GG partner used as proxy, placating GID...

[madirocks]

She can contest it to her hearts content, but she can't stop you from divorcing her.

If the relationship is toxic to your wellbeing, then why are you still in it?

I totally agree. Obviously only you can decide what's best for you, Wendy. But, I can't imagine any good coming from it. And, I'm wondering if your need for the drink comes from not being "allowed" to be yourself. It certainly can't be helpful. That's for sure. I'm really sorry for what you're going through here. I really hope you can sort this out, and my heart goes out to you. Please talk to her.

[wendy]

Wife would grant me a divorce if I wanted one.

We are together because it is financially beneficial.

We have a role reversal at home.

It is my fault that we are together.

We still love each other but both of us have lost respect for me.

I have so much anger inside me.
..............................

I find myself sometimes studying a pretty lady at store while I'm shopping.

I catalog details in my head.

Never wanted to lose anything let alone everything to transition.   I am sure my big breasts and flaming style got me fired at last job.  However I was good just different.  Now I don't work.  Finances are deteriorating so that house will not pay for itself.  Wife wants a man which I am not.  So I am at a crossroad and appear to be moving slowly ahead.

I realize there is more to life than transitioning.

I am problem.

[AbraCadabra]

The bottom-line?
No one other then yourself can make that decision for you - to be who YOU are. Never mind what everyone and his uncle has in mind for you!

Note: change is hard and painful - BUT ALSO creates new opportunities!

Both of you have not yet suffered enough, - else there would have been change already.

Just bear in mind honey --- you are not 24 any more and can go on procrastinating as if there was no tomorrow.

Would you want to de-transition?
Have a boob reduction?
ONCE AGAIN try that old worn out number, being that male you not?
Only you can answer that. ONLY YOU!

Emotional growth cometh with pain, and then some... the way things always been.

Thoughts from the far South,
Axelle

[wendy]

The bottom-line?
No one other then yourself can make that decision for you - to be who YOU are. Never mind what everyone and his uncle has in mind for you!

Note: change is hard and painful - BUT ALSO creates new opportunities!

Both of you have not yet suffered enough, - else there would have been change already.

Just bear in mind honey --- you are not 24 any more and can go on procrastinating as if there was no tomorrow.

Would you want to de-transition?
Have a boob reduction?
ONCE AGAIN try that old worn out number, being that male you not?
Only you can answer that. ONLY YOU!

Emotional growth cometh with pain, and then some... the way things always been.

Thoughts from the far South,
Axelle

No I have no plans to go back.  I wish these pills would have worked magic.  Remember I shared with you my unrealistic expectations.  I do not think I am male in my mind.  It has been difficult for me to get half way up hill and I am not going back.

[AbraCadabra]

Wendy,
good to hear you say that.

Coming back from my afternoon meeting with cis-friends was one of those: "Do you really have to do this..." occasions.

One can start to feel rather lonely, spiritually, in friendly but essentially unsupportive environments.
Even if I'm now good to be told - HOW MANY PEOPLE ALWAYS THOUGH ME BEING GAY.
Ain't that ever so funny? Yet, to be a gay queen would suit most just fine (not me), if intersex --- oh, my, really you poor thing, ... but transsexual?!?

That is SO LIFESTYLE honey, and elective to most everyone - they just can't/won't get it.

So... we move on and talk about the latest TV soap episode.

Though baby, nobody said it be easy, eh.
Hug,
Axelle

[wendy]

Wendy,
good to hear you say that.

Coming back from my afternoon meeting with cis-friends was one of those: "Do you really have to do this..." occasions.

One can start to feel rather lonely, spiritually, in friendly but essentially unsupportive environments.
Even if I'm now good to be told - HOW MANY PEOPLE ALWAYS THOUGH ME BEING GAY.
Ain't that ever so funny? Yet, to be a gay queen would suit most just fine (not me), if intersex --- oh, my, really you poor thing, ... but transsexual?!?

That is SO LIFESTYLE honey, and elective to most everyone - they just can't/won't get it.

So... we move on and talk about the latest TV soap episode.

Though baby, nobody said it be easy, eh.
Hug,
Axelle

I only tell CISgender with a need to know.  Do not expect them to understand.  I find being transgender confusing to me.  Community argues among its exceedingly small population.

Axelle you have suffered enough.  Might you send me a note from Thailand?  Tell me if you woke up and said, " Wow!"

Big shots I wrote never got back to me.  Guess business is too good.  Did not write your surgeon.
....................

Really feel bad for wife.  She now cries when I am silly.  I used to make her laugh.  I do love and miss her. 

[AbraCadabra]

Hi hon,
* Axelle you have suffered enough.  Might you send me a note from Thailand?  Tell me if you woke up and said, " Wow!" *
Will do babe!

* Did not write your surgeon. *
Plenty of times --- and ALWAYS was grated a salient answer.

* I do love and miss her *
Actually, ever asked HER a simple question: "What can I do for you, being who I am?"

Facetiously speaking --- she just might hate your pink nail polish?!? Eh.
If she hates your fabulousness, yes, you in sh*t-street.

Axelle

[wendy]

* I do love and miss her *
Actually, ever asked HER a simple question: "What can I do for you, being who I am?"

Facetiously speaking --- she just might hate your pink nail polish?!? Eh.
If she hates your fabulousness, yes, you in sh*t-street.

Thanks Axelle. 

Actually there is much I can do.  First my wife expects me to go out and earn a good living.
Second she expects me to fix cars and repair home.
Third she expects me to present male when I am with her.

She is not interested in a sexual relationship at any level.

To some extent her expectations are reasonable.

.........................
Hot pink finger nail polish is too "out" for me.  I use a clear pink tone on my fingernails.

My wife rarely does nail polish on her nails.  She is very pretty and feminine but not frilly more Tomboyish.

I am not very masculine or feminine.  I am more gender neutral in my presentation and mannerisms.

..................
I am finding it useful to "test" things.

.............
I find I am uncomfortable  doing new things and some things I do become comfortable.  This seems a reasonable reaction since I move out of my comfort zone and have to be prepared for "negative" reactions if and when they come.

...............

My wife has been a great friend and one week I want to get away from her and get on with my life and next week she is such a great friend.

My slightly autistic behavior has complicated my relationships and resolution of gender issues.  I have reached a crossroad and sitting at intersection is not a good choice. Staying "somewhat" male seems easier but does not feel right.  Taking other path feels right but is very scary.  I have a very good wife and she has allowed me to cope with my gender issues for years even though she did not know I had gender issues.  Life's little hiccups have somehow caused my coping mechanisms to fail and I have shut down.

[Raya]

Has anyone come to a similar realization, i.e. using ones partner as a "surrogate"?
Which is of course unfair to both parties involved IMHO.
YMMV

Axelle

Ironically, quite the opposite. Getting that close to a woman was what made me realize that I might just be one.