When guys comment on how you look...

[apple pie]

Hello all,

Apologies in advance if this is not an appropriate topic... but do you like to make yourself look sexy to the guys?

I thought I did. I wanted to look sexy and be attractive to guys.

I have been full time for about half a year so far, started at the same time as moving to my present home. Today one of my neighbours happened to come to my unit to see how the repairs for something for the whole block of units we live in were going, and so I opened the door to talk to him a bit. Being early morning, I was just in light loungewear if that's what you call it. Then in the middle of talking about the repairs, he suddenly he made a comment about my bra, which was sort of showing but only if one paid attention to it. Not knowing how to react to this sudden comment at all, I looked away feeling very embarrassed, then went back inside my room without another word.

A myriad of complicated feelings overwhelmed me. I thought I might have been happy that a guy would look visually at me as a girl, but noooo. He made me feel like that as a girl, guys now look at me as a sexual object, that he would pay attention to my boobs and then proceeded to actually comment about my bra. I now wanted to hide them instead, especially whenever I see him again. It made me want to cry, and left me feeling quite unhappy for the next half hour. On the other hand, I feel extremely silly to get so upset over such a small comment. Many girls probably have to put up with such comments all the time... but I am totally not used to them.

It was completely different from how I imagined I'd feel. I thought that perhaps if I made myself look sexy - which I wasn't trying to do at all, I was just in light clothing - and guys commented on it, I'd be happy. But it turns out that I just felt insulted.

What about you guys? How do (or would) you feel if guys comment(ed) on how you looked in a somewhat sexual way?

[AbraCadabra]

If it was a well meant comment/compliment you better get used receiving such in good grace.

I'd give him a smile in gratitude, (no batting or fluttering eye lids though, please!) and move on to deal with the matter/business at hand.

You are early on HRT it seems and are reacting like a typical teenager, which is fine :-)
You'll grow up, and real fast at that by most others experiences, including my own.

Thank you for sharing your little sweet story, :-)
Axelle

[Annah]

I really do not have a desire to look sexy for anyone. For me, it feels like I set up someone as a false image to who I really am.

Whenever I go out to whatever function, I dress like me. I tend to wear "cute" clothing versus "sexy" and when I do wear cute clothing, it is for me and no one else.

If a guy or girl comments on my presentation, I just smile and thank them. If they wish to pursue something further, they will know this is me; hook, line, and sinker. For you, you had no desire to do that at the present time. Just remember, some guys are very visually oriented and I wouldn't take it personally

I have nothing against anyone dressing sexy to attract guys. For me, if a guy is attracted to me without having to be sexy at it, then he is attracted to "me" and not my legs.

I hope that makes sense.

[JungianZoe]

I definitely dress in a manner that could be considered sexy, but it's more about me asserting my new-found self-confidence than it is about attracting guys.  Of course, part of it has everything to do with attracting guys.  Unfortunately, it hasn't quite worked yet.  I haven't had a guy approach me or talk to me since going full time back in March.

[Amy85]

When I decide what to buy or wear I am only thinking about what I like the look and feel of. That's not to say that I don't care about the opinion of others, but I'm the one who has to wear it all day so my opinion matters most.   

[Cindy]

I dress to look nice for me. I'm more interested in other woman's opinion of how I look than a guy. I know, and expect, guys to look at my breasts and legs etc, but to do so openly and discuss my bra I would find obnoxious, unless it was OK by me, then I would expect it. I in fact would be upset if a boyfriend ignored what I was wearing.

All so simple, I have no idea why guys get confused.  I take my bikini top off for sunbaking, I don't expect to get ogled at. Unless he is cute. I wear a low cut dress to a date so he can look me in the eyes and talk to me. But to get turned on. Mmmm.

It's time and place. If I'm hunting I want to be seen and appreciated. If my light globe needs changing, change it and I'll make you a coffee and have a friendly chat, but don't expect to see the whole show and do appreciate me for being a normal woman.

Cindy

[apple pie]

Thank you all for your replies

I very much agree with Annah, that would be a false image of me if looking sexy is how I become known - I would much rather have friendships and relationships based on someone liking my true self, instead of my looks.

But before yesterday, I thought I'd try to look sexy for once just for fun, though I have never done so yet as I tend to think everything with a heavy female "flavour" (pantyhose, big boobs, heavy makeup etc. etc.) is a big hit to one's ability to pass, as it matches the stereotypical image of a transsexual.

Now I'm not sure I want to any more. Maybe it's just one of those things that as a "newbie" I get excited about and it will come to pass. I certainly hope it does! I want to leave this all behind at some point and then get on with my life.

It's hard to accept the comment as being a compliment though (especially since actually he's double my age...)—why would one comment on someone's bra if he wanted to compliment her? I wouldn't have minded at all if it came from another girl. But yes, I suppose I should just smile let it go, though I'm going to make sure it doesn't happen again with him.

[Annah]

Thank you all for your replies
But before yesterday, I thought I'd try to look sexy for once just for fun, though I have never done so yet as I tend to think everything with a heavy female "flavour" (pantyhose, big boobs, heavy makeup etc. etc.) is a big hit to one's ability to pass, as it matches the stereotypical image of a transsexual.

I find the girls who dress like that gets clocked every-single-time. But you are right, that look is a stereotypical image of a trans and it simply isn't the case.

Now I'm not sure I want to any more. Maybe it's just one of those things that as a "newbie" I get excited about and it will come to pass. I certainly hope it does! I want to leave this all behind at some point and then get on with my life.

It's hard to accept the comment as being a compliment though (especially since actually he's double my age...)—why would one comment on someone's bra if he wanted to compliment her? I wouldn't have minded at all if it came from another girl. But yes, I suppose I should just smile let it go, though I'm going to make sure it doesn't happen again with him.

I found the best course of action is to dress with your comfort level. I mix  fashion and comfortability to my wardrobe.  Or at least I try to lol

[nickikim]

Maybe he wanted a bra just like that one , but couldn`t quite ask where ya got it.......

[michelle]

Hey I am 64 years old and have been up to my neck in children all my life one way or another and I am still dealing with teenagers.    Its hard for me to think about sex and not think about kids.  Guys coming onto me,  really, when I presented as a guy, girls did not come on to me,  probably because they looked through me and just say another female, no matter how I presented.

Right now I am in a daze about all of the service people in cafes, stores, repair people who all come into my home, my kids doctors, etc. are automatically assuming that I am female and assert that attitude with absolute certainty even after I open my mouth.   They are treating me as female, and that's that.   My family when they are with me just accept the fact that as long as I go out dressed like I do I am going to be seen as female.   

I am getting frightened not to use the woman's restroom.   And also frightened that if I do and some one doubts me it will cause a big fuss.   I am looking around and only going in when I see that who ever has gone in has gone out.

Things seemed to change since I took the attitude that I didn't care what I looked like between my legs, I was female.  Sexually, I didn't care how it responded I was female.   I just pull my panties and firmware up which I ware for my sore back as tight as I can.    Between my legs I am a woman and that's that.

So what if I am delusional its just a privilege of getting old.   Try it you'll like it.

[apple pie]

I find the girls who dress like that gets clocked every-single-time. But you are right, that look is a stereotypical image of a trans and it simply isn't the case.

Exactly! So when I go out, I always dress more like my other friends, who usually dress quite plainly.

For me, I didn't just suddenly present myself as a girl one day; it was a gradual process that took a few months. I added each new "definitely-female" piece of attire only when I could pass without it before going out in it. I needed to do that because I am not a very confident person in the first place, and I needed to keep my "passing rate" high, which helps keep my self-confidence high too. Like Annah said, you get clocked if you wear something like that if the rest of you doesn't pass. Instead of saying "I'm female", that piece of clothing says "I'm a crossdresser" instead. A slight smile at whatever passer-by walks by can tell that person you're female much more effectively than some clothes, I think!

As for going to the restroom, it's automatic for me now and I don't care what's between my legs either! Though that kind of leaves me a bit unmotivated to get SRS, which I still hope to get one day.

[Amazon D]

Hello all,

Apologies in advance if this is not an appropriate topic... but do you like to make yourself look sexy to the guys?

I thought I did. I wanted to look sexy and be attractive to guys.

I have been full time for about half a year so far, started at the same time as moving to my present home. Today one of my neighbours happened to come to my unit to see how the repairs for something for the whole block of units we live in were going, and so I opened the door to talk to him a bit. Being early morning, I was just in light loungewear if that's what you call it. Then in the middle of talking about the repairs, he suddenly he made a comment about my bra, which was sort of showing but only if one paid attention to it. Not knowing how to react to this sudden comment at all, I looked away feeling very embarrassed, then went back inside my room without another word.

A myriad of complicated feelings overwhelmed me. I thought I might have been happy that a guy would look visually at me as a girl, but noooo. He made me feel like that as a girl, guys now look at me as a sexual object, that he would pay attention to my boobs and then proceeded to actually comment about my bra. I now wanted to hide them instead, especially whenever I see him again. It made me want to cry, and left me feeling quite unhappy for the next half hour. On the other hand, I feel extremely silly to get so upset over such a small comment. Many girls probably have to put up with such comments all the time... but I am totally not used to them.

It was completely different from how I imagined I'd feel. I thought that perhaps if I made myself look sexy - which I wasn't trying to do at all, I was just in light clothing - and guys commented on it, I'd be happy. But it turns out that I just felt insulted.

What about you guys? How do (or would) you feel if guys comment(ed) on how you looked in a somewhat sexual way?

thats exactly why i switched back to dressing as a guy. I hated men looking at me that way. I also had to get my 10 yr  warrantee implants removed at 12 yrs so that made it easier. I then cut my hair too.

[tekla]

No matter how you dress you are going to be someones' fetish, so why sweat it?

[BunnyBee]

I accept all forms of flattery, besides maybe the back-handed variety.  Guys may feel free to find me attractive to their very hearts content lol.  I only ask that if it must be some mutant abomination of allurement that they simply keep it between their ears.

[Francis Ann Burgett]

If you are attaracted to men you should dress nice & feminine. You need to let a man know that you are open some if that is what you want? I just cannot tell from your brief story. If you want a man, go for it with some color & flair? You get to pick the ones you have interest in after they makle some first move like this comment about your bra.

Good luck girl.

[JungianZoe]

If you are attaracted to men you should dress nice & feminine. You need to let a man know that you are open some if that is what you want? I just cannot tell from your brief story. If you want a man, go for it with some color & flair? You get to pick the ones you have interest in after they makle some first move like this comment about your bra.

I guess that's part of my issue... I've no clue how to present myself with guys.  They simply don't seem to notice me and never ask me out.  Sometimes it makes me paranoid that I don't pass as well as I think I do.  But I'm admittedly desperate to date someone, considering I've been into guys my whole life but was too in the closet to explore that before transition.  So much lost time to make up for.

[Francis Ann Burgett]

Zoe, I feel your pain. I love to date men also, always have always will.

I am just guessing you are tall??? If so try some basketball thing. We all see really big tall men that are so talk no normal size person would date them. Do you go out to any type clubs???

Good luck girl as said I know the feeling.

You will find someone just open up more, find a girl friend & go to some clubs. Lots of girls start things, if you see a man you like tell him he looks nice, men love it when a woman makes an opening comment.

Francis

[Francis Ann Burgett]

Zoe, find a girlfriend. Maybe throw a little party on a Friday night. When you see men in your area tell them about a party, maybe some decent food if you like to cook. Before long the right man will be calling you. Lots of real men are lonely too!! They need a woman sometimes more than we need a man. The woman is always in control, she chooses to date.

Good luck girlfriend.

[JungianZoe]

Zoe, I feel your pain. I love to date men also, always have always will.

I am just guessing you are tall??? If so try some basketball thing. We all see really big tall men that are so talk no normal size person would date them. Do you go out to any type clubs???

Good luck girl as said I know the feeling.

You will find someone just open up more, find a girl friend & go to some clubs. Lots of girls start things, if you see a man you like tell him he looks nice, men love it when a woman makes an opening comment.

Francis

I'm kind of tall, but not overly tall... 5'11".  And I live in an area where people tend to be gargantuan (I was pretty short compared to over half the guys I see in this city).  As for clubs, it's kind of a no.  Never been into them and I don't think that would change.  Club people are club people, and I'm not club people.

Maybe it comes down to confidence.  All my life, I've had this idea that nobody would want to date me.  It hasn't changed with transition, only intensified because of my body issues.

[regan]

It's hard to accept the comment as being a compliment though (especially since actually he's double my age...)—why would one comment on someone's bra if he wanted to compliment her?

I was a little creeped out by his comment to begin with, now that fact that he's twice your age has me wondering if he's had those same thoughts about his own daughters' bra and now I'm really creeped out.