Are We Too Self Absorbed?

[wendy]

My wife understands and accepts my queer habit as long as I sustain my family. My colleagues accepts my unique appearance as long as I perform my duty.
Barbie~~

Barbie if one contributes then one is more likely accepted.  (But you look as pretty as a pretty girl which is not always case for some.)
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If that is the case... it sounds like you need more energy I work off of smile power, and I can tell you it takes you miles further than those other brands

Paranoia makes sense considering the situation... you want to be seen as you so much that when people don't: it hurts. It's kind of cruel really, but I'm no better in many senses. Every time I see an asian I wonder if they were born here or came visiting from their country. Even though I hardly mean to judge people on such grounds, it remains one of those things I do. Hard to get irritated at others for mistaking my gender and having their own thoughts about it

I'm always self absorbed. I question how that is a bad thing. You'll notice I internalized these suggestions and responded as they relate to me? I think that's a fine quality to posses

Very insightful comments.  Actually I would like to be noticed in a positive way.  Since I am not out I try to express myself in an androgynous way.  Sometimes I think it looks very nice but hush hush;  other times I am just in store and look male and get whole bunch of comments.  Many stories are very funny and I can chuckle but sometimes I am very self-conscious.

Vaerama I also think deeply on comments.  It has some good points if you can act at some point.

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Volunteering to help others works well to improve my mood and take my mind off of stuff.
My wife needed some help in public elementary school in media center and she wanted me to volunteer for a day.  This is great; however night before I painted my fingernails hot pink.  When my wife saw my nails she said take that nail polish off or stay home.  Wow.  I removed nail polish and helped her.  I do understand her position but it took me a lifetime to just wear pink nail polish!  She would forfeit my help if I wore nail polish.  Something is wrong with our society!  I was willing to help inner city children but I better look male.  I did not see one parent donate one day in inner city media center last year yet my help was not needed if I had pink nails.  That depressed me.

Wife is not interested in being married to a girl but she is nice in other ways.  I purchased some on-line clothes for "bigger" girls and she "evaluated" them.   She said I must talk like a girl when I wear girl clothes.  My voice hurt after one hour.
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Writing is good therapy.  I guess being self absorbed is good as long as it is balanced.  I do think doing little times in society is good for me to explore myself.  Society is a little more open to allowing males to express themselves but guess pink fingernails are too much and "not" male.      (I do not consider myself male in my mind and frankly I do not look all that male either.)

[regan]

My wife needed some help in public elementary school in media center and she wanted me to volunteer for a day.  This is great; however night before I painted my fingernails hot pink.  When my wife saw my nails she said take that nail polish off or stay home.  Wow.  I removed nail polish and helped her.  I do understand her position but it took me a lifetime to just wear pink nail polish!  She would forfeit my help if I wore nail polish.  Something is wrong with our society!  I was willing to help inner city children but I better look male.  I did not see one parent donate one day in inner city media center last year yet my help was not needed if I had pink nails.  That depressed me.

Schools have dress codes.  Males I'm sure are prohibited from wearing nail polish and I'm sure females are probably expected to wear subdued colors.  Its not that your help wasn't wanted, it was that you were expected to adhere to the dress code.

[wendy]

Regan,

I taught high school Calculus at age 17 as a senior in high school.  I taught integrated mathematics at 150 years old in an inner city minority school.  All students thought I was "gay".  Math coach called me "super gay" to teachers.   (I think he was gay and my gaydar is broken.  I liked him and he was a fantastic black math coach.  He thought I had developed into a good teacher!)  I always wore a tie and black jacket.  My ties were very expressive ( Jerry Garcia).  In fact very beautiful.  Always got comments on  my ties from students.   Teachers rolled eyes.  I overheard female 500 pound 1 foot tall vice principal say to another vice principal ,"Does he take hormones?"  I had trouble with discipline in inner city.  One 15 year old male fathered two children by 15 with two moms.  His "full" brother, with only a common mother, fathered one child by 14 and was in same grade.  (A teacher at school told me that children with same mom are full siblings since mother contributes more genes.) 

I paid for two years and attended all courses at night and my program instructor said " Mr.  ___ I will approve you as a teacher." 

O.K. budget cuts.  Laid me off.  Principal would not sign off on me!.  I had discipline problems but I was a good teacher.  I think it was because I was different.  I am very different but I am very engaging and very animated.

Stayed off of Susan's for two years and am now a "new" person because I turned into a guest.   I am a proficient person that  has their Masters and wanted to help people less advantaged than me.  I was tossed to wind because I am different!

I've taken hormones for many years and I have no hair on my face or body.   I dress feminine male and will wear female clothes that "kindof"  look male.  A highly educated conscientious inner city high school math teacher is laid off because of budget cuts?  I overheard one science teacher at inner city elementary school that wife works say, "He was laid off because he did not give image needed for male black students." 90%+ on on free lunch and over half do not know their father!  Three students missed my final because they were pregnant at 14.   Two students in two years wanted to fist fight me during class.  Both got vacation for a week.  Now city is crying can't find "qualified math teachers".  I took junior mathematics by sophomore year in college.  Am I paranoid or do people dismiss people that are different.  Sorry for rambling but I am not a bad person.  I am only different.  Hiding it earned a big income because I could solve problems that teams could not.  Now I am more interested in finding a solution to my issues than paying bills.

...I wanted to help people before school starts.  Only a few teachers would see me as a volunteer.  My wife has multiple masters degrees and was worried she would be "fired" if she were married to a freakazoid.  (Sorry transgendered person.)  Yes I can appreciate this as I only worry which surgeon could make me fit better into society but I look male.

[wendy]

Oh dress code of male teachers can not wear earrings.  I do not wear earrings but I will one day.  No policy exists for nail polish but I am only a volunteer and I did not wear pink nail polish as a teacher.  I did wear clear nail polish.  Gay guys did too.

[kate durcal]

I have 5 teenangers, and I work two jobs. My main job as a scientist, and I do tech part time at a local college (kind of a lark). Add 3 dogs and 2 cats. I cook , clean, shop, do doctors, school, homeworks, etc. My girls (2) help, the boys too when I yell, but as a single father I have little time to my self. I usually think about myself when I am at Susan's, praying, or just before I dream. When I dream, I dream of getting rid of the last "male shackles," but not I would not say that I am self absorb at all. Love all your posts, thanks for sharing, and yes, Wendy much applauds to you and your wife. The world sorely needs devoted and competent teachers like you. Courage

Kate D