Is this life now?

[JungianZoe]

Strange days have found me.

At a family get-together right now where my extended family members are seriously ignoring me, so I'm pretty much all alone.  Got to my mom's house early to help dust, then I cleaned the sinks and went to pick up the food.  After eating, I cleared the table, washed the plates, put them in the dishwasher, took out the recycle, and cleaned up the kitchen while everyone else sat in the other room talking.  Now I'm just sitting in one of the basement bathrooms writing this on my phone.

I was also invited to a birthday party three weeks ago that's taking place this afternoon.  They were going to be doing an X-Files marathon and I was bringing the first four seasons because I was the only person who had them. About an hour ago, I got uninvited because they decided to do a guys-only party.  But I'm still letting them borrow my X-Files.  My friend's girlfriend is already busy (she got uninvited too) and I have nowhere to go.

Is this what life is like for me now?  Because I'm sick to death of it.  Won't change who I am, but I'm just not pleased.

[espo]

That sucks !! I would go home and smoke my brains out but thats me. 

[Amazon D]

I had to separate from my family too find some sense of self. It's not easy. Today i am my mom's caregiver and for that they appreciate me but thats it and that was after 12 yrs. Some of us do well with regards to passing and you and me are one of them and some get to keep spouses and family but no one gets everything. Even those who think they do are missing out on something unknown. Please be very happy for your success. There is a whole wide world out there. Your young and capable. Go seek it. If you ever coming thru Central Pa your always welcome to stop by here. hugs Danielle / Danie

[Jillieann Rose]

That sucks !!

  I am so sorry people and family should not treat others like that.
I would go home and have my own party by finding a good movie and eat ice cream.
Hugs,
Jillieann

[JungianZoe]

Even those who think they do are missing out on something unknown. Please be very happy for your success. There is a whole wide world out there. Your young and capable. Go seek it. If you ever coming thru Central Pa your always welcome to stop by here. hugs Danielle / Danie

That's been the hardest thing this summer, finding out the unknowns that I've lost.  My dad's side of the family was a foregone conclusion before I even went full-time, but in the last two weeks I've lost relatives I really cared about.  Those losses were surprising, from people I didn't expect them from.  And I probably sound like a real baby whining around this when I'm sure there are people here who lost far more.  I have no right to complain...

Trying hard to just move on.  It'll get better when I can find a job and I hope that's soon.  I've had way too much time on my hands to worry about way too much.

[apple pie]

And I probably sound like a real baby whining around this when I'm sure there are people here who lost far more.  I have no right to complain...

Don't listen to those who whine about people whining. It really helps emotionally to be able to whine I think... please whine more when you need to I hope you feel better!

(If you had to be the most unfortunate person in the world to whine, then only one person in the whole world can whine?? I don't think so...)

[JungianZoe]

  I am so sorry people and family should not treat others like that.
I would go home and have my own party by finding a good movie and eat ice cream.
Hugs,
Jillieann

I really wish I could, but I'm so lonely right now that I can't stand being home.  When I'm home, my mind gets trapped in little cyclones of dark thoughts that nothing can blow away.  It's silly, but I'm desperate to find someone to share my life with.  Then I wonder what kind of life I have anyway... it's not much.

[Jillieann Rose]

Zoë,
Dont' talk that way hon.
You are a beautful young girl with your whole life in front of you.
If your friends and family don't accept you then there not worthy of being friends and family.
You will make new friends and have your own family.
Just keep going Zoë.
Hugs,
Jillieann

[JungianZoe]

Zoë,
Dont' talk that way hon.
You are a beautful young girl with your whole life in front of you.
If your friends and family don't accept you then there not worthy of being friends and family.
You will make new friends and have your own family.
Just keep going Zoë.
Hugs,
Jillieann

Thanks, hon!   I keep having my ups and downs these days, going off antidepressants and my hormones in complete disarray.  Yesterday was just a mess!  Today's shaky but better.  I just hope that someday I'll have my very own family.

[Randi]

Small minded people-be they relatives or no-ride an ocean on a boat named Ignorance and leave the innocent in their wake to drown in the deepening silence.
Be patient Zoe-even though is is difficult to bear-you will find those who appreciate your way of doing things. Let those jerks have their exclusive fun now - just don't let them borrow your things anymore!

Randi

[Princess of Hearts]

Zoe, go straight out tommorow to a bookshop and buy Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now and read it in one sitting!   Then get back to me.

[JungianZoe]

It's a tough situation.  This was one of my two lifelong best friends and the only one of the two who can do much (the other has MS).  I wouldn't do anything to ruin that friendship.  But he's also the only male friend that I have so I have to understand these things from time to time, I guess.  It's not something I had to deal with when everyone knew me as male.  I was included in their stuff (though it was extremely uncomfortable for me) and my other friends, all female, included me in their stuff too because I was always very feminine.

Interesting how things have changed: the girl factor's been upped by 200% since I transitioned.  With my girlfriends, I'm involved in so much more than I was before, things my eyes were never open to.  But the guys shut me out.  The difference is striking!

[JungianZoe]

Zoe, go straight out tommorow to a bookshop and buy Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now and read it in one sitting!   Then get back to me.

Thank you!  I've been meaning to read that book for some time and always forget about it.   Think I'll do just that.

[Princess of Hearts]

This is just me but I would like it if I was 'un-invited' to a party because it was changed to a 'men-only' party.   I personally wouldn't see it as a rejection.  I would be far more hurt if I wasn't invited to a 'girls-only' party.

[JungianZoe]

That's part of how I took it... would I have really enjoyed a boys' party anyway?  Hell no!

[SandraJane]

Time Zoe, time...it can be painful! As with previous posts, you communicate well your feelings and hopes. Recovery from the adverse effects of Antidepressants and the Depro is gonna take a little while, 2-3 weeks maybe with some after shocks. Its like a force of nature, picks you and sets you down where it wants, when it wants, not to be taken lightly.

Time...plus they should be grateful that you would still allow them to watch your X-File episodes, I wouldn't have been so nice...favorite season and episode(s)?

[justmeinoz]

Sounds like it's time to send them all a letter letting them know how unpleasant they have been, and move on.  Guys shutting you out? Sounds like they regard you as a woman and longer want to socialise. It's a win of sorts.   

I'd just hang out with the girls who are welcoming, maybe join some women's social groups or clubs.  I mean, would you really want to be around unpleasant people or friends?  Just a matter of voting with your feet.

Hugs sis.

Karen.

[Jillieann Rose]

I'm glad our feeling better today Zoe.
I have to agree with the recent postings.
Time. All things takes time.
From hormonal body changes to family and freinds acceptance.
Your relationships are changing as people began to accept us as the women.
So hang on hon.
Hugs,
Jillieann

[FairyGirl]

But the guys shut me out.  The difference is striking!

Just wait until you start dating, as a woman. Guys I mean, if that's what you're into.  The relationship game is worlds different from this side (and that's not even taking into account the trans thing)-- it makes you believe men really are from Mars and women from Venus.  Sigh.  The only comfort I have to offer is that you're not alone.

[JungianZoe]

I had mixed emotions about this incident, that's for sure!  At once knowing that I've fully transitioned in everyone's eyes to the point that I'm just totally female, and then the feeling of rejection because of the very thing that was making me rather pleased.  Very strange feeling.

I'm tickled pink that I'm so accepted as just another woman, but this is also the first time I've been excluded from anything because I'm a woman.  I think of myself as all woman and it's nice that others see it that way too.  The way I'm looking at this situation is that I'm chalking it up to boys just being boys.  Even when others saw me as a boy, I didn't understand boys.  Not one friggin' iota.  I still don't!  I'm good friends with only two guys and the rest of my friends are female, something that's been the case my entire life.  I've known one of my male friends for 18 years and the other for 11, the latter of which I met because he's married to a girl who was a friend of mine before they even met.  SO not interested in male gatherings.

That's why the relationship thing scares me.   Partially scared because I'm pre-op (grrrrrr!) but also because I'm aware of the fact that I don't understand guys at all.  My sexual feelings are about 98%/2% in favor of men, but how would I communicate with a man?  Just last month, I was trying to say something to my friend of 18 years and realized that he didn't get my meaning at all.  His girlfriend understood because she looked at me and rolled her eyes.  She understood me, he didn't.  This is how it's been my entire life... when I came out, all of my girlfriends said they weren't the least bit surprised because I was the only male they knew who fluently spoke female.