How do you feel ?

[Vyn]

Feeling decent and perhaps slightly over caffeinated.  Also there is an extremely annoying squawking bird nearby that I am trying to tune out with headphones. 

[Julian]

Julian I'm so sorry to hear that your GID has reared up so badly.

Try to do something less harmful...I've found that if I'm really feeling like cutting...taking a sharpie to my skin instead has a relieving effect...it's not the same, and I know that but it does (sometimes...) alleviate the feelings enough until I can manage them. *huge hugs*

Thanks. *hugs*

I took a small non-suicidal overdose the other day, and my partner called the paramedics on me. Landed me in the hospital I hate most in the world. But I'm out now, and I'm feeling better. One of the social workers got some of the staff to start calling me Julian. Some evidently misheard and started calling me Julianne. But it shows I'm feeling better that I'm able to laugh at that.

So that's how I feel today. Better. My GID attack seems to be waning, and I've just got to pick up my life where I left off. Pick up the pieces, as it were. Clean up the mess I made.

[caseyy]

Julian, I'm glad things are looking up. Don't hurry yourself to pick up the pieces; take it easy and take good care of yourself. *hugs*

Today...I dunno. I threw on the first thing I found, and it turned out it smells terrible and it ripped up. =/ so I look like crap. We had a seminar, which is held once a month as a "support" for grad students. I feel left out. I'm very Type B...grad school is definitely busy, but it doesn't stress me much. Everyone else, however, seems to be in this panic and making it more stressful than I think it should be. we had to come up with questions/concerns to ask the second years, and I just didn't have any. I hate it, because even though I do end up with less stress/more spare time than most, I worry that they'll think I'm not cut out because I'm not all gung ho.

[caseyy]

Omg, and the BO/ripped shirt? It's white and I just spilled ketchup on it. Right smack dab in the middle of my chest. Hm. I feel oddly better as a result; it lets me just chalk it up to "one of those days."

[mimpi]

Seriously <expletive deleted by moderator> up and down. Tried talking to my housemate who's a Gay girl but she's on another page altogether.

[heatherrose]

Like a discarded tissue.

[Sevan]

Oh Heather that's quite the visual! (I'm a very visual person in general) I'm sorry. That's horrible.

Julian I'm glad your out now, and that was nice of one of the social workers even if it didn't go so great. Did they help to put a plan in place so it doesn't happen again? Or were they more clueless than that....(likely but I still prefer to be hopeful...)

Oh man Casey that IS just one of those sorts of days. Gah!

Mimpi I totally understand. Even when someone is close (as in part of the LGBT crew) they can sometimes totally be far off...which is so frustrating.

[Julian]

Julian I'm glad your out now, and that was nice of one of the social workers even if it didn't go so great. Did they help to put a plan in place so it doesn't happen again? Or were they more clueless than that....(likely but I still prefer to be hopeful...)

They did recommend a local trans-focused medical center (I'm lucky to be in Chicago where we have these things) for transition-related issues, but not so much on the normal mental-health front. I'm already seeing a psychiatrist and therapist, and had the mentality of "what do I need to do to get the hell out of here?", so they let me out pretty quickly.

[Sevan]

Totally understand. Glad you have mental health in place...even if these rocky spots still strike.

[mimpi]

Julian, missed your post as was well 'out of it' last night. So sorry to hear about what happened and thank god you're ok.

Can be frustrating talking to therapists and psychiatrists as they generally just don't get it even if they are well meaning. Hopefully this new place will be able to help you on your way.

(((big hug)))

[heatherrose]

Oh Heather that's quite the visual! (I'm a very visual person in general) I'm sorry. That's horrible.

Horrible about sums up how I was feeling yesterday. I had a wonderful evening with my "friend" who said

"You are a beautiful and intelligent woman. I don't care what you have for riggin'."

The next day He didn't answer any of my texts.
Monday morning I texted him asking if he was doing ok.
He texted back that he was doing just dandy but he just couldn't do "this thing" with me.
You would think that with me being a big girl now,
I would draw tiny scraps of wisdom from past experiences.
NOOOOO I opened myself up, got used, crumpled up and thrown the flip away.

But after crying myself to sleep last night, I feel a whole lot better now.

[heatherrose]

Comfortably NuMmMmMb

[Julian]

Julian, missed your post as was well 'out of it' last night. So sorry to hear about what happened and thank god you're ok.

Can be frustrating talking to therapists and psychiatrists as they generally just don't get it even if they are well meaning. Hopefully this new place will be able to help you on your way.

(((big hug)))

Totally understand. Glad you have mental health in place...even if these rocky spots still strike.

*hugs all around*

[mimpi]

Feeling good today, hearing a friend who is a psychiatric nurse complaining about the iniquities of the mental health system has cheered me up immensely.

[ativan]

I may have taken to much of my meds, while drinking this much.

But the movies are great that I'm watching. (I can tell because I'm paying attention)

But still...

I think I'll be watching another one, I'm having fun

Ativan

[Pica Pica]

Comfortabl

e

[mimpi]

Toothache

[ativan]

Axis II Poster Boy

[foosnark]

My wife's dog is dying of inoperable cancer.  He's an old dog and had a bad case of heartworm at the time she adopted him, so if it weren't for this something else would get him before long.  But she's taking it really hard, as I would if the same thing happened to the cat I've had for 11 years.

He stopped eating dry food a couple weeks ago, stopped eating wet food a few days later, and we've had to forcefeed him this awful smelling stuff that he hates.  He stopped drinking water too, as of Saturday. He's been breathing oddly, staring off into space, and has clearly lost the will to live.  We have an appointment in a few hours to have him euthanized.

It will be a relief.  My wife pretty much spent the whole weekend holding him as much as possible, crying almost the entire time, and blaming herself even though it's obviously not her fault.  We have different ways of feeling helpless I guess.  It worries me because she's prone to depression and just came out from under it about 6 weeks back.

So... sad, worried, tired.  And throw in stress and excitement over a big performance this Saturday, and it's crazytown.

[ativan]

frustrated