How do you feel ?

[ativan]

Therapy today. This is gonna drain me so hard.

Do what I do when I'm pissed at the therapist. First take the high ground, insist on you getting the tallest chair. Answer all questions with a question. Say "I don't understand what you're talking about" about a dozen times or when they get tired of it. Always look them at eye level but just off to the side of their head, but still at their head, like the outside corner, except when you're done talking about something, then look them in the eye and say as fast as you can, "Know what I mean,know what I mean, I asked you twice now", then don't stop staring them in the eyes until they say some thing stupid.
   When you're ready to leave just stop and stare at him or her until they squirm a little and announce that "this was the least productive time I have ever had."  Turn and walk away without saying good bye or even acknowledging they exist.

My Watched time is in half, I'm gonna miss it when it's gone
Ativan

[Julian]

Eep.

I don't know how I feel about today. I brought up the fact that I'd been thinking about HRT, we talked about how I'm failing (flailing?) at school and life and stuff, we talked about possibly getting me into an intensive outpatient program. No one's so enthusiastic about that, though, as my mom. I'd just as soon continue with both the individual and group therapy and find a gender specialist to see on top of that. I think my mom just really doesn't get it.

Though she bought me some pretty wool yarn afterwards. She tries so hard.

[ativan]

There has just got to a way to get you on T for awhile so it proves it self out. And forget the street ->-bleeped-<-, you know that ain't happenin'.
School insurance, your partner help you out somehaow? anything short of a Psych stay would be good.

Ativan

[Julian]

I could tap into my savings, but that's my chest surgery fund. Putting off surgery even further makes me sad. It all really depends on how much it'd cost; the food/spending money I get from my parents might cover it.

I'm never staying in a psych ward again. I might have been there right now if the 911 people weren't so incompetent. My partner called them a few days ago, but apparently they wouldn't do anything unless he gave them my phone number, which he didn't know off the top of his head. So, no ambulance ride for Julian.

[Kinkly]

I've just come down with a cold so I feeling sickly health wise, but emotionally I'm feeling lonely and lost

[MetaFic]

I finally have insurance again, so I'm feeling relieved. It took almost a year (after constant nagging and a hell's worth of paperwork).

[ativan]

Today feels like the mania is not going to slow down, but continue up it's spiral to over the top.
I have plenty of Klonopin, it's just going to be a this side of overdosing, haha
I bought a new I-pod, I can barely figure it out, but I'm getting used to it.
I have 3 spanish programs and the last one, the one I really want, might show up today.
I'm almost betting I will be at a conversational level by the end of the week, but then I'm also being manic. boo!
Ativan

[Julian]

Yesterday was weird. I think I was happy enough to make up for weeks of unhappy. There was a person walking a three-legged dog. "It's front-wheel drive!" said my friend. I bubbled with joy at the skyscrapers rising over fall-colored trees. I was ecstatic when the guy at the card shop gave us free sodas, and me 2 free cards. They were cheap cards, but I'd been looking all over for them. I made shopping dates with my partner and friends. My poor partner, who's supported me through all the ick, nearly cried for how happy I was.

I wish I was still at a conversational level of French. Haven't studied since high school. 2 and a half years; time flies.

[ativan]

That's really great to hear Juian! The dog is probably more fuel efficient also, I would think 

Myself...aaahhh I think I'll just try and not think about the recent goings on.
The one thing I think is only right to do is to change my signature to a more proper one.
I've decided that 4x the usual dosage of Klonopin is now called for. Funny how that works!

Gotta new Spanish program to down load, so at least I'll have something to do besides feeling like I just got pissed on.

Ativan

[Julian]

*hugs* 

I find myself thinking at the same time "Ooh, be careful with the Klonopin, that ->-bleeped-<- will ->-bleeped-<- you up." and "Lucky. Wish I was still on Klonopin." 

[Sevan]

*RAAAAAAWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR*

*hem*

[MarinaM]

*RAAAAAAWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR*

*hem*

At least you're still screaming  Roaring? I like it.

I feel like giving up. I don't look forward to tomorrow.

[ativan]

*hugs* 

I find myself thinking at the same time "Ooh, be careful with the Klonopin, that ->-bleeped-<- will ->-bleeped-<- you up."

Boy I hope so, I think there's some Cap't Morgans around some where too.
I feel like more than just me is being punished for something that someone else did.
I never go quietly. Kickin' and screamin' the whole way. Except when I have a technical trick or two up my sleaves HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
Ativan


Now where have I heard my signature before?

[Sevan]

Cooler heads will prevail?

Or...they would if they were allowed....

[heatherrose]

All the crap that I have put myself through and "they"
still have been unable to take my birthday away?
Bring it on, give it your best shot.   

[mimpi]

Feeling mightily pissed off with this site this morning. Pissed off at my own naivety regarding everything be nice and fair too.

[espo]

Have you ever met someone that you instantly wished would go away but the people around you instantly embraced and adored and you're left going 'Wait... what's happening ?'
There's probably 9 or 7 emotions that has to be worked through .... in a situation like that.

[espo]

And every day you go into work, there they are.

Edit:  taking a minute to reflect on what I said, it's not just a work situation, it happens every where. I think I'm a bitch, which would explain a lot.

[Julian]

Boy I hope so, I think there's some Cap't Morgans around some where too.
I feel like more than just me is being punished for something that someone else did.
I never go quietly. Kickin' and screamin' the whole way. Except when I have a technical trick or two up my sleaves HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
Ativan


Now where have I heard my signature before?

Oy. I'm a 'cooler heads will prevail' type, methinks. Just keep your head down and they'll go away.

We must have been thinking alike last night when I snuck into my Klonopin and Smirnoff stash. Maladaptive, yes, didn't change my emotional state, but seemed like a good idea at the time.

So you can't send PMs, but it let me send one to you. I'm not sure I understand this system.

[mimpi]

Cooler heads will prevail?

Or...they would if they were allowed....

Exactly.

At times like this I feel like invoking Godwin's Law.

Am very, very angry. Apart from anything else all this control is messing up my page loading.