Pre-RLE Email to My Bosses

[Constance]

So, I sent this message this morning to the director of tech support and the VP of operations, who's managing the west coast support team for the time being.

I, along with my therapist, have decided that the time has come for me to begin the Real Life Experience (RLE).

     https://www.susans.org/wiki/Real_life_experience

During this time, I will have to live all day every day as Constance _______. There are practical matters to consider here at {The Company}.

Firstly, I will be expected to maintain a female presentation.

My name cannot be changed with HR yet, as I will still be legally David William _______. But some changes should be implemented regarding my communications with my coworkers and our users. To minimize confusion, it might be best if my {Email} and {CRM} accounts could be cloned or renamed. This way, users and coworkers will see the name Constance _______ when I reply to their correspondences. Likewise, I would be answering the phone with the name Constance.

And that, too, brings up an interesting question. Those to whom I'm out call me Connie. Knowing that there is already a Connie at {The Company} whose office is near my cube, should I use the name Constance or the nickname Cam (based on my initials-to-be)?

Originally, I was thinking it would be best if I took some time off so that the team could be informed during the staff meetings. I have vacation scheduled from September 16 through the 26. Perhaps I should return from this vacation on the 27th as Constance. The support team could then be informed in the meetings in the prior week. It might be worthwhile for HR to make some kind of announcement, too.

Does this timing seem to work well? I probably won't have any other time off this year as I've used quite a bit so far. I was thinking that if September doesn't work, the next chance would probably not be until January. And, I'm pretty much Connie in my spare time anyway. Almost all weekend, I'm out and about as Connie. I don't know how many {The Company} folks live in the San Mateo area, but it's probably just a matter of time before I as Connie run into one or more of them. To me, being transgender is no longer a secret. I'm out, for all intents and purposes. My nametags at the churches I go to say "Connie _______." I'm regularly on the bus and the train in full "Connie mode." Constance Anne is my real name, even though David William is my legal name.

So, do you think the September time frame will work? Is a meeting/conference call in order?

It would also be cool if the name tag on my cubicle wall could be changed, also. This is non-essential, and I understand that.

The VP has replied already saying he's contacted HR and that I can "expect follow up shortly."

Now, the sitting on pins and needles begins.

[Ann Onymous]

It's already sent so it cannot be changed, but I would have suggested a greater degree of formality (and without a reference to anything wikipedia-related).  It also leaves to many things squarely up to them as opposed to your having given some measure of assertiveness in HOW you want to see things resolved.  And I would NEVER have suggested conceding anything on the name...while you might not have gotten the relief you ideally would hope to receive, it allows them to paint you into the 'you are still a male' corner...

Hopefully things work out for you though...

[Constance]

I wanted to word it in a non-confrontational way, suggesting that I'm open to discussing when the RLE would start. I guess I should have been a bit firmer there.

With the name thing, you're probably right about not conceding anything. We'll have to see how it plays out.

Thanks for the feedback, Ann.

[Steph]

To be honest it did seem a bit demanding.  Personally I would have directed the email to HR and my immediate supervisor from the start simply asking for a meeting to discuss and plan for some "Personal Life Changing Issues" that will impact on the company.  Personally I believe that face to face is always better than emails.  It's hard to convey the emotional side in an email.

Usually whenHR has been contacted it's a good bet that they are reviewing "Where they stand" legally when it comes to issues such as these.

Do you have any back-up plans? Hopefully all goes well.  It's a scary time that's for sure.

[Ann Onymous]

To be honest it did seem a bit demanding.  Personally I would have directed the email to HR and my immediate supervisor from the start simply asking for a meeting to discuss and plan for some "Personal Life Changing Issues" that will impact on the company.  Personally I believe that face to face is always better than emails.  It's hard to convey the emotional side in an email.

concur on F2F meetings...although in this day and age, that seems to be a lost medium and definitely a lost art in some corporate structures. 

Usually whenHR has been contacted it's a good bet that they are reviewing "Where they stand" legally when it comes to issues such as these.

yeppurs...when I came out with the agency I worked for at the time, my meeting with the Director of HR for the agency was followed by a meeting a few days later with General Counsel.  Lots of non-committal responses from agency personnel, but I think that they knew they really didn't want to tangle with me, and the rest really did work out well other than my internal memo getting leaked to a reporter.  The note to self that was made after that was figure out how to discretely number or otherwise track any memo I sent out in writing... 

[Constance]

Well, I've got a meeting with HR scheduled for tomorrow afternoon.

[Steph]

Well, I've got a meeting with HR scheduled for tomorrow afternoon.

Good luck, keep us posted.

[Constance]

Thanks, Steph. I'll let you all know how it turns out.