I got ready to go out last night. I put on my favorit blouse put on my makeup. I was beautiful and ready for the night. I walked into the living room my oldest daughter was sitting in
there.it was the first time she has ever see me dressed up. She was shocked that I looked so much like a girl. I asked how I looked? She say if she did not know it was me she would have thought I was a woman.
Everything changes about me when I feel free. I forgot about being fisicly male. I went to the bar that I have been going to. There was a person there that knows by marty. It was great to see him but he kept calling he, him and so on. The icing on the came when some people came in that he knew. What hit me was they normaly don't go to a gay bar. They were there because it was one of their birthday.
He introdusted me as Marty. That is not the name I go by. That was okay but I could feel me being pushed back into my hiding place. I'm not a shy woman but I stayed a way from people as a guy. I he said to them He don't talk much. My mouth loched up. My heart started beating hard. Then he said, he is trying to become a woman. I felt like I had been slapped in the face. I wanted to cry so bad. I slowly picked up all my stuff off the bar and stepped down off the stool. They said where you going? I said, I'm going home. Why you just gothere he said. I did not say anything after that I had to get out of there.
I walked out into the parking lot and was going to just go home. I saw a rock beside an alley and sat down to cry. A black guy walked over to me and asked me if I had a fight with my boyfriend. I laught at him and told him I don't have a boyfriend. Then he said do you have sex with men. I looked up at him and said idid not come out here to talk I just want to be left alone. He said fine, I have to go anyway.
I didn't want go home so I sat there for about ten minutes and worked up the nerve to go back in. I was working on cheering up but it is hard to do when people keep reminding you of how you are down. I told him that next let me introduce myself. When you see me dressed like this she and her would be nice to hear. He knew all this before I have said it over and over again.
I was talked to by others at the bar told to not be ashamed of who I am. Cheer up, patted on my
back.one thing about me is I am not ashamed of who am and I can't stand when people think they know what you are feeling and say a bunch of crap that has nothing to do with the real problem.
To finish the night of as I was walking out there were a table of black men sitting there and yeld out show us your #8ck. I looked at them and said I don't have one and walked off every unhappy.
The whole night sucked up untl I thought about what my daughter said to me before I left.
