Running away?

[Cody Jensen]

I am seriously considering running away. I haven't come out yet but my family has made it pretty clear about how they feel about all this. Except, I don't know where to go. I don't want to go to a friend's house because I don't want them to get charged for kidnapping and my family will probably check there first. I want to go far away from the neighbourhood I live in. Maybe even out of the country. But I have a part time job and I'm going to school I probably wouldn't be able to support myself though. It's my first year in college. I have no idea how to travel. I don't even know where to begin. I have money but isn't taking a credit card with you how they track you? I heard public libraries and air ports are safe places to spend the night though. Is that true? Like I said, I'm seriously considering running away.

[Taka]

running away usually doesn't solve any problems, and you risk getting even more miserable unless you're in a life threatening situation or being severely abused. the better choice would be to move out of your parents' house as soon as you can afford your own place, and then take your family's reactions as they come. let them be the ones who severe your family ties if that happens

don't quit college no matter what, it's what will get you a good enough job to afford transition and independence from your family. suffering for a few years while doing what's necessary to become happy is better than suffering for many years because of one bad choice made in a moment of desperation. if it gets too suffocating to stay with your family, go to a friend's place for a few days. i'm enduring life with hopeless parents, but it'll soon pay off. i'm about to get a good job, and in a few months i'll have the freedom i've always wanted

[Cindy]

Hi Josh,

Running away will not help anything. It is your first year at collage work hard as hell get good grades and degrees, THAT is your escape. I know I did it. I went from the UK to Australia to 'run' away but I planned it. If I can you can. It is all in the planning. Running when you are not prepared will be terrible.

Post about your problems so people can help you.

We have all seen what colour the walls of Hell are so we can help and love you

Cindy

[Cody Jensen]

Thanks for both of your support. "Suffocating" is a perfect way to put it. In my house, it's just a bunch of screaming the minute my dad gets home. So since I am "suffocating" I'd also like a breath of fresh air. I had my best friend in mind but I don't know. We have an on off relationship and just. I don't know. I don't know how she can help me right now (other than just be there in general). I get nightmares almost every night, sometimes they're trans related, sometimes they're just nightmares. I always feel trapped and helpless in them and it's like when I wake up from them I didn't sleep at all. I feel like I'm going to collapse under the pressure my dad's putting me under to do well in college. He wants me to be a doctor of some sort "just like him". If I even mention any other career I just get a bunch of lecturing and reasons why I shouldn't go into that profession.

[Cindy]

A suggestion, I was surrounded at school by the people who had raped me. I could not escape them or their daily mindless taunts and comments. I built the mental shield. I made the escape plan and I worked to it. I did escape and have had a wonderful life. I do not care or give a damn what happened in the past I enjoying my life. I doubt they are.

With your dad, confrontation will be as equally useless. Build the mental shields, agree with him and  count the time down. Then live your life as you wish to live it.

It is time to develop.

Hugs

Cindy

[Ann Onymous]

Josh, your profile shows you are 19.  That means you ARE an adult, which means it is NOT running away.  It is simply GOING away, which is the right of ANY adult. 

Beyond that, only you can answer about whether you can make a financial go of it on your own...

[Taka]

age doesn't matter. running away means leaving your problems behind in order to pretend they don't exist in another place. i tried running away once, after coming of age, but i only lasted a week before i realized how bad an idea this was. now i'm dealing with my problems one by one, the future looks bright, and i'm glad i didn't run away for real. i'm convinced that it would only have made things worse for me

[Ann Onymous]

age doesn't matter. running away means leaving your problems behind in order to pretend they don't exist in another place. i tried running away once, after coming of age, but i only lasted a week before i realized how bad an idea this was. now i'm dealing with my problems one by one, the future looks bright, and i'm glad i didn't run away for real. i'm convinced that it would only have made things worse for me

depends on context...sometimes it simply means making a break from a ->-bleeped-<-ed situation.  I take it in this instance to be a simple relocation and fresh start.  Family problems sometimes require distance in order for them to resolve, if they resolve at all. 

[xAndrewx]

Josh, your profile shows you are 19.  That means you ARE an adult, which means it is NOT running away.  It is simply GOING away, which is the right of ANY adult. 

She's right. I mean they could report you as missing if you just disappear so you might want to write a letter like saying your leaving. Do you have any way to get a job near your college? I would not suggest sleeping in libraries or airports because if you are a heavy sleeper you could get robbed. Can you find someone to stay with for a little bit to get it all sorted out? Could you go stay with different family for a little while?

[Ann Onymous]

She's right. I mean they could report you as missing if you just disappear so you might want to write a letter like saying your leaving. Do you have any way to get a job near your college? I would not suggest sleeping in libraries or airports because if you are a heavy sleeper you could get robbed. Can you find someone to stay with for a little bit to get it all sorted out? Could you go stay with different family for a little while?

concur with not doing airports or libraries with any regularity, and libraries are not usually a viable option since they are not 24-hour operations in most instances.  Even the good law libraries are often only open 18-20 hours a day...

As far as leaving, I would simply pack stuff up and tell them "hey, I need to have my own space..."

[tekla]

Planning to 'run away' is referred to as moving.  And it's not like any of those places wouldn't notice you being there.  Airports have very high (like how high the moon) security, public libraries have security and are not open when you want to sleep, and some places (most anymore) like college libraries and law libraries you need an ID to get into.  Largely to prevent people from doing exactly what you are thinking of.

[JessicaH]

It sounds like you are also experiencing general anxiety that may be helped with something like and antidepressant/SSRI.  Do you have a clinic at school that you can talk to a doctor or counsulor? Listen to what others say about getting your education. There are so many in our community that are absolutely destitute and you don't have to be one. Getting an education by degree, tradeschool etc will give you all the tools to fix the other parts of your life.

What part of the country do you live in? We may be able to find some resources for you!

Hang in there, jessica

[Robert Scott]

If you really want to get out of the house --- go talk to your school.  Talk with the counselor --- they are a wealth of resources and likely have helped other youth get moved out on their own and independent. 

[SarahLynn]

Being in college you may have access to free counseling on campus. My college gives me 4-6 sessions per semester as a part of my enrollment. I would check that out and find someone to talk to.

[Cody Jensen]

Sarah I don't think I can go to counselling. I won't be able to talk. I'll be too scared. I know how it will be. And I'm really not comfortable with pitying type counselors either. At the same time though I really want to go and see one.

[Cody Jensen]

And to everyone who's saying running away won't solve anything. I just.. don't get how staying at home will fix anything either. Running away may not solve it but for me it will make things seem better..

[Amazon D]

Try reverse psychology on your dad. tell him you want to have a serious talk. Then tell him you have been getting all kinds of mixed messages. Tell him its the stress of rebellion that has you fighting him. Tell him if he would help you to get a room closer to college you would study hard and feel like he is on your side. Right now you have many yrs to go anyway. Get into a room closer to college to get some space and then invite your dad over and then ask him for money to further your education. Be smart don't be dumb and show rebellion. Show him you just need to feel more independent and that you do want to be a doctor just like him. He will support you and then as time goes by you will have your freedom and your college and you can say maybe be a DR to trans people but just don't mention that to him.

[Cody Jensen]

Try reverse psychology on your dad. tell him you want to have a serious talk. Then tell him you have been getting all kinds of mixed messages. Tell him its the stress of rebellion that has you fighting him. Tell him if he would help you to get a room closer to college you would study hard and feel like he is on your side. Right now you have many yrs to go anyway. Get into a room closer to college to get some space and then invite your dad over and then ask him for money to further your education. Be smart don't be dumb and show rebellion. Show him you just need to feel more independent and that you do want to be a doctor just like him. He will support you and then as time goes by you will have your freedom and your college and you can say maybe be a DR to trans people but just don't mention that to him.

I like the idea about getting a room near college.