Why "Can't" You Transition?

[Melissa]

Ok, sounds wise.

Melissa

[katia]

i [couldn't] transition because i was a coward.

[Ricki]

Okay this took me a while cause i had to reread and think on it.

happiness is a choice not the result of your circumstances.

this little phrase was really eating away at me cause i think a lot of these catch phrases people make up or create are great, but when you play the movie in real time.
Uggghhhhhhhhh
Life is just not all that pleasant and circumstances are not always pleasant.  rationalizing circumstances and turning lemons into lemonade, (hehe like that one) just does not always work.
I can count my best friends on one hand and i just lost one on sunday he died of cancer, a very quick fast diagnosis that i was told and within months he was gone and the son-of-a... Did not tell me a thing!  I found out by calling his house and having his sister from out of state answer the phone to say no i'm sorry ____ is not here he passed away this morning...............
I am not going to even pretend that accepting this as a circumstance and being happy with it is a feasible thing....
I am mad and I'll hopefully catch up to him in the next life and really kick his ___!
Terrible example but the reality of things is sometimes not as easy to emulsify into life.
Hugs
Ricki

[rhonda13000]

Okay this took me a while cause i had to reread and think on it.

happiness is a choice not the result of your circumstances.

this little phrase was really eating away at me cause i think a lot of these catch phrases people make up or create are great, but when you play the movie in real time.
Uggghhhhhhhhh
Life is just not all that pleasant and circumstances are not always pleasant.  rationalizing circumstances and turning lemons into lemonade, (hehe like that one) just does not always work.
I can count my best friends on one hand and i just lost one on sunday he died of cancer, a very quick fast diagnosis that i was told and within months he was gone and the son-of-a... Did not tell me a thing!  I found out by calling his house and having his sister from out of state answer the phone to say no i'm sorry ____ is not here he passed away this morning...............
I am not going to even pretend that accepting this as a circumstance and being happy with it is a feasible thing....
I am mad and I'll hopefully catch up to him in the next life and really kick his ___!
Terrible example but the reality of things is sometimes not as easy to emulsify into life.
Hugs
Ricki

While I am fighting to transmute my perspective and outlook from jaded and cynical to positive, I would concur.

But concurrently, it is simply untrue that one's attitude makes no difference in how one perceives their life [I am not accusing you of asserting such]. I found out the hard way that it certainly does have bearing.

[Evan]

1. I"ll never pass.
2. I'll be rejected by my family.
3. I'll be rejected by my friends.
4. I'll be a freak in society.
5. I don't have the courage.
6. I can live okay without transitioning.

I belived #1 untill I actually allowed myself to look in the mirror. At 5'10 I may be a bit taller than the average woman but not by any means unimaginable. #2 Still scares me. I am not a family person, as long as I know that they are ok, I do not need to see them that often, but I would be affectively killing a son, brother, etc. My only rationalization is that I would do it for real eventually anyway. #3, not really. #4 worries me economically. #5 would be a non-issue by the time I am living as a woman full time. #6, Not really sure that this is not true. I got use to the idea of life without happiness quite some time ago. I will say that the idea of transitioning is the first thing that has ever made me look forward to anything in the future.

[Yvonne]

Unknown person 1:  why can't you transition?

Unknown person 2:  because I'm already dead.

Uknown person 1:  what?  what do you mean?

Unknown person 2:  haven't you noticed? we're no longer living.  I killed myself today; you and I are both dead.  This was the other option we had and we took it. 

Unknown person 1: huh?

Unknown person 2:  WE'RE DEAD!  you killed yourself yesterday and I did the same thing today.  This is the only reason why we're not transitioning.  Our lives have ended.  We should have been braver; we shoud have taken the other alternative, we should have been more courageous; it was far better than being dead.  too late now.

[Jessica]

WE'RE DEAD!  you killed yourself yesterday and I did the same thing today.  This is the only reason why we're not transitioning.  Our lives have ended.  We should have been braver; we shoud have taken the other alternative, we should have been more courageous; it was far better than being dead.  too late now.

Hyperbole.

It's a valid choice among few choices available.

[LynnER]

Ive avoided even reading this thread for a while and desided to finaly take a look at it.....

Why I couldnt transition.....

1: Money
2: Lack of education to make money due to lack of money
3: Money
4: My band would never accept me and they were my only chance at makeing *Money*
5: My parrents will disown me and I wont get the money they owe me...

Well, my band accepts me, my parrents did disown me, the lack of money and educations were just a roadblock that seemed too overwelming... but I learned to get over it...  Im just as broke as I was before, but now Im broke and somewhat happy... and deffinatly happy with myself, and learning to just move on and get on with life... Money isnt everything.

[Yvonne]

WE'RE DEAD!  you killed yourself yesterday and I did the same thing today.  This is the only reason why we're not transitioning.  Our lives have ended.  We should have been braver; we shoud have taken the other alternative, we should have been more courageous; it was far better than being dead.  too late now.

Hyperbole.

It's a valid choice among few choices available.

I guess for some it is.  On the other hand, suicide only equals one thing = COWARDICE.

[taru]

Sometimes the other choices are even less good than suicide.

If it is the right way for someone even after careful consideration of other options, then I don't think the person choosing it is a coward.

[Suzy]

On the other hand, suicide only equals one thing = COWARDICE.

I respectfully disagree.  I do believe it is totally selfish.  And it is a way I've thought seriously about, but realized that, at that particular time, I didn't have the courage to go through with it.

Kristi

[Julie Marie]

Okay this took me a while cause i had to reread and think on it.

happiness is a choice not the result of your circumstances.

this little phrase was really eating away at me cause i think a lot of these catch phrases people make up or create are great, but when you play the movie in real time.
Uggghhhhhhhhh
Life is just not all that pleasant and circumstances are not always pleasant.  rationalizing circumstances and turning lemons into lemonade, (hehe like that one) just does not always work.
I can count my best friends on one hand and i just lost one on sunday he died of cancer, a very quick fast diagnosis that i was told and within months he was gone and the son-of-a... Did not tell me a thing!  I found out by calling his house and having his sister from out of state answer the phone to say no i'm sorry ____ is not here he passed away this morning...............
I am not going to even pretend that accepting this as a circumstance and being happy with it is a feasible thing....
I am mad and I'll hopefully catch up to him in the next life and really kick his ___!
Terrible example but the reality of things is sometimes not as easy to emulsify into life.
Hugs
Ricki

Ricki, you CAN overcome anything you want.  It's all determined by your attitude about life.  Your friend's death can't be ignored or made into a happy experience but it can be a learning experience.  You may have learned the people you leave behind need to be given the chance to say goodbye when possible.

I could list so many bad things in my life that you'd probably ask how I managed to stay sane.  But without knowing all that you'd say I am a pretty lucky person.  Life can be tough but life must be lived.  How you live it is completely up to you. 

You've said many times you'll never transition because you can't.  And if you believe that then it's true.  I believed it for decades and for decades it was a fact of my life.  Then one day I opened my eyes.  Now I'm wondering what took me so long.

All those catchy sayings you hear were created because the people who created them found them to be true.  You may not be able to control the world around you but you CAN control you.  And the only way to take control of your life is to just do it.  People all over the world blame everything around them as the reason for their lousy life and they probably believe that's true.  The real truth is our life is lived in the space betwen our ears, not across the street or on the other side of the globe.  You can't stop a speeding train but you can get out of its way.  If you want your life to be better, make the decision to make it better.  Deny that or accept it.  Whatever you do, the choice is yours to make.  The world won't change for you so you have to change your world.

Julie

[KarenLyn]

I didn't really have any reason not to transition. Cowardice slowed me down. From the time I learned I could actually have a sex change to the time I began living full time as a woman was just under 10 months. People may say it's selfish but I gave everyone else what they expected for 30 years. I earned the chance to do something for me.

Karen Lyn     

[Melissa]

On the other hand, suicide only equals one thing = COWARDICE.

I respectfully disagree.  I do believe it is totally selfish.  And it is a way I've thought seriously about, but realized that, at that particular time, I didn't have the courage to go through with it.

Kristi

Suicide is not a choice either.  It is not selfish and it is not cowardice.  It is when you no longer have the resources to cope with the pain in your life.  However transition is very similar in this respect and happens when you are no longer to able to fight the dysphoria.  Neither is selfish because they are not choices.  They are last resorts.  Just the fact that a person has made their way to this site to read this says a lot about which path they will end up choosing.

Melissa

[Evan]

Suicide is no more selfish than transition. Nor is it Cowardice. A person has no more obligation to live than they do to stay their birth sex. Both are choices that one can make in response to the path laid before them.

Berating another over how they handle THEIR life based on your own personal beliefs is wrong regardless of how much you mean well.

At the end of the day, I view transition as an ending in which I get to watch the credits. My life as I know it would be over, just as over as if I killed myself. The only real turn off I have to it is the fact that I will have to live with the fact that I took this person away from those loved him so much. It would be way too much for me to ask them to deal with somthing like that. I would relocate completely.

I would feel better inside but I just do not know how to be that selfish. If I did, I would have killed myself in High School, before I came to grips with things.

[tinkerbell]

Suicide is no more selfish than transition. Nor is it Cowardice. A person has no more obligation to live than they do to stay their birth sex. Both are choices that one can make in response to the path laid before them.

FYI, you are making an assumption and responding to this thread based on that assumption.  Transition is not a choice, not for the severely dysphoric at least.  It is a need, an ovewhelming necessity, it is like the beating of your heart, you don't choose for your heart to beat, it just does to keep you alive.  If there is someone who thinks that transition is a choice, then it is best not to transition, which will indicate you are not severely dysphoric to call yourself transsexual or trapped in the wrong body.

tink

[Kate]

If anyone has a "choice" between transitioning or not transitioning, then it is best not to transition which will indicate you are not severely dysphoric.

I don't like labeling anyone "not severely dysphoric" simply because they're approaching this decision rationally, before getting to the "transition or death" stage.

The thing is, I view GID as something like a progressive "disease" (not equating it to something nasty, just that it gets worse and worse). Waiting until you become suicidal seems kinda like waiting until your kidney bursts before getting help, having ignored all the warning signs (pain) until then.

I know we tend to view transition as some sort of tragic last resort. But ya know, that's really mostly because of the reactions we fear from society. IF we know someone is TS, and IF we know GID always gets progressively worse over time, wouldn't it be cool to diagnose it early on and fix it then?

I mean heck, the ONLY reason I got to the "transition or death" stage is because I was terrified of people's reactions. I certainly knew *exactly* what I needed as a child even, but I was too afraid to mention it or do anything. That fear took root, became unhealthy, and eventually led to the ultimate confrontation of Fear Vs. Need.

But there's nothing inherently wrong with transitioning, I don't think - just as there's nothing wrong with getting the appendix removed as soon as the signs are obvious. Removing the appendix before it bursts doesn't mean you're appendicitus was any less severe - it just means you were prudent.

Kate

[KarenLyn]

I think we've gone into the realm of personal opinions and in this case opinions which are opposed to one another. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion so perhaps we could drop it and move on?
just my 2¢


Karen Lyn

[Kate]

Based on my own experience, I always had the same "degree" (if you will) of GID, but like most of you, I tried to conceal my true feelings by "learning" how to be a "normal" guy; however, as I grew older, the lies became intolerable, and I felt like I was wasting my life living an existence based on lies and pretenses.

Exactly.

The volume of my heart screaming "I need to live as a girl/woman!" was just as loud at age four as it is now at forty-two.

What changed over time for me was that the fear of never getting to live as a woman eventually eclipsed the fears of the consequences for doing it. But oh my, what a crisis point to reach! Fear is a terrible driving force... it was soooo tempting to just avoid them entirely and check out.

BUT, had I been able to conquer my fears of ostracism at age four, I sure woulda loved to have doen this right from the beginning... long before becoming suicidal about it.

Kate

[katia]

FYI, you are making an assumption and responding to this thread based on that assumption.  Transition is not a choice, not for the severely dysphoric at least.  It is a need, an ovewhelming necessity, it is like the beating of your heart, you don't choose for your heart to beat, it just does to keep you alive.  If there is someone who thinks that transition is a choice, then it is best not to transition, which will indicate you are not severely dysphoric to call yourself transsexual or trapped in the wrong body.

tink

The words of a [faerie] are words of wisdom, at least for me they are.

like yvonne, i [used to] think that suicide was a sign of cowardice as well , now i know that it's a [valid] choice; transition is difficult, we sacrifice our family, our friends, our jobs; some can't cope with the loss and see suicide as their [only] way out.