I think I know what my wife's answer will be if I asked her "Do I look like a man?". The answer will be same as my own and as completely honest as my own opinion; that yes I do. I got a lot of history of looking at an image of myself in the mirror. She has over 30 years of memories of looking at me. I know I cannot completely and objectively look past the mental image. It is totally unfair of me to expect her to be able to. Especially when this isn't what she signed up for years ago.
Do I pass? Yes I do. Do I go out of my way to send a clear unambiguous message out to the world that I am a woman? You bet!
Your feelings and opinions are legitimate. She cannot deny you them. She may not like hearing them but the fact remains you are hanging in there with her, being as supportive as you can, and are not trying to make every day you are together a living hell! Way more wives just cut and run. You are one of the exceptional ones. Even going above and beyond the call of duty.
I know one married MTF in my group who is often whinning and moaning about how often the wrong pronoun is used etc, etc.. The thing is, at least to the meetings, she is at best androgynous. About the most femme aspect is her nails. Always in baggy jeans, loose tee, no makeup. Sure, I am being just a tad sexist. Sorry, I live in the real world where real people live. If you want people to see woman, you need to dress, groom, and act woman. I get by even with my basso profundo version of a woman's voice.
I think the real question your SO should be asking is what she can do to help project the image she wants the world to perceive her as. How she dresses, her makeup, her mannerisms, the words she uses and how she speaks, etc.. I totally appreciate the help my wife gives, especially if her opinions are not like mine. If they were the same as mine, why would I need hers?
Attitude may be everything, but only if your skin is thick enough to totally rely on it.
