We Need a Secret Handshake

[Leek]

A post by another user reminded me of something I've been contemplating for a time.

Have you ever been walking down the street and seen a person and just known that they might be trans? It's not that they're not passable--they might be perfectly passable--but you know how transpeople (especially ones who hang out with other transpeople a lot) always have an unusually refined "transdar." We just know sometimes. Especially when they're our same sex.

Have you ever noticed what you think is another transguy, and then he notices you, and then gives you the same look and you think that maybe you're both thinking the same thing? How could two such people acknowledge each other discreetly in a manner that others wouldn't notice? (Especially if you're the nosy type that just can't leave well enough alone and let the mystery live.)

Solution: We need to agree on a secret wave or handshake. (I've had other guys do the "nod" thing before to me, but that always leaves the possibility that they're just saying hello in a subtle fashion and they're not trans.)

[cynthialee]

yeah the 'dude nod' is just a way of saying hello

Personaly if there was such a thing I would never use it. I would not want to ruin a fellow transitioners day by letting them know I clocked them.

[Leek]

Personaly if there was such a thing I would never use it. I would not want to ruin a fellow transitioners day by letting them know I clocked them.

I could see that, but at the same time, it's not like it's clocking, really. Sometimes I notice things a cis-gendered person would NEVER notice. It's not that they're not passable or anything, it's just that other transpeople know sometimes.

I can see what you mean though. I may have been offended in early transition if another transperson clocked me, but now that I'm deeper in and it's been longer, I don't really give that much of a crap. In earlier transition, being clocked pretty much ended up meaning someone thought I still looked like a girl, but after awhile when T had afforded me more in terms of passability, another transperson thinking I might be trans too meant nothing of the sort--it just meant they could sense something I had in common with them.

Being trans isn't a bad thing, and I don't think there's any need to be offended if someone--especially another transperson--just knows, especially if it's not due to any lack of passability.

Anyway, I still vote for their being a secret wave or such. Because I'm just that goddamn nosy.

[Devlyn]

Well, you didn't hear it from me, but when I signed up for the crossdressers membergroup here, I got a secret decoder ring. Shhhh, hugs, Tracey

[JohnAlex]

yeah the 'dude nod' is just a way of saying hello

Personaly if there was such a thing I would never use it. I would not want to ruin a fellow transitioners day by letting them know I clocked them.

well that wouldn't happen in every circumstance. 

For example, a very similar thing happened to me.  First of all, I pass from a distance, but as soon as I talk people know I have a female body. which leads them to usually just wonder if I'm a lesbian then.
Well I walked into my sociology class on the first day, and there was another trans kid there who was like me, FTM, and he (hate to say it) did not pass all that well.  People could look at him or hear him and know he had a female body.  but there was something about him where I just knew he was trans, I kinda doubted myself and thought he could be a lesbian.  But the main confirmation I had that he was trans was that the whole class time he kept looking at me.  Like he also knew that I was trans.

In such a case, giving him the "secret wave" or something would not let him know that he wasn't passing to me, because he already wasn't passing.  it was more just confirming to him his suspicions about me.

After class, I finally just talked to him and confirmed that he was trans that way, lol.

[Dane]

I vote we run up to each other and give each other a massive belly bump. 

In all seriousness though, I think this is a pretty good idea. Mostly because I find myself wondering sometimes. :s

[Felix]

Lol Tracey. And Bradd. This thread makes me giggle.

Yeah Leek I've thought the same thing. I'm nosy, and I see trans or possibly trans folks downtown or in my neighborhood all the time. I want to say something sometimes, but I'm not great at tact and lol that might be a really messed-up way to start a conversation. I do think I've been acknowledged a couple times by people who were looking at me the same way I was looking at them, and that's kinda neat.

I don't ever get offended if another transperson clocks me. That doesn't really count. We have telltales (which cispeople won't usually notice) that aren't really connected to whether or not we're passing.

[wheat thins are delicious]

yeah the 'dude nod' is just a way of saying hello

Personaly if there was such a thing I would never use it. I would not want to ruin a fellow transitioners day by letting them know I clocked them.

This.

I could see that, but at the same time, it's not like it's clocking, really. Sometimes I notice things a cis-gendered person would NEVER notice. It's not that they're not passable or anything, it's just that other transpeople know sometimes.

I can see what you mean though. I may have been offended in early transition if another transperson clocked me, but now that I'm deeper in and it's been longer, I don't really give that much of a crap. In earlier transition, being clocked pretty much ended up meaning someone thought I still looked like a girl, but after awhile when T had afforded me more in terms of passability, another transperson thinking I might be trans too meant nothing of the sort--it just meant they could sense something I had in common with them.

Being trans isn't a bad thing, and I don't think there's any need to be offended if someone--especially another transperson--just knows, especially if it's not due to any lack of passability.

Anyway, I still vote for their being a secret wave or such. Because I'm just that goddamn nosy.

How do you know?  You say it's not cause they aren't passable but that you just know.  What basis are you using to identify other trans people. There is no way to know for sure because no matter what you think about the way a person looks, carries themselves, etc. you will never know what is in their pants or their hearts for that matter unless they tell you. 

Some would be very offended even if you aren't saying they aren't "passable" because to them they are just any other guy or girl.  They are not trans identified, they feel as though it's a medical condition that should not be the main descriptor/identifier of their lives. 

I personally would be pretty pissed because I am a man and no one has the right to act so all knowing as to out themselves to me (while implying that I am trans) without any provocation.

[insideontheoutside]

Sometimes I wish I could just mentally transmit a thought to someone like that - like they, hey I know ... kinda thing. But then again, I'm never 100% sure either so I wouldn't want to look like a dork lol

Usually if I'm being really observant the things that tip me off are:
1) smaller bone structure - that just leads me to believe the "born female" thing more times than not
2) no facial hair but very male haircut
3) if they're only wearing one shirt and I can see they're binding

But other than that, all bets are off. Even on #1 and 2 above I've seen male-bodied people occasionally fit that, so it's just really tough to tell.

[wheat thins are delicious]

Usually if I'm being really observant the things that tip me off are:
1) smaller bone structure - that just leads me to believe the "born female" thing more times than not
2) no facial hair but very male haircut
3) if they're only wearing one shirt and I can see they're binding

Or you think tip you off.  They could have androgen insensitivity syndrome or any other number of things.  They shave very closely or have light thin hair.  They are from a race where small bone structure is the norm.  They could have a back brace on (there are some you wear under your clothes) or be using a girdle cause they have a gut they are self-concious of.

[Abstract]

A post by another user reminded me of something I've been contemplating for a time.

Have you ever been walking down the street and seen a person and just known that they might be trans? It's not that they're not passable--they might be perfectly passable--but you know how transpeople (especially ones who hang out with other transpeople a lot) always have an unusually refined "transdar." We just know sometimes. Especially when they're our same sex.

Have you ever noticed what you think is another transguy, and then he notices you, and then gives you the same look and you think that maybe you're both thinking the same thing? How could two such people acknowledge each other discreetly in a manner that others wouldn't notice? (Especially if you're the nosy type that just can't leave well enough alone and let the mystery live.)

Solution: We need to agree on a secret wave or handshake. (I've had other guys do the "nod" thing before to me, but that always leaves the possibility that they're just saying hello in a subtle fashion and they're not trans.)

Wave with the pinky finger bent to the palm and the fingers together not loose.

[insideontheoutside]

Or you think tip you off.  They could have androgen insensitivity syndrome or any other number of things.  They shave very closely or have light thin hair.  They are from a race where small bone structure is the norm.  They could have a back brace on (there are some you wear under your clothes) or be using a girdle cause they have a gut they are self-concious of.

You missed that I also said ...

"But then again, I'm never 100% sure either"

and

"Even on #1 and 2 above I've seen male-bodied people occasionally fit that, so it's just really tough to tell."

I'm one of the people who "get it" so you don't have to come at me as if I just said I know for certain, all the time, every time, that someone is transgendered and that I'd actually say something about it to them. People assume I'm female all the time, you think I'd be the type of person to assume gender about someone else and walk up to them and confront them about it?

What I say to myself in my head when I see someone who MIGHT be trans is a far throw from me actually going up to someone and saying something. I'd never go up to someone and say anything about gender, no matter what they looked like. People assume, that's just the nature of people - but when you take it a step further, that's a bit of a different story isn't it?

Besides all that I think the OP meant this as a joke.

[wheat thins are delicious]

You missed that I also said ...

"But then again, I'm never 100% sure either"

You're right I did miss that but my points still stand for others that believe there is a way to know when really there is not.

[LivingInGrey]

yeah the 'dude nod' is just a way of saying hello

Personaly if there was such a thing I would never use it. I would not want to ruin a fellow transitioners day by letting them know I clocked them.

Sorry to intrude but I'm drunk enough ...

The 'dude nod' made me smile. This is one of those things that has vexed me for a long time (though I return it in kind as to not seem a jerk). I receive these from time to time, along with the way a guy holds a door open for another guy (looks back, pauses and lets go of the door in just enough time so that the next guy can catch it, if he hustles, just before it completely closes).

Almost depressing to see all the things you guys see happening to me.


(Again, sorry but Captain Morgan said it was Ok to post here tonight)

Anywho, carry on.

[Abstract]

Wait are non FTM not aloud to go into the FTM section? 

[wheat thins are delicious]

Wait are non FTM not aloud to go into the FTM section? 

No, why do you think that?

[Abstract]

It seemed implied when the above said, "(Again, sorry but Captain Morgan said it was Ok to post here tonight)"
IDK..just checkin I guess

[wheat thins are delicious]

Oh, nah I think it's fine to have the girls coming over here, but I guess some must feel like they don't want to intrude on our space.

[Keaira]

There is a flaw in this plan. And it's not the idea. I do really like it. The problem is, people talk. Someone somewhere would blab and show the secret handshake to a non-trans person who would pass this information on. It's just human nature. Now say someone who is very transphobic learns of this ritual. They could in theory turn it against us and use it to cause us harm. He learns this handshake, sees a really cute guy or girl and does the handshake. Guy or girl responds with the correct response to identify themselves as trans. Villain has his next victim.
Another issue is spreading this secret handshake around to the trans- masses while keeping it among us and not into the cis-gendered world.

[Felix]

It's fun to talk about, but I don't think OP or the other posters really meant that we should invent and implement something like this. I took it as tongue in cheek.