Difficulty in Post-Op Sex. Help?

[AndromedaVox]

Hello all,

This is my first post on the forum. I am a post-operative transwoman and had my SRS with Dr. Meltzer in June of 2008. I have been pleased with the results so far for the most part, as I am orgasmic and have been able to have a pretty normal sex life so far.

So here's the thing, I dated a woman for the past two years, and thus did not dilate using my largest dilators since they were not needed. Somehow, I lost about an inch of depth and now am at about 5" of depth. I thought this would still be adequate for having sex with men.

However, my girlfriend and I are no longer together and I have been seeing a man. Last night, we attempted to have sex for the first time and it was not successful. At first, he couldn't get inside at all (even with lube) and then he got inside a little but it just popped right back out. Have any of you had similar experiences?

I have been very concerned about this. I don't know if this is a problem due to lack of depth or just being too tight. If it is just tightness, I could bypass that problem by using a larger dilator more frequently, right? I have had sex with men before and I never had this problem, but this particular man is very well-endowed. Is there any way to increase depth non-surgically? Thanks so much to all who have advice! I would really appreciate some guidance as I would like to be able to have sex...

[ToriJo]

I'll speak from the perspective of a man.

5 inches seems like enough that you wouldn't have that problem, even for a large man.  If he is significantly in you, even if not completely in, I think he shouldn't have trouble staying in.  I would think either things are too tight or what you are doing is the wrong angle. You didn't mention pain, which is good I think, but I'd definitely listen to others before you assume I know what I'm talking about.  If it is painful, that's a sign that something isn't right and you should figure that out before pressing forward.

For angle, you might put a pillow under your rear and/or switch who is on top (possibly with a pillow under his rear).  With you on top, you might be able to angle yourself better to accommodate him.  Without getting into detail, there are angles to do and don't work between my wife and I.  I suspect that's true with every woman - everyone is a bit different after all.

I am also assuming that he is fully "ready".  If not, that might also cause problems.  (and things get "tired" after being ready for a while, so it might be good to start relatiely early he after he is ready if he isn't remaining fully ready)

[AbraCadabra]

Hi dear AndromedaVox,
I'm a new post-op so I had no sex as yet - BUT... 5" depth seems pretty fine for my understanding. Dr. Sanguan at PHI does not ever promise more than 5 - 5 1/2" due to his protocol/process.
I had 5 1/2 inches for the first few days post-op, yet doing my dilating diligently I am hardly 5" and having been myself a 'normal' 5 1/2 inch (male member) pre-op I can not imagine that your 5" depth be any problem as such.

Yet, there is the question of a fully engorged, "read" male member. If not the case, AND some well lubricated tightness on your side would squeeze/push him out and in particular if you squeeze your pelvic floor muscle!

Just to demonstrate what happens: if you have to sneeze and have a dilator inside you -- it will shoot out you vj like a bullet!
I had it happen and it made me giggle no end :-)

So, try not to squeeze, just submit (sweet surrender) and let him enjoy you.

My 2 cents, hugs,
Axelle

[AubreyRenee]

Replying mostly to get notifiations on this thread. Had a similar problem; I'm six months in and can't use the large _at all_ - and not for lack of trying! Tried to do something with a man and failed miserably. I'm now worried that I spent a lot of money to remove my capacity to have sex.

That, and I'm curious to see responses for this. one of the problems nobody's covered is what do do if you've gone a while without dilating in the long term. Sure, I know what goes on in the first year, but what if I end up not dilating for a few months a few years down the road?

[AbraCadabra]

AubreyRenee,
in answer to your question I can only supply hear say from some girls I met in Phuket a few weeks ago.
It goes: DO NOT STOP DILATING - ever, or you will really regret it later. Yeeees, so easily said I know.

Next, one tgf of mine was not even told to dilate (SA state hospital = 3rd world scenario these days) and now can not even insert her pinkie and her girl friend is the same. They had colovaginoplasty and all told have 7" depth but no entry, eh!

The young one is going to have labia and clitoroplasty and during that op they can 'open you up' again.
So, if your 'shrinkage' is far gone, the quickest way be a small op from what I can tell. Else, start from the smallest incertable item (pencil size?) and work your way up. That will truly need more patience then even I would consider to be an option.

My 2cents,
Axelle

[AndromedaVox]

Hey everyone,

Thanks to all who responded. I spoke to one of my nurses from Dr. Meltzer's office this morning and she gave me some good info that I thought I'd share with you all.

First off, as a couple of you have said, my depth shouldn't cause a problem. It is however, the fact that I wasn't dilating regularly for the past two years that has caused me to be so tight and why sex may be difficult. I was advised to dilate three times a day with my second largest dilator (since I'm able to get that one in) and then move up to my largest dilator. She said after a few months, my depth and width will increase and I should have a lot easier time having sex.

I am still curious to hear others' stories and advice if any of you out there have any. I haven't told this man that I am trans yet, but if I continue to see him, I imagine this is a conversation I'll have to have with him. Or maybe not. We'll see.

-Andromeda

[lilacwoman]

Hi everyone.
long time no see.
had my surgery on January 29 but it had to be colovaginoplasty due to shrinkage from being delayed too long... so thats a big
court case coming along soon...got the claims through court and going to get down and dirty anytime...

in the morning I'm locked up so tight I worry about keeping it clean but at night I just show it some lube and it relaxes a bit but that darn muscle about 2inches inside is so strong that it really pushes the dilators out and they actually knock against my pubic bone.

for what its worth I stopped using the big plain acrylic one the surgeon gave me as it was plain an dsmooth and the muscles gripped it so tight - stiction in engineering terms - so now I use a big fluted one that keep everything lubed and sliding easy.

[AubreyRenee]

This thread is apparently magical, because overnight things relaxed considerably. Things started getting tighter at 4.5 months and at 6.5 loosened up in a single night. Strangest thing I've experienced so far with this whole process. o.o

[pretty pauline]

I'll speak from the perspective of a man.

5 inches seems like enough that you wouldn't have that problem, even for a large man.  If he is significantly in you, even if not completely in, I think he shouldn't have trouble staying in.  I would think either things are too tight or what you are doing is the wrong angle. You didn't mention pain, which is good I think, but I'd definitely listen to others before you assume I know what I'm talking about.  If it is painful, that's a sign that something isn't right and you should figure that out before pressing forward.

For angle, you might put a pillow under your rear and/or switch who is on top (possibly with a pillow under his rear).  With you on top, you might be able to angle yourself better to accommodate him.  Without getting into detail, there are angles to do and don't work between my wife and I.  I suspect that's true with every woman - everyone is a bit different after all.

I am also assuming that he is fully "ready".  If not, that might also cause problems.  (and things get "tired" after being ready for a while, so it might be good to start relatiely early he after he is ready if he isn't remaining fully ready)

An excellent post from a guys point of view, 5'' seems an average dept to accommadate even a well endowed guy, you mention no pain, just getting the angle right as Slanan has said, lots in that post.
p

[missyzanta]

I m a yr and a half post and i have had a lot of sex with men over 6 inches AND quite a few over 7.  I STILL need to dilate once a week.  I inject lube inside me with an applicator and if i dont have sex in 3 days, its hard for the applicator to get in.  So dilation is something that will be a part of our lives til we die.  I get a panty girdle and put the biggest dilator in and put the girdle on and walk through the house as if nothings going on.  My man doesnt have a clue that i have it on or IN.  hahahah and once u wash dishes 20 mins have past or once u apply your makeup and comb your hair, there is 30 mins.  U CAN find time to dilate, its just remembering to do so.  I make sure that i dilate NOW prior to sex because my partners are big.  There is never any pain just discomfort with an extremely wide man in girth and you will be surprised how our neo vaginas stretch.  The advantage over naturally born vaginas is that ours will tighten back up and we dont have to worry about being TOO LOOSE ie child birth or over promiscuity.

[missyzanta]

I actually drove out of town with it in me for an hr.

[mm]

 missyzanta,  What imaginative ways to dilate while you are doing other things.  Your man could be right there and he not know you were dilating to be ready for him later.  Never considered that your vagina will never get too loose for you can always skid dilating for a few days and it will tighten up again.  That is something most cis woman want after childbirth.

[Michelle.]

News to me. I was under the impression that vaginal dilators where too non-pliable to allow for that much movement.

[FairyGirl]

oh god I don't see me ever doing that with my dilators--- for one thing they are 9 inches full length, and so some is going to stick out no matter how deep I have it.  And, they are hard as bricks!  Ouch. 

Having sex stretches you better than any hard plastic dilator though.  But missyzanta is right, they magically tighten back up if we don't constantly keep them stretched.  The best answer to that of course is just keep having more sex!!  (my boyfriend loves that answer )

[AndromedaVox]

Haha you guys have been so helpful! missyanta, I don't think I'll be doing much walking around with dilators in but I have increased my frequency to 3 times a day, and after 4 days I already see a major difference. My dilators are going in much easier and in a week or so I plan to move up to my larger dilator.

Fairy Girl, I really like that answer too! It sounds like a lot more fun to me but I know that I can't use sex to replace dilation. I am really REALLY gonna try to stick to 3 times a day until sex is easier and I feel more comfortable. It's a huge pain in the ass but it's what we have to do as transwomen!

[lilacwoman]

if you get sat in a laid back position you can just about insert your thumb and put some pressure on the big muscles and tissues and then it will be looser for a while but nice and tight when you wake in the morning.

[Butterflyhugs]

oh god I don't see me ever doing that with my dilators--- for one thing they are 9 inches full length, and so some is going to stick out no matter how deep I have it.  And, they are hard as bricks! 

Lol! Yea something tells me that wasn't the effect you were going for by having SRS 

[winter88]

I m a yr and a half post and i have had a lot of sex with men over 6 inches AND quite a few over 7.  I STILL need to dilate once a week.  I inject lube inside me with an applicator and if i dont have sex in 3 days, its hard for the applicator to get in.  So dilation is something that will be a part of our lives til we die.  I get a panty girdle and put the biggest dilator in and put the girdle on and walk through the house as if nothings going on.  My man doesnt have a clue that i have it on or IN.  hahahah and once u wash dishes 20 mins have past or once u apply your makeup and comb your hair, there is 30 mins.  U CAN find time to dilate, its just remembering to do so.  I make sure that i dilate NOW prior to sex because my partners are big.  There is never any pain just discomfort with an extremely wide man in girth and you will be surprised how our neo vaginas stretch.  The advantage over naturally born vaginas is that ours will tighten back up and we dont have to worry about being TOO LOOSE ie child birth or over promiscuity.

Hey missy zanta. i really enjoy your comments lol. you sound like the kinda gal i wanna be once im post op! was wondering were you went for srs? as you sound very happy with your vag. sounds like you actually have a happy sex life and life. xoxo winter88

[blackMamba]

I actually drove out of town with it in me for an hr.

LMAO