Non-Binary Introductions

[Amato]

Its interesting how certain situations can make us feel like we should be more feminine or masculine. I wonder what causes that feeling.

And thanks. Taito Magatsu ftw.

[Mark3]

Hi Anonbear,
Hi Anonbear,
Its nice to meet you..

I don't know either what causes that feeling.?
I just know that I feel like that also..

Welcome to the forum.!

[helen2010]

Its interesting how certain situations can make us feel like we should be more feminine or masculine. I wonder what causes that feeling.

And thanks. Taito Magatsu ftw.

This is a very interesting post. I am somewhat gender fluid and find this fluidity to be situationally based; my sense (at least to me) is, that an interaction is like a dance.  When someone leads you follow, when they wait you lead etc ... perhaps not a very good analogy but there is no doubt that some folk bring out the feminine aspect from me on some occasions, but on another occasion the same person also seems able to bring out my male aspect.  I have pondered this and while in part,  it feels that I am being called upon (or at least feel it is appropriate) to be dominant or submissive,  nurturing or driving .... I think that my response is also impacted by energy level, mood etc.  Does any one else have a similar experience?

Safe travels

Aisla

[Taka]

i react differently to different people.
some get fluidity going in me, always one gender or the other.
but others are more spiritual beings than some sort of gendered or sexual human being, and they do not get any gender aspect out of me, really. other than that which is my natural state somewhere underneath layers of genders.
there are also people who pretty much always get a default female response, this might be because it's easier to be a female type of nice and smiling brightly. it annoys me that there are such odd expectations of females, but living up to them doesn't really cost me much and is better than people thinking i'm grumpy or rejecting them.

but on some days, or in some moods, it's difficult to find fluidity, and i can suddenly find myself unable to give the response of a gender that i don't experience at all in that mood.

[Trying to be me]

Hi all. I'm so glad I found this site. I've been searching all over for some kind of support network. I've been going out of my mind because I don't have anyone to talk to about this and I have so much in my brain right now.  It's sort of a long, complicated story but basically, this week I have finally come to realize and accept that I am gender fluid. It was so obvious I don't know why I didn't see it before.

I have always been a tomboy, even as a toddler I'd rip lacy or other frilly things off cause I didn't like them. When I got a little older, I wore shorts under my church dresses. I was often considered one of the guys and everyone joked about how much of a tomboy I was. A lot of it was attributed me having 3 older brothers and getting all their hand-me-downs. Everyone thought I'd grow out of it. I didn't.

As I got older I tried to dress more girly because that's what girls are supposed to do but I always leaned towards the masculine side. I was just more comfortable that way. I did, however, still like to look pretty and in my early 20's started to enjoy wearing dresses and make-up, at least for short periods of time. They made me feel pretty. (I'm 27)

I never felt completely comfortable though in either boy or girl clothes. Sometimes I hated wearing baggy shorts and shirts. Sometimes I loved it. Sometimes I loved my breasts and tried to emphasize them. Many times I would try to hide them under large clothes and didn't want people looking at me  I realize now that's because of my ever changing gender and that I am often neutral.

A lot of this was realized this week and I have been feeling male for a few days. Before yesterday, I was ashamed of how I was feeling and wasn't comfortable in any of my clothes. Then after my epiphany last night, everything changed. I woke up this morning feeling less stressed. I found an old pair of boxers of my ex-husbands, my baggiest pants, and a sports bra. Although I wasn't able to completely dress how I was feeling, it felt great. I was ok with being male. I knew I wasn't weird or crazy. I had finally found a name for the way I had been feeling my whole life.

I ordered a binder and am so excited/nervous for it to get here. I want to express my genders more. I want to dress how I feel instead of how everyone is telling me a girl should dress. I'm not sure yet how far male I'll go in dress but I think I'm going to try to pass as male, when I'm having that kind of day. Just to see if I like it. I have a deep voice and many male mannerisms. (I do know that I am not transgender.) I have a lot of exploring to do and I'm hoping this site will help with my brain overload and help me figure out how to be me.

[Tessa James]

Welcome aboard Ttbm,

Your brain overload with a long and complicated story sounds familiar here as does you new found fluidity.  Your explorations and rejection of shame were apparently very liberating for you. bravo, keep it up.  Being yourself sounds like perfect advice

[Amato]

Hey there TTBM. Your situation sounds pretty similar to mine, which is pretty cool. Congrats on accepting yourself and being who you are. Will be looking forward to seeing your posts on the forum.

[Taka]

welcome, person who's trying to be me... i mean, you.

it's interesting how you say you aren't transgender. did you mean transsexual by that?
or do you identify as female even when your gender is male?

i am transgender, even if i do less than you to dress the male side of my gender.
accepting myself for who i am and dropping the shame, got rid of all my stress to transition or whatever.
i still want to, i have a way too feminine body for my own personal comfort, but i don't feel i need it in order to be happy.

[Jak]

Well, after a few days of reading, I thought I should take the plunge and post - though for no particular reason it's giving me anxiety...

I have a very long story, too long to post here. In short, I have finally figured out that I am non-binary. I suppose I should have had a clue when, several years ago, I had a cancer scare and thought, "This would be okay. I could ask for a bilateral mastectomy." Well, I was fine. But I'd still like to have my breasts removed. I'd like low-does T just to "even things out" a bit. Unfortunately I am in the second decade of a relationship with someone who would not respond well to any of this. I think our teenage son would handle it better. Anyway, I just wanted to post something. So glad to have found this forum. Looking back, had I really allowed myself to reflect on this I would figured it out sooner. I always knew that I wanted a "more male" body, but I didn't want to transition completely. Discovering 'non-binary' has given me a home.

Be well.

[Tessa James]

Like a few others here I denied, hid and repressed my feelings and purged my material things too long.  Three years ago I could not accept being trans as the few trans people I had met were very binary and my life did not seem to fit.  Later I met a person who presented as non binary and agender when they made a diversity presentation here.  I was very agitated and left before they finished speaking.  I was even paradoxically angry, my cover was blown away.  Counseling followed soon after and I have never felt so free and right with myself.  Finally, my entire life made sense from this non binary transgender perspective.

It's about allowing ourselves the freedom to be our most authentic self...some times that takes a little work and a voyage of discovery, set sail soon.

[Trying to be me]

welcome, person who's trying to be me... i mean, you.

it's interesting how you say you aren't transgender. did you mean transsexual by that?
or do you identify as female even when your gender is male?

Thanks for the welcome.

What I meant by saying I'm not transgender is that I do not want to transition to a male body. I don't want to have surgeries or take T. I don't want to become physically male, beyond binding. For the most part, I don't feel like I was born into the wrong body. My body just doesn't always match my constantly changing feelings; I'm a guy, I'm a girl, I'm both, I'm neither - depending on he the day.  You get what I'm saying?

[Trying to be me]

Thank you Tessa and AnonBear for the warm welcomes.

[Shantel]

Thank you Tessa and AnonBear for the warm welcomes.

Add one more, welcome to the big family! 

[Amato]

Thank you Tessa and AnonBear for the warm welcomes.

NP

Well, after a few days of reading, I thought I should take the plunge and post - though for no particular reason it's giving me anxiety...

I have a very long story, too long to post here. In short, I have finally figured out that I am non-binary. I suppose I should have had a clue when, several years ago, I had a cancer scare and thought, "This would be okay. I could ask for a bilateral mastectomy." Well, I was fine. But I'd still like to have my breasts removed. I'd like low-does T just to "even things out" a bit. Unfortunately I am in the second decade of a relationship with someone who would not respond well to any of this. I think our teenage son would handle it better. Anyway, I just wanted to post something. So glad to have found this forum. Looking back, had I really allowed myself to reflect on this I would figured it out sooner. I always knew that I wanted a "more male" body, but I didn't want to transition completely. Discovering 'non-binary' has given me a home.

Be well.

I can also relate to this. Boy the more people show up with stories I relate to the better I feel about being at susan's.

[Shantel]

Well, after a few days of reading, I thought I should take the plunge and post - though for no particular reason it's giving me anxiety...

I have a very long story, too long to post here. In short, I have finally figured out that I am non-binary. I suppose I should have had a clue when, several years ago, I had a cancer scare and thought, "This would be okay. I could ask for a bilateral mastectomy." Well, I was fine. But I'd still like to have my breasts removed. I'd like low-does T just to "even things out" a bit. Unfortunately I am in the second decade of a relationship with someone who would not respond well to any of this. I think our teenage son would handle it better. Anyway, I just wanted to post something. So glad to have found this forum. Looking back, had I really allowed myself to reflect on this I would figured it out sooner. I always knew that I wanted a "more male" body, but I didn't want to transition completely. Discovering 'non-binary' has given me a home.

Be well.

Hey Jak, glad you're here, the NB family is growing rapidly, you are a good fit!

[JulieBlair]

Hello everyone, it is good to be back home and to see new people.  I think that it is important for me to remember that how I feel about myself and my gender is never wrong.  It is simply how I feel, girl, boy, both, neither are all valid and all okay.  Last weekend I was a girl, dancing about Bent Con, and having a wonderful time in LA.  Today I am back in Seattle and shifting into something else.  Tomorrow my engineer side which is pretty dude_ish is going to keep me out of trouble.  It is all good and all me.

Happy and tired,
Julie

PS I missed you guys.

[Trying to be me]

Welcome Jak!

[Taka]

welcome, jak!
it's nice to see more people here who want to do "something", but not "everything".

What I meant by saying I'm not transgender is that I do not want to transition to a male body. I don't want to have surgeries or take T. I don't want to become physically male, beyond binding. For the most part, I don't feel like I was born into the wrong body. My body just doesn't always match my constantly changing feelings; I'm a guy, I'm a girl, I'm both, I'm neither - depending on he the day.  You get what I'm saying?

mhmm... i get it.
you're lucky, really, to be that comfortable with your body.
i like my own body quite well. it doesn't feel like someone else's, like i'm trapped in a... uh..
i'm not too sure i get what i mean. i constantly forget the differences between sex and gender and me and what i'm probably not.
"transgender" is a term that's meant to cover also those who have a different gender identity than what fits well with their birth sex, but don't really want to transition physically. but if you don't feel like it's a right term for you, "non-binary" is more than enough to say something about you.

[Shantel]

Hello everyone, it is good to be back home and to see new people.  I think that it is important for me to remember that how I feel about myself and my gender is never wrong.  It is simply how I feel, girl, boy, both, neither are all valid and all okay.  Last weekend I was a girl, dancing about Bent Con, and having a wonderful time in LA.  Today I am back in Seattle and shifting into something else.  Tomorrow my engineer side which is pretty dude_ish is going to keep me out of trouble.  It is all good and all me.

Happy and tired,
Julie

PS I missed you guys.

You were missed here too!

[Tessa James]

Yes Julie we missed you and want to hear more about that Bent Con in LA?