Non-Binary Introductions

[topit]

yoooo im jonah, a pre-everything trans girl, and I'm not really sure but i feel like i'm bigender with half of that being agender and the other half being femme. does that make me a demigirl?? who knows. i kind of stopped thinking about that totally, just like my romantic orientation. just threw it out the window. all i know is that i mostly ID as a trans girl but at the same time im a lil nonbinary. who knows???

[Tessa James]

Hello Jonah and welcome to the Place for non binary folks to share.  Your "who knows?" seems like a good place to be exploring from while the labels can get close but ya, throw em out the window.  You are unique and the only one really qualified to be YOU.  Glad to have you on board and I hope we hear lots more from you.

[Jaysinxdres]

Hello all! I'm new to susans, I was born male but now at 30 i have began my gender pilgrimage.  Ever since I was young I remember having days or periods of time that I didn't feel right. I wanted to be a girl. I don't hate being male I just don't feel that I am some times. I guess in all im trying to find out where I fit and the others like me so that I don't feel so closed in and lost. The days of pushing it to the side because of other things are done. I want to be able to present as a woman on the days I need and male on the others. The need to do so had become more prevalent  as each day passes. But I'm here to meet all you wonderful people and hopefully help define myself in a way that I can explain to other people and epically my son. I need to be me and I can't let it go.

[Tessa James]

Hey Jaysin Welcome again to Susan's place and particularly the non binary part of the forums.  I thought most small towns in Minnesota were famous for hockey:-)  When I was growing up in St Paul, Cretin High (yes a for real name) was also supposedly a hockey giant.  But back then there were no gameboys or internet and skating in winter was THE outdoor activity.  That was forever ago when gay much less transgender or non binary terms were never heard.

That need to be your true self is getting around as a reasonable idea.  The persistence of gender, sometimes in contrast to our plumbing, is pretty amazing.  Part of the beauty of all this is the ability and opportunity if not the need to express ourselves out loud.  Of course most of us have started in some closet, or isolation, or with furtive steps, and that can be enough....for awhile.  How long?  How close do we want to get to our dreams?  I lived as an androgynous appearing person for decades.  I used to laugh when some guy would see my long blonde hair from behind and then see my lite beard and sort of do a minor freak face.  Well excuse me;-)

Having a son adds depth and dimensions to your transition beyond your own and IMO he will be transitioning too.  He may learn more than other kids about the wealth of diversity and creativity all around.  Simple truths for explanation seem best.  My experience was that our close family members often do have a sense of who we are without the labels.  My son seemed to clearly understand I was not like other men but still preferred to live with me rather than his bio mom.

You are in the best position to simply define yourself.  There are challenges to not being clearly binary in a culture that thrives on the differences and exploits them constantly.  The whole world of ID cards and more is a lie.  That plastic card isn't you or me.  We too often grow up being told there is only right and wrong, left or right and male or female.  Talk about a bunch of boxes!  Even in the beatnik era of 1950s conformity they called it being "square."

By all means don't let go and do hold on tight.  It is the best ride I know of.  Thanks for sharing

[synesthetic]

I've been using these forums for months now but I only just discovered this thread, so some of you might have seen me around before! ^_^

hello, I'm Alex. I'm a teenager still trying to totally figure out my identity, but at the moment I'd say I'm most comfortable describing myself as a non-binary boy. I'm AFAB, and there's a reason that spells out "fab" I'd say I'm most comfortable with he/him pronouns, but they/them are fine as well.

some things about me... I love listening to and playing music. it's my passion. I'm still deep in the transgender closet and pre-everything, and I'm one of those boys who loves eyeliner maybe a bit too much. I definitely don't pass, but I sure as hell am destroying gender roles and stereotypes I started properly exploring my gender identity a few years ago, and I haven't been able to turn back since. (I also definitely need to hang around the nonbinary part of these forums more.)

[Tessa James]

Hey Alex,

I have been meaning to ask but now I get what the King of Guyliner means.  LOL and perfect camouflage for ambushing gender roles and stereotypes.  Please keep that up as it really is helpful for people to see around the corners of their minds.  Whole worlds of feeling and being lie just beyond some folks vision and some temporary labels.

Yes there is something almost intoxicating about allowing ourselves some freedom to be fabulous.  Turns out anatomy is not destiny after all!

[synesthetic]

Hey Alex,

I have been meaning to ask but now I get what the King of Guyliner means.  LOL and perfect camouflage for ambushing gender roles and stereotypes.  Please keep that up as it really is helpful for people to see around the corners of their minds.  Whole worlds of feeling and being lie just beyond some folks vision and some temporary labels.

Yes there is something almost intoxicating about allowing ourselves some freedom to be fabulous.  Turns out anatomy is not destiny after all!

haha I smiled way too much reading this! I wasn't really sure if everyone would know what it meant to be honest, but it's definitely become my motto and yes as long as I'm here, I'm definitely going to keep doing that

[TasJ]

So glad to find this place then I can see how other deal with what we are going through. I have had anxiety and lack of self-esteem till a couple of years ago when I went on a journey to find out who I really am. I was born male and had a late puberty but always been emotional for a boy and not particularly well developed. In my forties I find out I am bisexual and eventually got comfortable with that but still found it hard to relate to people and LGBT support just seemed to amplify it but a friend/mentor there said "Just be who you are, the rest will work itself out". I think it has as now I feel feminine moments and emotions and sometime burst into tears over nothing. I have strong urges to dress feminine, then I did some tests online, several different ones all reputable and over many months. It turns out I am bigendered/androgynous. I have been single for the last few years and I am worried about starting a relationship with someone until they know all this or I at least understand better who I am.

[Tessa James]

Welcome to Susan's TasJ,

Some great personal accounts in these pages that may help shed light on your journey.  I want to respect everyone's self definition but do suggest caution about just how reputable some on line tests are.  The concept and term autogynephilic is hotly debated or dismissed by some.  It seems labels are often insufficient to explain who we are and much personal exploration and discussion goes on here.  Join in by checking the forums and reading more and writing a reply

A moderator will likely notice your post and give you some "Terms of Service" to review.

[V M]

Hi TasJ 

Welcome to Susan's    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

Here's a few quick links to help you along

Please be sure to review

Things that you should read

Site Terms of Service & Rules to Live By	Standard Terms & Definitions	Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
Reputation rules	News posting & quoting guidelines	Photo, avatars, & signature images policy

Hugs

V M

[Swayallday]

I suppose i'm still figuring things out.

I chose the word gynandrous because it's a synonym to androgynous but gyn- meaning fem, in Latin. I suppose I lean more towards (S)he. If I were to scale gender from (male) 0 - 100 (female) i'd pick 80. Whether the other 20 percent is male or rather the genitalia, hormones, my cultural upbringing, the societal pressure, the all-male friend circles I can't really tell you, I don't know.

[Tessa James]

Figuring things out is a major part of why many of us are here, beyond the simple labels.  So welcome to the less rigidly defined part of the Place.

Yes, there any number of formative processes from multiple sources that help us find our place on a spectrum or even outside of any known boxes. 

Good luck exploring

[anya or otherwise]

hi I'm Anya/Alan.

I've been out to myself as bi-gender since Nov. '12. Since then it's been kind of a wild ride. I'm the parent of 3 year old twins, which has consumed a lot of energy.  I've been out to my wife since May '13 and it's been a struggle. Some weeks are better than others.

I'm glad to be here!

[suzifrommd]

hi I'm Anya/Alan.

I've been out to myself as bi-gender since Nov. '12. Since then it's been kind of a wild ride. I'm the parent of 3 year old twins, which has consumed a lot of energy.  I've been out to my wife since May '13 and it's been a struggle. Some weeks are better than others.

I'm glad to be here!

Hi Anya/Alan. Welcome to Susan's. 

Here are some links to site policies and other helpful information:

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions
  
• Post Ranks (including when you can upload an avatar)
  
• Reputation rules
  
• News posting & quoting guidelines
  
• Photo, avatars, and signature images policy
  

Sorry to hear it's been difficult on you. What have the issues been?

[Tessa James]

hi I'm Anya/Alan.

I've been out to myself as bi-gender since Nov. '12. Since then it's been kind of a wild ride. I'm the parent of 3 year old twins, which has consumed a lot of energy.  I've been out to my wife since May '13 and it's been a struggle. Some weeks are better than others.

I'm glad to be here!

Hey Anya/Alan welcome to Susan's Place.  There are a number of people here who also refer to themselves as bigender with their own personal mix and makeup for expression.  Being a parent really does add complexity and depth to your ride.  A most formative age for all of you??  Congratulations for a major disclosure to your wife.  We would be rich if we got a nickel for every reference to the roller coaster like highs and lows we know.  Best of luck exploring and sharing.

[April41]

Hello everyone, my name is April/Travis and I too am bigender. I've been living... "full time" as bigender since February this year. I live some days as a woman, other days as a man. I'm married with a three year old daughter and am out to everyone except my in-laws. This includes work, friends, family. I've known I was bigender for about a year and it's been the greatest realization of my life. I'm glad to be here and looking forward to hopefully making new friends.

[Tessa James]

Welcome to the non binary side of Susan's April/Travis.  I am sure many people here would like to know more about how you feel and how your full time experience is working out.  It is sweet to have options and new friends.  Sharing here is a safe and typically non judgmental opportunity. 

How did you arrive at that realization for yourself?

[April41]

Well as I made an attempt to live more feminine I got an overwhelming feeling of being false. Like, going out as a girl I seemed try too hard and lose a piece of myself. Once I dialed it back and allow myself to be completely who I am and embracing the masculinity that I enjoyed I realized that I couldn't live full time as a male or female, I needed to be able to do both.

[Tessa James]

Well as I made an attempt to live more feminine I got an overwhelming feeling of being false. Like, going out as a girl I seemed try too hard and lose a piece of myself. Once I dialed it back and allow myself to be completely who I am and embracing the masculinity that I enjoyed I realized that I couldn't live full time as a male or female, I needed to be able to do both.

I think such a transition could be at once more challenging, with fewer roadmaps and mentors, and yet more true to yourself?  It seems many of us try too hard when we are first coming out and I had the sense of wanting to avoid jumping from one stereotypical box to another.  I felt a lot like a teenager trying on styles, clothes and a new way to be myself.  I generally find non binary expression more intriguing and creative. Good for you.

[cjsnow1]

Namaste,

My name is Caine/Josie (M/F); I've been questioning my gender since High school (c. 2011 [graduated in 2012]) and identify as Non-binary while attempting a rational outlook on whether or not I want to begin HRT. I've been looking at the pros & cons and currently do not have any long-term plans though a Low-dose treatment sounds like a good idea a

As far as short-term plans I'm moving abodes at the end of the month so once I get situated and finished with a job-hunt, I'm going to get a blood test (Hormone level) as I've been curious as to whether or not that has to do with the thoughts I've been having as of late (regarding my doubts and what-not.)

Anyways...

I'll look forward to posting here more in the future.

Sincerely,
Caine/Josie