Why do some 'gay' men behave like 'women' ?

[Anatta]

Kia Ora,

This thread https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,108807.300.html got me thinking about the other side of the coin...

There are gay men who are like women in every way except for the fact, they don't crave a vagina and nor do they want to dress in women's clothes, yet they behave just like women...

I have a close friend in the UK whom I would describe in this 'gyne-co-mimic' way...His speech and mannerism are female, yet he's been in a loving 'same-sex' relationship for over thirty years-if on HRT he would make a very convincing female-he would'nt have to change a thing when it comes to his voice and behaviour...However he's happy with his maleness[body parts and 'male' privilege ]...

Food for thought......

Metta Zenda

[The Passage]

I don't get it myself. I just accept it as one of the metric TON of different individual identities and relationship roles.

[cynthialee]

I really turned it on its ear when I was 'male'.

Straight male that was very girly.

[Anatta]

Kia Ora,

No doubt some closeted M2Fs would be viewed by society[strangers who didn't know any better] as effeminate 'gay' men...

However when it comes to 'straight men, I once knew a guy who work at an hospital [he was a nurse] he was very 'camp' in his behaviour, yet was from what I gather 'happily married[to a female] and with children'...

Metta Zenda

[VeryGnawty]

I just accept it as one of the metric TON of different individual identities and relationship roles.

Yeah.  There are over 9,000 personalities.  I guess it's kinda hard to understand them all.

[wavy gravy]

maybe they're confused?

[A]

For some reason, there's always been a high rate of feminine behaviour in gay men. Maybe they unconsciously think "well, my sexual orientation already pushes me off the platform of normality. So why force myself to be more manly than I actually am?" And I guess sometimes, coincidentally, those "liberated gays" are also naturally feminine men. There are probably many "feminine men" in the rest of the population, but they don't even know they are, since they modified their comportment to fit the male role and are okay with it.

[Anatta]

Kia Ora,

In a sense, it would be gender expression 'only' for the gay male, and both expression and 'identity' for the M2F...

However there does seem to be a very fine line when it comes to gender expression and gender identity....

Metta Zenda

[eli77]

Kia Ora,

In a sense, it would be gender expression 'only' for the gay male, and both expression and 'identity' for the M2F...

However there does seem to be a very fine line when it comes to gender expression and gender identity....

Metta Zenda

Not sure it's nearly that straightforward. As far as I can tell my voice and mannerisms are pretty much the built-in factory versions - and both are very much of the female variety. I haven't messed with anything other than learning how to project a bit better so I don't sound like a mouse. It's part of why I really struggled to pass as a guy before I transitioned.

Not sure it has much to do with gender identity OR gender expression for me... Some of this stuff seems at least partly biological rather than exclusively social.

[spacial]

There seem to be a number of interesting points here.

Is, behaving like a man somehow learnt? Have some people simply not learnt? Is behaving like a female somehow inadequate? Are those that suggest efiminacy as a means of inuslt, (We all know what that means), attacking something innate or inadequate?

I think of my own situation. The one which brought me here. My dismorphia of my male appearance. Is that a symptom of my inability to learn to be a man? To stand up for myself? To be a tough guy, beating up those that annoy me and being socially boorish?

I am maried and have been for about 30 years. I will give up anything before I give up my wife. She is everything. It isn't sex. I don't do that. I would love to have had children. (sadly, no sex.  ) Yet I am, sexually speaking gay. Is that an affirmation of my satisfaction with my male role? An acceptance of my male body? Is my apparent dissatisfaction with my maleness indicative of something more?

I make these points about myself, but they are intended generally, for the discussion.

[Natkat]

Kia Ora,

This thread https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,108807.300.html got me thinking about the other side of the coin...

There are gay men who are like women in every way except for the fact, they don't crave a vagina and nor do they want to dress in women's clothes, yet they behave just like women...

I have a close friend in the UK whom I would describe in this 'gyne-co-mimic' way...His speech and mannerism are female, yet he's been in a loving 'same-sex' relationship for over thirty years-if on HRT he would make a very convincing female-he would'nt have to change a thing when it comes to his voice and behaviour...However he's happy with his maleness[body parts and 'male' privilege ]...

Food for thought......
Metta Zenda

---------------------
because we can,

to be simple its a question about steryotype, there are very femenine gay and straight men and very maculine straight and gay men.

however, if your straight then you have to be maculine, and so and its not much accepted to be femenine
on the other hand if your gay then its more accepting to be femenine, its actually more in your steryotype.

so for gay men it would be more okay to be like that.
I myself have been acting sorta maculine just to fit in the maculine role you sorta has to be to be a real man,
but as I got out I am pretty femenine, I sorta feel a diffrence between being with straight guys who are all like "chicks, soccer and so to be a real man!"
than being around gay guys who are more openminded and dont focus so much on the steryotypes but just as whatever you like.

the same goes for women btw. 

p.s. to be femenine or maculine dosent have anything to do with your gender or gender identety neither your sexual orientation.

[Anatta]

Kia Ora,

Thanks for your responses...

I find it quite fascinating how opinions differ greatly on the hows and whys... 

If a female likes to play rugby, drink beer and sits with both feet on the ground and legs open, is she behaving in a masculine way ?

If a male likes to play netball, drink cocktails and sits with his legs crossed[knee over knee] and foot on the crossed leg pointing downwards, is he behaving in a feminine way ?

Is it nurture or nature that makes them to behave this way ?

Or is it a mixture of both ?

I know in the long run and for the most part it's what one feels 'comfortable' doing...

So where does this feeling of comfort come from ?

Why do we do what we do ?

Just some random thoughts...

Metta Zenda

[Jacelyn]

These are interesting questions that you bring out

I think a gay have a feminine mode of perception regardling the preference of the object, where the desired object-gender is male, but he has little clinging to his subjective gender, and that his subjective gender can be easily shift according to demands of the object (partner). More like the case of pan-sexual person, except that gay has a heavy clinging to  the desired object-gender as male, that is, his perception of the subject (self-gender) can shift but his perception of the object (partner-gender) is not. Thus a gay may appeared feminine due to his physical traits, but it has little effect on him, than the physical attributes of other males that he admired, and can easily shift the subject gender perception (or role) if required to accommodate the demand of the partner.

I think gays who falsely considered themselves as MTF transsexual, one preference element that separate them from true MTF transsexual is the lack of definitive desire for the feminine organ (pussy), or show unusually high level of self-acceptance and contentment about their body with its existing male characteristics (self-acceptance and contentment due to little importance is place on one's subject-gender identity than toward the object-gender identity, thus may be showing higher passion toward having relationship with guys than to the goal of transition itself).  A typical gay will have no wish for transition (no need for hrt or srs), so these 'MTF transsexual' is very similar to them in the preference bracket.

[Jen61]

Because they are women 

Jen61

[Mahsa Tezani]

Kia Ora,

This thread https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,108807.300.html got me thinking about the other side of the coin...

There are gay men who are like women in every way except for the fact, they don't crave a vagina and nor do they want to dress in women's clothes, yet they behave just like women...

I have a close friend in the UK whom I would describe in this 'gyne-co-mimic' way...His speech and mannerism are female, yet he's been in a loving 'same-sex' relationship for over thirty years-if on HRT he would make a very convincing female-he would'nt have to change a thing when it comes to his voice and behaviour...However he's happy with his maleness[body parts and 'male' privilege ]...

Whoever wrote this, needs to get out more.

They don't really. They just act fabulous and flamboyant. If it's a woman, it's a cariculture of one. Women don't act queeny...as anyone here knows by hanging out with GGs

[Mahsa Tezani]

For some reason, there's always been a high rate of feminine behaviour in gay men. Maybe they unconsciously think "well, my sexual orientation already pushes me off the platform of normality. So why force myself to be more manly than I actually am?" And I guess sometimes, coincidentally, those "liberated gays" are also naturally feminine men. There are probably many "feminine men" in the rest of the population, but they don't even know they are, since they modified their comportment to fit the male role and are okay with it.

And I used to be one of them.

[Anatta]

Whoever wrote this, needs to get out more.

They don't really. They just act fabulous and flamboyant. If it's a woman, it's a cariculture of one. Women don't act queeny...as anyone here knows by hanging out with GGs

Kia Ora Mahsa,

It sounds like you started off like Georgina Beyer[a former NZ politician whose lead a very 'colourful' life she started out in the gay scene as a drag artist did  prostitution before realizing, she was transsexual, I think in her early twenties], however she ended up having surgery back in the early 1980s and has never looked back...

How long were you in the gay scene before finally accept you were trans ?

The friend I mentioned is not a stereotypical  over the top 'flaming' limp wrist queen, his mannerisms are more 'natural' 'gentle' and from what I gather he's only dressed in drag occasionally  [for fun]at parties in his younger days, like some gays often do[so do straights I guess, when going to fancy dress parties] but it was never a turn on for him so to speak...

Metta Zenda

[Anatta]

These are interesting questions that you bring out

I think a gay have a feminine mode of perception regardling the preference of the object, where the desired object-gender is male, yes that makes sense but he has little clinging to his subjective gender, and that his subjective gender can be easily shift according to demands of the object (partner). Again that makes sense  More like the case of pan-sexual person, except that gay has a heavy clinging to  the desired object-gender as male, that is, his perception of the subject (self-gender) can shift but his perception of the object (partner-gender) is not. Thus a gay may appeared feminine due to his physical traits, but it has little effect on him, than the physical attributes of other males that he admired, and can easily shift the subject gender perception (or role) if required to accommodate the demand of the partner.Sounds like my my friend in a nutshell...



I think gays who falsely considered themselves as MTF transsexual, one preference element that separate them from true MTF transsexual is the lack of definitive desire for the feminine organ (pussy), or show unusually high level of self-acceptance and contentment about their body with its existing male characteristics (self-acceptance and contentment due to little importance is place on one's subject-gender identity than toward the object-gender identity, thus may be showing higher passion toward having relationship with guys than to the goal of transition itself).  A typical gay will have no wish for transition (no need for hrt or srs), so these 'MTF transsexual' is very similar to them in the preference bracket.

Kia Ora Jacelyn,

Most gay men I know are straight acting, not macho just run of the mill men, mind you some do still retain the 'gay' voice...
There does seem to be a very fine line between the false M2F [as you put it] and the androphilic M2F whose mannerisms and behaviour are quite similar ...

Metta Zenda  

[Mahsa Tezani]

How long were you in the gay scene before finally accept you were trans ?

The friend I mentioned is not a stereotypical  over the top 'flaming' limp wrist queen, his mannerisms are more 'natural' 'gentle' and from what I gather he's only dressed in drag occasionally  [for fun]at parties in his younger days, like some gays often do[so do straights I guess, when going to fancy dress parties] but it was never a turn on for him so to speak...

I always assumed gay and trans were relative. My friend Adam was like, "You were so gay you became a chick". I mean I used to be a flamer...now I am hetero. But of course, gay men and het girls have similar personalities.

But really all I've done is change appearances. I'd prefer a gay man over a straight man...I feel comfortable around them. Maybe I am just too honest with myself... But I suppose I wish I was born female, but I was born male..

At least I look fabulous and that's all that matters. LOL

[Anatta]

Because they are women 

Jen61

Kia Ora Jen,

Back in the late 50s early 60s many in the mental health profession 'believed' gay men were 'women' trapped in men's bodies...Weird that...

Metta Zenda