I too know the feeling, but as one member of my GLBT said "How do you know the pain will stop?" I also figured out I didn't want to kill Pam the best part of me. When that part of your brain takes over it is hard to think straight but please know there are others who have felt your pain and have survived.
Like another post said - It does get better and you deserve that chance.
It is hard to be a woman - Honey You CAN do it.
Love Pam