Probably no painless way for you, and definitely no painless way for those you'd leave behind.
There are probably few of us who haven't had a finger on the trigger or the pile of pills in our hands, but 15 years past those thoughts, I can say I am so glad I never yielded.
And if you say, "I can't... talk to counselor, stand up to family, fight the bigotry..." just think how much easier they really are than ending one's life.
Take heart. Transition can happen, now, a year from now, even in your 50s or 60s. Transition is sooooo worth waiting for and working for.
Robyn the Elder