Non-sexual relationships?

[Konnor]

I posted a few weeks ago about my new partner's reluctance with sex, because of my equipment. I took everyone's advice and we talked about it, and I let him take the lead and waited for him to be ready. And he pretty much hated it. He really doesn't want to do it again. I know he's attracted to me and I turn him on, he just can't get past my downstairs. Now we're in a bit of a tough spot. I uh...pleasure him, but he won't do anything for me. We still make out and cuddle and everything like that. But I haven't been in this position before and I'm not sure if I can handle no sex forever. But we have such a wonderful connection, and I really want to believe that that aspect is much more important than the sexual aspect.

I guess I just wanted to see if any of you were in the same situation, or something similar. If you had any suggestions of ways we can be intimate without the insert tab A into slot B part, or if you are in a relationship with no sex at all. I thought about getting a strap on and maybe he would be comfortable pleasuring me that way, but I haven't brought it up yet. Any stories or tips would be appreciated!!

[anibioman]

well id be the one who would avoid the sexual part of the relationship. is you boyfriend strictly into guys because that could be difficult for him. i cant really comment on how to get your boyfriend to open up and have sex with you as im not gay and i dont have sex.

[Konnor]

Well, until now he has identified as pansexual. I'm going to say that perhaps he is panromantic and homosexual, I think that's the right way to describe it. But yeah, he has no problem with my identity or anything. Just my downstairs. Thanks for trying man!

[Ayden]

I wish I had some helpful advice for you. I am fortunate in that my guy has known about me for a long time, and we just work around the whole 'lacking a male penis' thing. We stick with oral and anal, and frankly I get more pleasure out of that than I ever did with intercourse. try the strap on thing if he is willing. My guy is very willing, seems to enjoy it plenty and I enjoy it probably more than I should.

After all, sex is way more than just penetration. Ask him what he would like to try, and don't be afraid to try something new. As a guy who has been in a long term relationship, the trying new things and open honest communcation helps to keep the excitement there.

[Konnor]

Thanks for the reply Ayden! It's great to hear that you and your guy were able to work around it. We haven't been together very long so we're still getting to know each other and everything. He definitely wants nothing to do with my junk, so no oral or hand jobs or anything from him. I asked about bottoming for him anally and he said he would rather not, since it wouldn't give me any pleasure. I've never tried anal so I honestly don't know if I'd like it or not. He is a top, so me doing him is out also. I'm not sure what else to try...I just really want to figure out a way to make this work. I'm going to bring it up again sometime and see how it goes. Thanks again Ayden!!

[Sharky]

I think a couple has an obligation to satisfy each other. They aren't reciprocating at all so I don't see how the relationship can stay alive. If I was you I would start charging them or leave.

[Kreuzfidel]

I'm sorry, mate, but I agree with Sharky.  While there is more to a relationship than sex, there is IMHO a point where it stops being a romantic coupling and becomes just a friendship. I guess I just have a big problem with one-sided sex.  I feel that it's a bit selfish to happily accept pleasure from your partner, knowing they're getting nothing out of it pleasure-wise for themselves, then refusing to even compromise to make them feel good, too.  Correct me if I'm wrong, but he has no objection to you giving him oral, which other than maybe turning you on doesn't do much for you, yet he won't give you anal penetration because he assumes you'll get nothing out of it?  What is the difference?  You may actually enjoy it.  Sorry if I'm making assumptions and seem agro.  My wife isn't interested in my junk as a hetero female, but she at least works around it and finds ways to make me feel good.

[insideontheoutside]

Since it's so early in the relationship I'd do some exploring on stuff. If you are up for penetrative sex yourself (I forgot if you mentioned that before) then maybe he could use a "toy" and not his own equipment? Or if he's up for catching then you can get the strap on.

If one partner is really wanting sex and not getting it, it really isn't likely it will last long term. While I don't believe that sex is a requirement for a romantic relationship (I'm the one who married an asexual after all), if it's important to one person and that person is not being fulfilled in any way by their partner then it will cause frustration.

But there's many different ways to be intimate without the ol' in-out.

[Konnor]

Thanks Sharky and Kruez. You're right Kruez, I think he wants to figure out a way to pleasure me but isn't really sure how. That's really good to hear that you and your wife found a way to work around things!!

Inside, thanks for the reply. That could work, him using a toy on me. Not sure if he'd be up for it but it's worth a try. He's not up for catching. Really the only reason I'd like to try the strap on is so he could jerk me off without touching all that stuff down there. Atleast that way we would both have an interactive way of getting off together. I agree that it could cause frustration down the road if we aren't on the same page, which is why we are trying to work through it now instead of much later. I'm really hoping we can find many other ways to be intimate without the in-out.

[emil]

when i first met my girlfriend i thought i was strictly into guys and her private parts weirded me out a little.....but that faded after a few months and now I no longer feel like that at all....in fact the sex is really great now and i like her body a lot. In the beginning, everything was just "new", "strange" and most of all just too much. So we slowed things down for a while and did only what i was comfortable with (e.g. she left her panties on, i left my boxers on).

So maybe he will change the same way i did and just needs more time.... I don't know if thinking of more and more ways to "introduce" him to your parts would really help. If he doesn't show any initiative then i wouldn't produce a bunch of toys out of nowhere.

[Konnor]

That could be true Emil, I never really thought of that. Hmmm. Now I'm not sure what to do lol. I guess I won't bring it up unless he does and give him a while longer and see how it goes. This is really confusing and hard not to take personally 

[emil]

 yeah i imagine that 
Then again, I don't think it's personal at all (sure wasn't in my case). A girl I went to school with ran away when she first saw her boyfriend's penis...another friend of mine left his girlfriend's house when they were just about to have sex for the first time and didn't talk to her for a month....so I guess it must be quite common..

[Konnor]

I'm not sure it's that common haha. But those stories made me feel better lol. Thanks man. 

[anibioman]

yeah i imagine that 
Then again, I don't think it's personal at all (sure wasn't in my case). A girl I went to school with ran away when she first saw her boyfriend's penis...another friend of mine left his girlfriend's house when they were just about to have sex for the first time and didn't talk to her for a month....so I guess it must be quite common..

hahahaha that reminds me of this girl i know who is very much straight but she thinks penises are gross she doesnt want to see them or touch them or anything... i feel bad for her bf.

[Felix]

yeah i imagine that 
Then again, I don't think it's personal at all (sure wasn't in my case). A girl I went to school with ran away when she first saw her boyfriend's penis...another friend of mine left his girlfriend's house when they were just about to have sex for the first time and didn't talk to her for a month....so I guess it must be quite common..

Lolya genitalia freak all kinds of people out.

[Sharky]

hahahaha that reminds me of this girl i know who is very much straight but she thinks penises are gross she doesnt want to see them or touch them or anything... i feel bad for her bf.

This reminds me of

[sonopoly]

Well, until now he has identified as pansexual. I'm going to say that perhaps he is panromantic and homosexual, I think that's the right way to describe it. But yeah, he has no problem with my identity or anything. Just my downstairs. Thanks for trying man!

This is an interesting discussion as I've learned here that anything and everything goes as far as sexual preference and sexual identity goes.  Sooooo, I guess that can mean that romantic relationships don't always include sex. I do think that in most romantic relationships, sex is expected at some point, so a person being pan-romantic, interested in you, but homosexual (and wanting male genitals) is a possibility, but not probable.

I do think you really need to talk to him about his desires and attraction, before proceeding with this relationship.  It could be a big waste of time and a lot of heartache.

[Konnor]

Thanks sonopoly for the reply. I agree that we really need to discuss this and be honest with one another, which we have been thus far. I don't want to push the subject though so I'm struggling with when to bring it up. I'm kind of just letting him take the lead with things and see what happens. Like I said before, we've not been together even a month yet, so we're not super serious yet. I'm just enjoying our time together and letting what happens, happen. Thanks everyone for the replies, I'll keep you updated!!

[Konnor]

Update! I brought it up today and it actually went surprisingly well. He said he had actually thought about asking me about strap ons but hadn't yet. He's definitely not going to bottom, but we're going to try using it for manual stimulation and see how it goes. This is a great step, I'm really excited! Thanks for all the help guys!!

[JohnAlex]

That's awesome, Konnor!  A great step forward