Something has been bugging me for a long while now and I can't really talk to anyone I know about it. I was wondering if anyone could offer some advice because I'm kinda confused and well... hurt by my friends behaviour.
I have a really close group of three friends; two girls and a guy. I have known them all for around 7 years now but for a few years one of the girls had been really cold towards me. About a year ago we got close and she admitted that she had been trying to fit in by picking on me because it took attention away from her. Well ok, I can forgive her that, its no big deal becuase I was so distanced back then I dont even remember half the stuff she did. Shes really opened up to me since I "came out" and felt comfortable enough to tell me she was Bi. Since then she has told the other two of our close friends now too but she sees no reason to actually "come out". She knows I dont like it when other people around me know I'm trans. I feel like its none of their business and if I present myself as male they should respect that.
So, we often go out on the weekends or evenings and poeple tend to aks if we are together. A few times she acted really offended by the comments so I asked her why because it hurt a little. I dont think of her in a romantic way but hey, theres no need to be rude right? She kind of avoided the subject but eventually said that it would just be weird because we're so close. I agreed. But then about a month ago we met up with a group of people she met at a family party. It was a big group of guys with their girlfriends and one of them approached us, siad "Hi" and gave her a hug then asked If I was her boyfriend (which I was actually really happy about because it meant I was passing). But then she shouted no so they asked why and she turned to me and said "Maybe we should just tell them." I was taken aback and asked what she meant. She said "Y'know. Maybe we should tell them about you."
I didnt know what to say to that. I had kinda guessed this was why she had been offended but I had really hoped I was reading too much into it. I told her not to but then people got curious and tried to figure out what it was that she was talking about. They tried a combination of things like "are you gay?" "Do you have a grilfriend?" then one walked up to me, looked me up and down and said "Your a girl aren't you." It wasnt a question, it was statement. I just walked away.
Later that night she got kinda drunk and started appologising non-stop for being offended about people asking if we were going out but she didnt appologise for the rest. I shrugged it off because thats what I usually do but lately shes been making jokes at my expense and if I tell her to stop or that what shes saying is offensive she tells me not to be so touchy or says "Yeah but you dont help yourself."...what does that mean?
I dont really know what to do about it. I dont mind laughing at myself sometimes but its got to the point where its not funny. I know that shes having problems at home lately so I undertsnad maybe shes feeling stressed out and a little angry but its not easy to ignore all the time. She would bite my head off if I ever suggested telling poeple we know that shes Bi, why did she feel it was any different with me being trans? Whats with all the cruel jokes all of a sudden? I dont want to lose as her as a friend but if she carries on like this I cant say I'm gonna be too pleased about being around her. I guess its been kinda building up lately and I know I tend to let that happen a-lot. I take it on the chin and then it gets too much and I usually end up punching walls or something to vent any strong emotions. Then I can usually go back to being indifferent but I supose thats not terribly healthy.
What am I supposed to do? Hells, I dunno, maybe I just needed to tell someone.
