Something has been bugging me for a long while now and I can't really talk to anyone I know about it. I was wondering if anyone could offer some advice because I'm kinda confused and well... hurt by my friends behaviour.
I have a really close group of three friends; two girls and a guy. I have known them all for around 7 years now but for a few years one of the girls had been really cold towards me. About a year ago we got close and she admitted that she had been trying to fit in by picking on me because it took attention away from her. Well ok, I can forgive her that, its no big deal becuase I was so distanced back then I dont even remember half the stuff she did. Shes really opened up to me since I "came out" and felt comfortable enough to tell me she was Bi. Since then she has told the other two of our close friends now too but she sees no reason to actually "come out". She knows I dont like it when other people around me know I'm trans. I feel like its none of their business and if I present myself as male they should respect that.
So, we often go out on the weekends or evenings and poeple tend to aks if we are together. A few times she acted really offended by the comments so I asked her why because it hurt a little. I dont think of her in a romantic way but hey, theres no need to be rude right? She kind of avoided the subject but eventually said that it would just be weird because we're so close. I agreed. But then about a month ago we met up with a group of people she met at a family party. It was a big group of guys with their girlfriends and one of them approached us, siad "Hi" and gave her a hug then asked If I was her boyfriend (which I was actually really happy about because it meant I was passing). But then she shouted no so they asked why and she turned to me and said "Maybe we should just tell them." I was taken aback and asked what she meant. She said "Y'know. Maybe we should tell them about you."
I didnt know what to say to that. I had kinda guessed this was why she had been offended but I had really hoped I was reading too much into it. I told her not to but then people got curious and tried to figure out what it was that she was talking about. They tried a combination of things like "are you gay?" "Do you have a grilfriend?" then one walked up to me, looked me up and down and said "Your a girl aren't you." It wasnt a question, it was statement. I just walked away.
Later that night she got kinda drunk and started appologising non-stop for being offended about people asking if we were going out but she didnt appologise for the rest. I shrugged it off because thats what I usually do but lately shes been making jokes at my expense and if I tell her to stop or that what shes saying is offensive she tells me not to be so touchy or says "Yeah but you dont help yourself."...what does that mean?
I dont really know what to do about it. I dont mind laughing at myself sometimes but its got to the point where its not funny. I know that shes having problems at home lately so I undertsnad maybe shes feeling stressed out and a little angry but its not easy to ignore all the time. She would bite my head off if I ever suggested telling poeple we know that shes Bi, why did she feel it was any different with me being trans? Whats with all the cruel jokes all of a sudden? I dont want to lose as her as a friend but if she carries on like this I cant say I'm gonna be too pleased about being around her. I guess its been kinda building up lately and I know I tend to let that happen a-lot. I take it on the chin and then it gets too much and I usually end up punching walls or something to vent any strong emotions. Then I can usually go back to being indifferent but I supose thats not terribly healthy.

What am I supposed to do? Hells, I dunno, maybe I just needed to tell someone.

Very few people that I regularly hang out with know my history.  If one of them ever outed me like that we wouldn't be friends any more.  In response I would have made a penis joke.  They work remarkably well at shocking people enough to shut them up and defuse questions.

Her: Maybe we should just tell them about you

Me: "Maybe you should tell them about my 12 inch cock?  I don't know if they really want to hear about my 12 inch cock?  It's really none of their business."  - smirks and makes eyes while showing a space of 12 inches between hands

Any rate I can't properly gauge this girl's intentions.  However if she was jealous of the attention you got before it's probably the same thing again.   She sounds immature and cruel in my opinion and not worth your friendship or time. 

She doesn't sound like a true friend.
If you don't stand up for yourself then it seems like you don't respect yourself. If you don't respect yourself then good luck getting others to respect you.

Agreeing with Sharky and Squirrel, she sounds like a nasty bitch who's just treating you like crap to feel better about herself. I'd say dump her as quickly, and completely, as possible because it'll only get worse.

Wow....dude stop being friends with this chick. I agree with what all the other guys have said; she seems cruel, rude and not even slightly like a friend should be. I say shut that down asap. If you can, ask your other two friends to back you up on this, and let her know it's really not cool, no matter how she feels, for her to abuse your friendship like this. Maybe when all of you turn on her she'll realise she's been a total cow and back off, but if not, walk away.

Don't let people be mean to you like that. It's not worth any other level of friendship they might provide, and you really shouldn't be in the habit of allowing such behavior to go unchallenged.

Interesting, I usually will challenge people on things like that dont get me wrong it was just that it shocked me so much I didnt have a clue what to do. Usually shes really understanding about things and will stand up for me, which is why it was so weird. I really dont want to just puch her away but I undertsand what you guys are saying, I was just wondering if theres any way I could get through to her. I think I'll try talking to the others and see what they say but if it carries on I doubt ill be hanging around much longer.
Thanks guys, much appriciated.

Quote from: Sharky on November 29, 2011, 07:07:31 PM
She doesn't sound like a true friend.
If you don't stand up for yourself then it seems like you don't respect yourself. If you don't respect yourself then good luck getting others to respect you.

I agree with this.  If this situation happened to me I would take a long break from her while reevaluating our friendship.

I'm not going to suggest that you ditch her as a friend.  But I do think that you need to get new friends, more friends.  More friends who are maybe LGBT and can understand you, and be on your side.   I think maybe she just needs perspective.  Maybe she doesn't know what's rude.  And right now you're kinda vulnerable and alone (no offense).  So maybe having more friends who treat you right would give you more confidence.  and would show her what being a real friend is like, and she might learn and follow suit. 
or you might end up deciding to ditch her over the better friends you made, lol.

And if you don't know where to go to find LGBT friends, look into local groups in your community, like trans groups.

I dont feel alone and Im certain that Im not. I have many friends not just this circle, they just happen to be my closest friends. Im going to a group for transexuals and I have a few friends who are of the LGBT community. All of my friends have been supportive and will stick up for me if I get any negative comments or insults. This is an isolated case, I didnt know why she did it and it was that that shocked me more than anything. Ive broached the subject with her although I was vague about details as I was kind of testing the water. She expressed that she felt bad for not having understood before and actually shes been alot better with the "jokes" today. I cant say that it will stay this way because I dont know but Im willing to give her the benifit of the doubt. I also found out something very interesting and Im starting to think maybe shes been doing this to take attention away from herself. I think she may be questioning her own gender from she told me though I doubt she will admit that to herself let alone anyone else right now.
I know you didnt mean to cause offense by your comment JhonAlex but Im certainly not alone however vulnerable I may feel and that is in increasingly less right now as my transition moves forwards. Yes what she didhurt me a great deal but it was out of ignorance and fear not spite.
Dont get me wrong, if it happens again I will be seriously evaluating the friendship and I doubt Ill be that friendly towards her, civil yes but not friendly I dont think it would be right to push her away without giving her a chance. It turns out shes actually been researching things not only to better understand what Im going through but also to try and help me out. So Im willing to forgive her this time. Thanks anyways, but I see no reason to abandon the friendship just yet.