I have ->-bleeped-<-. Is 20 too late to pass *attractively*? (pics)

[Ultimus]

I hear you. That almost sounded exactly like my words a few years ago. And what I realized now is living as a heterosexual male wasn't my option, it was too much pain to just stand idle by. I also didn't want to admit or live as a transgender than.  So I was stuck in this void almost of not knowing who I am. I knew I wanted to be a girl, but I wanted some other force like God to change me. Well I soon realized that If I was going to be a girl, I had to do it myself. I was really on the edge of my world and ready to jump off of it and opt myself out. I also knew that wasn't an option too. It took me 4 years to finally admit who I was and to start my path. I think 4 years was way too long. However, I feel much better now than I did before. Regardless of what path you take, if you choose to be a heterosexual male or going to transition, there both very difficult paths. However, for me the path to transition set me free and there are still bumps in the road, but I feel terrific and alive now.

So again I think you are on the right track in solving your life. The first step is to figure it out. It takes some time, but most of us discover ourselves and take the transition path.  Many girls on here are relating with you and that's good because it shows you that we were there and that this is an option for you, if you choose.

Many Giant Hugs

Edit: * 4 years at when I was at the void. I knew something was up when I was 6.

You mentioned God, and I was wondering if I could get your take on something. I am not a religious person. But my family is devoutly religious. I know everyone usually says that, but my family is even more so. I come from a Mormon household and if you don't know anything about Mormons, they are the most hardcore conservative Christians out there.  Even a guy getting an ear piercing is grounds for ostracism.

My parents don't know what my problem is, but they know I have a severe one and they worry themselves to death over it. They repeatedly claim that I can pray the problem away, and that with enough faith "God can heal anything." It wouldn't matter if my psychologist and I told them how I tried everything possible to live as a heterosexual male, they would still claim God could fix it. How in the world do you explain something like this to your parents who believe God can fix anything?

Hey, back when you were living as a male, did you identify as heterosexual or gay?

[BrokenCode]

You mentioned God, and I was wondering if I could get your take on something. I am not a religious person. But my family is devoutly religious. I know everyone usually says that, but my family is even more so. I come from a Mormon household and if you don't know anything about Mormons, they are the most hardcore conservative Christians out there.  Even a guy getting an ear piercing is grounds for ostracism.

My parents don't know what my problem is, but they know I have a severe one and they worry themselves to death over it. They repeatedly claim that I can pray the problem away, and that with enough faith "God can heal anything." It wouldn't matter if my psychologist and I told them how I tried everything possible to live as a heterosexual male, they would still claim God could fix it. How in the world do you explain something like this to your parents who believe God can fix anything?

Hey, back when you were living as a male, did you identify as heterosexual or gay?

I was a heterosexual male. I always liked girls and I still do. lol.

As far as with God. This is going as me assuming there is a God, so please anyone lets not have a religious debate here. Thank you. Well here it is, you ready. lol. This will be very difficult for you to explain it to your parents. My family is Roman Catholic so its a little more less hardcore.

I probably lost my faith many times in the process of my life. I felt very angry and hatred at God sometimes because he should have known that I was suppose to be a girl. However, one day I was in the pool on a float and  looking up at the sky and talking to God (of course in a matter of aspect its just me talking out loud to the sky) and I asked God to help me out with my life. At this time I was thinking about transitioning. And the craziest thing happened, was I felt truly inside myself that it was ok to do this. So after that moment, I shook it off and still decided to go through with it. So far I noticed many things have been going pretty good so far. I also felt that I'm ok and at peace with God. I'm not crazy religious or anything, but I believe. I also realized that when and if people are telling me it is a sin, I truly know its not just because of the experience I had. Another thing that gets me is that from the Old testament, you have an angry God, a punishing God. Then in the New Testament you have a Forgiving God. What what made me think about is that, say if God was first against gays and transgenders (just assume), you honestly think that there is no possibility that God didn't change his mind for thousands of years since then. I truly feel its right, because I don't feel I broke any Commandments, I am not harming anyone, in fact I am unharming myself. The way I unharmed myself is by this; I use to plan on suicide very often. So I was really afraid one day I was going to do that. So far I freed those feelings for now. I feel more connected to the world and at peace now.  So in other words if God is suppose to heal me, I truly think he showed me the way to heal myself. Remember God works in mysterious ways right. Well the way was through myself.

Anyways I hope that helps. Religion is such a hard thing because everyone has there own version of it. The true thing is I think you know deep in your heart if it is right to do, and not being influenced by others having them forcing you what you think in your heart is the right thing.

I usually don't talk too much about religion unless someone asks me. lol. In fact, I believe I shouldn't tell you what you need to believe. That's for you to decide. (If it is a test, its your test not mine).

I would just explain to your parents on how you truly feel inside and that something is telling you its ok to do this(if you do feel that of course). And you know what, sometimes family will never understand it. I always point out "Plato's allegory of the cave", it explains humans pretty well in regards experience and denial

1,000 Hugs

[Sailor_Saturn]

There's a reason Bailey had to leave his university post.

And what would that be?  In October of 04, Bailey resigned as chairman of the Psychology Department, he is however  Bailey still serves as a Northwestern professor (I just looked at the facility directory) so he wasn't forced to do much of anything.  Being chairman for the most part is a suck-ass academic job that gets less than no respect^* and is often chosen on the basis of picking the least offensive person.  They put one of his classes on hold, but hes' still got his office, staff, and of course, his paycheck.  So I'm not even sure I know what your are talking about.  I am, however, convinced you don't either.

Alright, you got me hard on that point. He stepped down from his chairmanship voluntarily and remains on staff, so the quoted statement amounts to nothing. I will, as a result, remove it and take the claim that his pseudo-scientific nonsense had far-reaching personal consequences back. My sources greatly exaggerated the impact of the ethics violations inquiry which surrounded him, and I didn't question them thoroughly enough. I know better than to not look into something personally, but in this case I did not.

To the OP:

I should've given more even weight to the issue at hand. ->-bleeped-<- wasn't the point, nor was it the question you were asking. I'll address your actual concern, and I'm sorry I didn't earlier.

20 years old is a fairly young transition age, and from the photographs you've provided you seem to have a fairly transition-friendly skeletal structure. A number of your masculine features will soften under the influence of estrogen, so you can expect an improvement even on what you have now (which is really pretty good). You're in excellent shape, so just try to maintain your health as it makes the transition process just that much easier. If you ultimately feel that transition is right for you, I see absolutely no reason why you couldn't pass well. The biggest roadblock I see you facing is a lack of confidence.

[Jen61]

Alright, you got me hard on that point. He stepped down from his chairmanship voluntarily and remains on staff, so the quoted statement amounts to nothing. I will, as a result, remove it and take the claim that his pseudo-scientific nonsense had far-reaching personal consequences back. My sources greatly exaggerated the impact of the ethics violations inquiry which surrounded him, and I didn't question them thoroughly enough. I know better than to not look into something personally, but in this case I did not.

To the OP:

I should've given more even weight to the issue at hand. ->-bleeped-<- wasn't the point, nor was it the question you were asking. I'll address your actual concern, and I'm sorry I didn't earlier.

20 years old is a fairly young transition age, and from the photographs you've provided you seem to have a fairly transition-friendly skeletal structure. A number of your masculine features will soften under the influence of estrogen, so you can expect an improvement even on what you have now (which is really pretty good). You're in excellent shape, so just try to maintain your health as it makes the transition process just that much easier. If you ultimately feel that transition is right for you, I see absolutely no reason why you couldn't pass well. The biggest roadblock I see you facing is a lack of confidence.

Hvor er du ? Long Live Dennmark

[Rain Dog]

I've never felt like I was a girl trapped in a guy's body

Nor is it a recognised symptom of transsexualism. It's an ages-old cliché used to explain it to the rest of the world. It falls short because not all transsexuals feel exactly that way.

[Ultimus]

^^ Yeah, I don't think I fall into the stereotype of being a woman stuck in a man's body. I just feel like "me," if that makes any sense whatsoever. 

Well I finally told my mom tonight. She's known I've had a severe issue for 2 years now, but she didn't know what it was. It didn't go well at all. She said that I am not that way, that she would never support me in it, that it was a lie, and that I could get help and fixed, and if I pray hard enough to God that the problem will go away because "God can do anything." I had to lie to my mom and tell her that I was still trying to make these thoughts go away and that I would go to a new psychologist to try to get strategies for making these thoughts go away.

But the truth is, the gender therapist I'm going to see is going to be to help me transition, not to try to block these thoughts. Because blocking the thoughts didn't work, I tried for 20 years.

I tried making an appointment with the endocrinologist today to get on HRT. It looks like I am going to have to transition in secrecy. I only have to live at home for another 1.5 years until I graduate.

[cynthialee]

jdinatale I am so sorry you had to deal with that.

[Mahsa Tezani]

Nor is it a recognised symptom of transsexualism. It's an ages-old cliché used to explain it to the rest of the world. It falls short because not all transsexuals feel exactly that way.

I feel like a gay boy most of the time.

[tekla]

and remains on staff

Janitors, cooks and campus security are on 'staff'^*- he's a tenured professor, a faculty member at a major university.  Yeah, so he was wrong to some degree (though I've often thought that ->-bleeped-<- is just the result of someone who was told to 'go ->-bleeped-<- themselves' and didn't think it was an insult, but rather a damn good idea) but the idea behind tenure is that there is some sort of freedom to be wrong on occasion.  Like Gandhi said: Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.  Particularly in the realm of ideas, which is what universities used to deal with before they became nothing more than post-high school job training sites.  Because, in being wrong you often open discussions that might not have happened otherwise.  Bailey got a lot of people thinking, talking, writing and discussing something that otherwise would not have been talked about at all.

his pseudo-scientific nonsense
Yeah his drivel (and he writes like a sausage at best) is pseudo-scientific nonsense - but, then again, so is all the psychology that you agree with.  There is a reason that junk like psychology and sociology is called 'social science' and not 'science'.  The reason is that true science is about predictability, which psychology and sociology fail at, and hence can not be called 'science' in the same way that Chem, Physics and Biology are.  Why anyone would take any of that stuff at the same level of serious that say physics is (approaching Veritas), well it's beyond me.  It's all just 'theory' - nothing can be proven.  It's all pseudo-scientific nonsense - 'opinion' masquerading as fact.


* - 'staff' tends to refer to people who are employed, but are not directly contributing to the main work being done.  People you need to get it done, but who are not doing it.

[Forever21Chic]

I feel like a gay boy most of the time.

  Lol you're so gay you became a woman!      

[BrokenCode]

^^ Yeah, I don't think I fall into the stereotype of being a woman stuck in a man's body. I just feel like "me," if that makes any sense whatsoever. 

Yeah that actually makes sense. lol. I felt the same way before, I really couldn't describe how it felt. Until I started to get into the transitioning more seriously, I then realized that the phrase "I am a woman stuck in a man's body" means to me that my brain is female and my body is male. I want to do girl things, dress like a girl, and look like a girl. However, I also like to do boy things as well. I then noticed that I was stereotyping what girls and boys are suppose to do. Then someone told me "Samantha" (you know who you are lol.) that whatever you do is still female and you will always be you. (something like that)

Well I finally told my mom tonight. She's known I've had a severe issue for 2 years now, but she didn't know what it was. It didn't go well at all. She said that I am not that way, that she would never support me in it, that it was a lie, and that I could get help and fixed, and if I pray hard enough to God that the problem will go away because "God can do anything." I had to lie to my mom and tell her that I was still trying to make these thoughts go away and that I would go to a new psychologist to try to get strategies for making these thoughts go away.

But the truth is, the gender therapist I'm going to see is going to be to help me transition, not to try to block these thoughts. Because blocking the thoughts didn't work, I tried for 20 years.

I tried making an appointment with the endocrinologist today to get on HRT. It looks like I am going to have to transition in secrecy. I only have to live at home for another 1.5 years until I graduate.

Yeah this made me cry a little bit. I can't even imagine how you felt. All I know is your mom is going to be a challenge for you, but don't let that discourage you. I think I now know what you mean about hardcore christian. This reminds me of a story about a kid was in the hospital with a life and death situation, and the mother didn't want anything medically done because of her faith in God. The kid died later.

Mabe you could get your mother to go to Therapy with you. And what I mean by that is you do your therapy session alone in regarding your transition. Then you do another therapy session with your mother, and don't tell your mother about the first one. This way she will think that she's going just for the transition, but in reality you both are going for her and you to cope with the situation.

I do know its very difficult to change peoples aspect on a religion when they are buried over their head with it. Any type of force that tries to break their aspect is considered evil or something.

I truly hope for the best with you. You need to hang in there. I know you can do it and it will pay off in the end. It may be a while though.


Many many Hugs

[Ultimus]

Yeah that actually makes sense. lol. I felt the same way before, I really couldn't describe how it felt. Until I started to get into the transitioning more seriously, I then realized that the phrase "I am a woman stuck in a man's body" means to me that my brain is female and my body is male. I want to do girl things, dress like a girl, and look like a girl. However, I also like to do boy things as well. I then noticed that I was stereotyping what girls and boys are suppose to do. Then someone told me "Samantha" (you know who you are lol.) that whatever you do is still female and you will always be you. (something like that)

Wow, that describes me as well. My whole life I have desired to look and dress female, but I can't describe how exactly it feels. But I also like to do traditional boy things like video games and watch mma (mixed martial arts, cage fighting, that sort of thing). I can't really think of a stereotypical girl activity I would want to go out and do. Like I don't want to run out and be a ballerina princess or something. lol

Yeah this made me cry a little bit. I can't even imagine how you felt. All I know is your mom is going to be a challenge for you, but don't let that discourage you. I think I now know what you mean about hardcore christian. This reminds me of a story about a kid was in the hospital with a life and death situation, and the mother didn't want anything medically done because of her faith in God. The kid died later.

Mabe you could get your mother to go to Therapy with you. And what I mean by that is you do your therapy session alone in regarding your transition. Then you do another therapy session with your mother, and don't tell your mother about the first one. This way she will think that she's going just for the transition, but in reality you both are going for her and you to cope with the situation.

I do know its very difficult to change peoples aspect on a religion when they are buried over their head with it. Any type of force that tries to break their aspect is considered evil or something.

I truly hope for the best with you. You need to hang in there. I know you can do it and it will pay off in the end. It may be a while though.


Many many Hugs

awww, that makes me feel sad knowing that you felt sad!

Anyways, she was like, "You can't be this way. I watched you when you were first born for signs and you always acted 100% boy. You never acted like your sisters. Parents do that sort of thing, they observe for signs of pedophilia and such. If you ever decide to 'act on' your urges, I would never support you in a lie, because you are a boy and always will be. I get crazy thoughts in my head all of the time, and I don't act on them. Sometimes I get angry and feel like hurting people, but that doesn't mean I act on it."

I was thinking to myself, "What, are you really comparing being a pedophile to being transgendered? And are you really comparing violent thoughts, to thoughts of being transgendered?"

[BrokenCode]

Wow, that describes me as well. My whole life I have desired to look and dress female, but I can't describe how exactly it feels. But I also like to do traditional boy things like video games and watch mma (mixed martial arts, cage fighting, that sort of thing). I can't really think of a stereotypical girl activity I would want to go out and do. Like I don't want to run out and be a ballerina princess or something. lol

Haha, that was me. I drive a Black Challenger and these girls drove up and thought I was going to be some hot dude. lol. I also like UFC fighting and Action movies. lol. The crazy thing is now that I am transitioning I am able to try new girly things without feeling discomfort being male. It almost seems like I can act myself now and I can feel comfortable now. Like I can go in the women's department and look at bras comfortably. Or get makeup and other girly items. The awesome thing is now my friends that are girls want to hang out with me more. lol. You know it doesn't matter what you like, or how far up or down you are on the girl spectrum chart. lol. At one point I considered myself a tomboy, but then I wanted to try more girly things " and I liked it". lol. So whatever makes you feel comfortable about yourself. The good news is the Therapy will bring the real you out.

Anyways, she was like, "You can't be this way. I watched you when you were first born for signs and you always acted 100% boy. You never acted like your sisters. Parents do that sort of thing, they observe for signs of pedophilia and such. If you ever decide to 'act on' your urges, I would never support you in a lie, because you are a boy and always will be. I get crazy thoughts in my head all of the time, and I don't act on them. Sometimes I get angry and feel like hurting people, but that doesn't mean I act on it."

I was thinking to myself, "What, are you really comparing being a pedophile to being transgendered? And are you really comparing violent thoughts, to thoughts of being transgendered?"

You know I noticed something different when I was 5 or 6. I didn't really know I wanted to be a girl until I was 8. However, I came out to my parents at age 25.78. lol. And my mom, dad, and sister had no clue that I was transgender. Another thing is not all transgenders know at an early age, some go years before knowing. Everyone is different I guess. The other thing is I'm not sure if your mom knows what Dysphoria is. The best I can say it is from my opinion, is that its a force of dissatisfaction in regarding something unmatched or unbalanced. That it can lead to depression and suicide.  Here another def on dictionary.com: a state of dissatisfaction, anxiety, restlessness, or fidgeting. (pretty close lol.) But this is pretty hard for people to understand because its an emotion or feeling that only some people experience. Say for example I and everyone in the world never experienced pain. But one day one person does. Everyone would think he/she is a faker or something else. They will never know what pain is until they actually feel it.

Sweet Hug

[Forever21Chic]

Anyways, she was like, "You can't be this way. I watched you when you were first born for signs and you always acted 100% boy. You never acted like your sisters. Parents do that sort of thing, they observe for signs of pedophilia and such. If you ever decide to 'act on' your urges, I would never support you in a lie, because you are a boy and always will be. I get crazy thoughts in my head all of the time, and I don't act on them. Sometimes I get angry and feel like hurting people, but that doesn't mean I act on it."

I was thinking to myself, "What, are you really comparing being a pedophile to being transgendered? And are you really comparing violent thoughts, to thoughts of being transgendered?"

  My parents especially my mother said similarly things to try and persuade me out of transitioning. It sounds like she is in denial because she is afraid of losing you, this is probably really hard on her so be careful how you go about bringing up the subject. I think it would be wise to print up some information about being tg and give it to her and your sister, let them read about it and decided for their own if it's really "crazy" or not.

"You can't be this way. I watched you when you were first born for signs and you always acted 100% boy. You never acted like your sisters.

  Not all ts are aware of feeling their body doesn't match their mind that early in life. The ones that do act up and insist they're the wrong gender at such an early age are according to the Benjamin scale (named after Harry Benjamin) true transsexual "high intensity" but these kind of transsexuals are quite rare. The other two labels in the Benjamin scale are true transsexual "moderate intensity"  and transsexual non-op.

  Sources: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Benjamin_Scale
   

[Sailor_Saturn]

and remains on staff

Janitors, cooks and campus security are on 'staff'^*- he's a tenured professor, a faculty member at a major university.  Yeah, so he was wrong to some degree (though I've often thought that ->-bleeped-<- is just the result of someone who was told to 'go <not allowed> themselves' and didn't think it was an insult, but rather a damn good idea) but the idea behind tenure is that there is some sort of freedom to be wrong on occasion.  Like Gandhi said: Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.  Particularly in the realm of ideas, which is what universities used to deal with before they became nothing more than post-high school job training sites.  Because, in being wrong you often open discussions that might not have happened otherwise.  Bailey got a lot of people thinking, talking, writing and discussing something that otherwise would not have been talked about at all.

his pseudo-scientific nonsense
Yeah his drivel (and he writes like a sausage at best) is pseudo-scientific nonsense - but, then again, so is all the psychology that you agree with.  There is a reason that junk like psychology and sociology is called 'social science' and not 'science'.  The reason is that true science is about predictability, which psychology and sociology fail at, and hence can not be called 'science' in the same way that Chem, Physics and Biology are.  Why anyone would take any of that stuff at the same level of serious that say physics is (approaching Veritas), well it's beyond me.  It's all just 'theory' - nothing can be proven.  It's all pseudo-scientific nonsense - 'opinion' masquerading as fact.


* - 'staff' tends to refer to people who are employed, but are not directly contributing to the main work being done.  People you need to get it done, but who are not doing it.

You have given me much to think about, Tekla. I shall do so very carefully. I'm not going to bother modifying the word "staff" in my previous post, though. I'm sure my meaning is clear enough as is, especially to a reader who reaches this page of the discussion.

[A]

Oh, my... If I were in your situation, my mother would have needed to have done so much for me before to keep her right to be considered human in my eyes. She's going to be a handful, even more so if you actually love her a lot, which is most probably the case.

You should work on making her understand that she can't know what you think nearly as much as you do, and the whole concept of transsexualism. Maybe you could find a good documentary for her to watch with you.

My father didn't react nearly as badly as this, but I still haven't forgiven him... But I didn't have very positive feelings towards him anyway.

[Jen61]

and remains on staff
There is a reason that junk like psychology and sociology is called 'social science' and not 'science'.  The reason is that true science is about predictability, which psychology and sociology fail at, and hence can not be called 'science' in the same way that Chem, Physics and Biology are.  Why anyone would take any of that stuff at the same level of serious that say physics is (approaching Veritas), well it's beyond me.  It's all just 'theory' - nothing can be proven.  It's all pseudo-scientific nonsense - 'opinion' masquerading as fact.

Add psychiatry to the psychology and sociology BS. They are all predicated in this nonsense concept that the mind is more than just the product of the brain tissue activity.

[Ultimus]

Well, I got brave and made an appointment with my endocrinologist today, the one who's been doing my TRT. January 3rd! It's very difficult to get in, so I kind of have to jump right into the HRT because that's my only appointment date.

Now, do I need some sort of note from a psychologist to give to him saying that I need HRT, or does a self-explanation do?

But then afterwards I felt incredibly guilty and sneaky as if I'm doing something really wrong and immoral behind my parent's back. Then I got scared because it finally hit me, "Whoa, you're actually going through with this." And then all of the ramifications sunk in. Like now it's beyond the fantasy I've dreamed of for 20 years, this is real life, with real consequences.

Then I got home and saw a pretty girl on facebook and thought, "Man, I'd love to be able to be the heterosexual male I've always tried to be so I could just live a happy normal life."

Then doubt sunk in. What if I'm wrong? What happens if I wake up one morning wondering, "what have I done?" and the changes are permanent?

Haha, that was me. I drive a Black Challenger and these girls drove up and thought I was going to be some hot dude. lol. I also like UFC fighting and Action movies. lol. The crazy thing is now that I am transitioning I am able to try new girly things without feeling discomfort being male. It almost seems like I can act myself now and I can feel comfortable now. Like I can go in the women's department and look at bras comfortably. Or get makeup and other girly items. The awesome thing is now my friends that are girls want to hang out with me more. lol. You know it doesn't matter what you like, or how far up or down you are on the girl spectrum chart. lol. At one point I considered myself a tomboy, but then I wanted to try more girly things " and I liked it". lol. So whatever makes you feel comfortable about yourself. The good news is the Therapy will bring the real you out.

I know what you mean, every time I'm in the store, I want to look at girly clothes like bras but it would be really uncomfortable doing that. Glad to see I wouldn't be the only girl who likes UFC, I'm a hardcore MMA fan, I can quote statistics, fighter biographies, all of that. I did wrestling and boxing in highschool and I just got home from a brazilian Jiu-Jitsu class. Are you more of a casual fan or a hardcore fan?

It always makes me laugh to myself because I go to jiu-jitsu and wrestling practice and smash guys, acting real manly, but secretly I have the desire to be a girl... like it would be a big shock to the boys if they knew, based on how I present myself. lol

Oh, my... If I were in your situation, my mother would have needed to have done so much for me before to keep her right to be considered human in my eyes. She's going to be a handful, even more so if you actually love her a lot, which is most probably the case.

I think everyone loves their mom... but I LOVE my mom. I mean, I hug and kiss her everyday, tell her I love her multiple times throughout the day, we have the best relationship, like we're best friends. Same goes with my twin sister. Like it goes way beyond the typical brother sister relationship. She's my straight up best friend.

  My parents especially my mother said similarly things to try and persuade me out of transitioning. It sounds like she is in denial because she is afraid of losing you, this is probably really hard on her so be careful how you go about bringing up the subject.

I think that's spot on. She repeatedly states she hates change and is scared of losing us kids and being all alone. She gets really really depressed thinking about losing us.

[BrokenCode]

Well, I got brave and made an appointment with my endocrinologist today, the one who's been doing my TRT. January 3rd! It's very difficult to get in, so I kind of have to jump right into the HRT because that's my only appointment date.

Now, do I need some sort of note from a psychologist to give to him saying that I need HRT, or does a self-explanation do?

But then afterwards I felt incredibly guilty and sneaky as if I'm doing something really wrong and immoral behind my parent's back. Then I got scared because it finally hit me, "Whoa, you're actually going through with this." And then all of the ramifications sunk in. Like now it's beyond the fantasy I've dreamed of for 20 years, this is real life, with real consequences.

Then I got home and saw a pretty girl on facebook and thought, "Man, I'd love to be able to be the heterosexual male I've always tried to be so I could just live a happy normal life."

Then doubt sunk in. What if I'm wrong? What happens if I wake up one morning wondering, "what have I done?" and the changes are permanent?

I know what you mean, every time I'm in the store, I want to look at girly clothes like bras but it would be really uncomfortable doing that. Glad to see I wouldn't be the only girl who likes UFC, I'm a hardcore MMA fan, I can quote statistics, fighter biographies, all of that. I did wrestling and boxing in highschool and I just got home from a brazilian Jiu-Jitsu class. Are you more of a casual fan or a hardcore fan?

It always makes me laugh to myself because I go to jiu-jitsu and wrestling practice and smash guys, acting real manly, but secretly I have the desire to be a girl... like it would be a big shock to the boys if they knew, based on how I present myself. lol

Yeah I'm more of a casual fan, if I pass it on when I'm channel surfing, I'll leave it on. lol.
Also I always wondered if I would wake up and say what have I done. But so far haven't yet. hurray . I think its just a what if Fear. That's why it is important to continue therapy ever so often until you are sure your complete. Another thing is I had to get a letter from a specialist such as my Therapist to authorize HRT for the doctor. So you may run into something like that where they have to evaluate you for about 3 months. However, you might actually slide in since you have been doing sessions with your psychologist for some time now.

I'm glad to see that your starting transitioning. Remember take it slow and once you get comfortable with where you are, then its time to take another step. Just don't postpone things because of Fear. You kind of have to push yourself a little bit everytime, but then you will feel much better in the end.

Wish you the best.

Happy Hug

[Bishounen]

Just to flick in a little comment on what jdinatale wrote in the latest post Yesterday at 09:19:03 pm: You know- and I always say this when someone wants to transition but still feel somewhat uncertain or unwilling over losing parts of life as a male(Or female)- You can transition fully into a female and still live as a heterosexual male whenever you wish to. Just because you have a certain type of anatomy, that doesn't mean that you have to bound yourself to a specific Gender-expression and role, if you do not want to(As is also proven by the fact that there are females born with male bodies and vice versa).

You can transition fully into a female- bodily- but also live the part of a male, if you would still have those urges after transitioning.
As for sex with girls as a heterosexual male, well, there are highly professional penis prostethics avaible nowadays that looks incredibly natural and is also functional and are glued onto the skin in the croatch.

You Gender is inside of you, but Gender expression and Gender roles is for you to decide- or atleast to a part- how you want to express them.

I Can highly recommend the following thread as an example of this very topic: https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,90608.0/topicseen.html

In short, don't feel despair(If you do that) over a loss of a specific gender role when you don't have to lose that part, as you can still keep the parts of it that you want to keep(No pun ).