Techniques for dealing with triggers

[Padma]

...and I got a little self-defensive there, of course . Sorry...

[Kitty_Babe]

To be very honest, whenever I feel less of a guy for whatever trigger.
I first tell my girlfriend, and second think about very rough sex with her.
I don't know, being dominant in bed makes me feel good and forget all my insecurities concerning my masculinity.
Works for me.

This is a great tactic.

Well not for HER though is it !

Triggers, - if you read, hear or see some thing you know makes you upset/angry, AVOID THEM. If a TV show gets on your nerves - DONT watch it. Everyone has triggers that makes people angry or upset, in all things in life, you want to be a happy person, you should avoid them, and find some peace of mind in yourself. As many negative emotions there are, there are also positive, some more powerful than others, if you choose to dwell on the negative emotions, then, you will naturally either cave in with depression, or you will try and fight it. Some things we can't avoid, but we can ignore them if we choose to. Ignorance is bliss, some times you need to develop a "thick skin" in life just to get by.

Just a thought.

Catherine X

[Joeyboo~ :3]

Uh excuse me, but it's a veeeerrrrry good tactic.

[Padma]

Let's not get into Tactic Wars here - different things work for different people.

[Kyyn]

Thank you for starting this topic
I hadn't really understood what a 'trigger' was until the other day I had a bra-sizing (to see if exercise was really making me smaller)
Once I left the store, the panic attack hit. I'd never had one like it. Depressed and nauseous.

I'm gonna try all the things suggested and see what works.

[Felix]

Uh excuse me, but it's a veeeerrrrry good tactic.

Now I feel all warm and fuzzy.

[Arch]

I had another nice little incident about a week ago, but I think the trigger got under my skin because I had too many other anxieties to contend with.

Cisdad, I really hate talking about my feelings, too. I've become fairly comfortable doing it here, anonymously. And I can mostly do it with my therapist. Both help.

Here I was lamenting over the damage I'd done to myself with the years and years of suppressing and avoiding, but I was still practicing avoidance. That is, I was looking for a way not to discuss all of this with my therapist. I can't really start talking about this stuff and then keep coming back to it week after week--I think that would send me over the edge--but we have discussed these issues a few times since December. I think that Cisdad's strategies will work better for me than my therapist's, but my therapist also counsels mindfulness. I have to be mindful in order to use any strategy. Combination approach.

A part of me would love to avoid these triggers, but some pop up unexpectedly, and most are inevitable as long as I watch movies/TV, read, go to support sites, and socialize with real people. And avoidance was what got me into this pickle in the first place. If I'd dealt with things back in the day, I wouldn't be all jacked up about them now. Not like this.

My therapist feels that when I do actively seek out triggers, it's because I want to get better. I was unconvinced at first, but now I think he's right. To cope with practically all aspects of life, I used to go inside my head, where it was safe and where I had total control. But I can't do that anymore--I mean, I literally lost the ability to do it--so now I'm in the real world. I return to certain types of TV shows and movies as a substitute for my imagination, but I cannot control the real world the way I controlled my inner life. And now I have real feelings, not those uber-controlled and filtered things that I used to call feelings. I'm not used to that, either.

All of this is a recipe for the occasional meltdown, during which I can't think straight and can't implement coping strategies. But I can gain a little more awareness each time it happens, and then maybe I can try some of these techniques when I'm partway into my meltdown. I'll gradually start earlier and earlier in the process.

I'll get there.

[Felix]

Whether you get anywhere through it or not Arch (even with whatever degree of anonymity), I'm glad that you've raised the visible specter of what a lot of us tangle with. Life is tough. I was raised not to show emotion, and obviously I do, being a scientist and a bleeding heart liberal and the sole family member of a little girl, but I understand the pull to quash all outward signs of weakness. Props and thanks.

I think I have a good therapist, but I haven't gotten to know her yet. Even if she's perfect I'm jealous of you for having a male one.

[alexharmon]

I have very strange triggers, and I have to say, none of them are gender related.
I am afraid of RVs (those busses that have a tiny house inside of them), large men who talk condescendingly, clocks, noises in the middle of the night (I am DEATHLY terrified and will instantly have a panic attack if there is a noise that will not stop), having my eyes covered up, and rooms of more than 20 people, and night-time in general.

For me, learning how to deal with anxiety attacks has been a major tactic to go through day-by-day life. Of course, not all of these things can be avoided, especially being in rooms of more than 20 people, and every so often when I walk to the store I will see an RV. What I have learned is to always have a method with me to cope with whatever comes up. I always have something I can clutch onto to make me feel safe. For me, it is my engagement ring, I never take it off. When I am inside, I make sure to get fresh air. Tell people that when you are having an anxiety attack NOT to touch you, the biggest mistake you can make is to physically touch a person having an anxiety attack until they have collected themselves.

Anxiety attacks, for me, with my ADHD, can be caused by over-stimulation. If you are prone to anxiety attacks, try to reduce your caffeine intake and not to do too many things at once, such as multitasking or having multiple windows open when you are using the computer, or not have the TV on when you are doing something else: etc. It helps your mind NOT race when your mind is used to processing one thing at a time, and processing it well. Also, it helps you get to sleep a lot easier, which helps you not get anxiety attacks!

Since a lot of my triggers are caused by abuse, I often have to tell myself that I am safe. Find why you're being triggered, and cater to the young you or abused you or scared you that needs nurturing and nurture it.

Also: protip. When you're beginning to feel anxious, do a "body scan". Do deep breaths, and move your conscious through every part of your body. Find where the anxiety is affecting you. Are your hands shaking? Does your anxiety affect your legs? chest? stomach? Identify these so that when you are reaching a trigger, you can find your limit.

[Arch]

This thread is so much easier to deal with now that I'm not in a "trigger space."

Felix, a male therapist was an absolute necessity for me. Although I've learned to connect virtually with a few women (not all of them trans), I have pretty severe trust issues with women in person (and women in general).

That's one reason I'm so grateful to even HAVE a virtual medium. I can see folks as people first and women second, and this way I can work on my weird little phobia.

Alexharmon, I found your post very helpful--doing the body scan is a great idea if I can keep it in mind. I'll work on it. If I can be just a little more aware when I'm having a meltdown, or if I can spot the meltdown right before it happens...

And what you said about giving the young me the nurturing he needs--that's what I was doing for years inside my head with my daddy figures. I'm still figuring out how to get similar benefits without that strategy. The trick is to find a real-world strategy that helps me as much as my imagination used to. Now I have to get what I need from real people instead of the ones I make up. The learning curve sure is steep.

[pretty]

I go back to my ideals.  Who I really want to be. And then I move on, because my issues are like a spider's web and the more I consciously struggle against them the more control they exercise over me.

[Felix]

One of my best ways to deal with triggers is to think of how I'd want to teach my kid to deal with such problems if she encountered them.

On of my other ways is childish, but I think of a guy I used to look up to a lot, and I don't think he would have wanted to see me unhappy or suffering so much.

[Ayden]

I write, actually. I have a collection of short stories that I have written featuring a guy named Chase. Whenever I am having a difficult time dealing with something, I write it out into a short story and see how he would deal with it. For some reason, it gives me the distance I need to logically think about the problem or issue and figure out how I would handle it. Chase is a character that I have created over the last several years, and he has his own personality completely. One thing I have found is that I don't write Chase in a certain way, he writes himself and sometimes refuses to do what I want him to.

I wrote a short story a few nights ago, and even though I wanted him to solve the problem and make it all better, he refused to do it. Instead he just let it be because he couldn't figure out to solve it. Even then though, it made me feel better.