What makes a man more likely to accept you as trans?

[Torn1990]

Sorry, I'll have to be "heterosexist" here and pose a question that is probably only relevant to the hetero ladies here, not the lesbian ones.

<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
Thank you for recognizing this, i have to say that allows for sooooo much more dialogue if you had said nothing at all.
I am a queer woman but my boyfriend definitely passes socially as a guy, so I know further in my transition I will be read as heterosexual if he
doesn't decide to transition.
And to be honest, i have no idea what. I think alot of hetero men may enjoy the uniqueness of it and want to show interest in the t women of the world which kind  of exotifies our bodies but that's just a problem I would find in it if i had to grasp for one.
Some men are genuinely attracted to us and maybe once they learn we are trans if they are the right kind of guy will dismiss their own masculinity to  allow for a relationship to develop.
Honestly, i don't find this sort of thing common though unless they knew from the beginning we are trans.

[Julie Marie]

What qualities do you think a hetero man need to possess to make him more likely to accept you for being trans?

Growing up and living in a non-transphobic world.

[fionabell]

Some men are genuinely attracted to us and maybe once they learn we are trans if they are the right kind of guy will dismiss their own masculinity to  allow for a relationship to develop.
Honestly, i don't find this sort of thing common though unless they knew from the beginning we are trans.

well they should know from the beginning we are trans. Other wise you're just toying with their emotions.

Bold: Why should they have to dismiss their masculinity? I think i know what you mean but the choice of wording is counter productive. No?

[fionabell]

Growing up and living in a non-transphobic world.

Of course that would help lol.

[Torn1990]

well they should know from the beginning we are trans. Other wise you're just toying with their emotions.

Bold: Why should they have to dismiss their masculinity? I think i know what you mean but the choice of wording is counter productive. No?

What i meant was... say a hetero cis man saw a trans woman at a coffee shop or something and didn't clock them as being trans then asked them out on a date.
Otherwise going stealth on a blind date is dangerous.  I do not think it is a safe idea and that is the only reason why.

I agree with what you said because social hetero masculinity pressures do discourage cis hetero men from being with trans women & that's a social reality which is why it's important to disclose your trans like you mentioned, it's a risk not to.
For a hetero cis man to date a trans woman they have to realize that when they go out with a trans woman and if she isn't passing that day that he will not be read as a cis hetero man, and it takes letting go of some of that masculine social pressure and that privilege that goes along with it to accept that and be proud of who they are with.

[ToriJo]

Bold: Why should they have to dismiss their masculinity? I think i know what you mean but the choice of wording is counter productive. No?

I agree, they don't need to.

But they may need to be willing to not conform to the *stereotype* of masculinity.

If people are trying to make others see them a certain way - such as trying to come across as masculine - then, of course, they will be bothered by anything in their life that may contradict how they want to be seen (kind of like someone trying to live stealth probably won't publicly hang around a lot of people who don't pass, for similar reasons: it makes it harder to pass).  I also think this is the root of a lot of anti-trans violence ("You made me look less stereotypically male to my friends who found out") and anti-gay violence ("I'm trying to act straight, how dare you hit on me, I've worked hard to hide who I am").

Thus, I think it's important to find people who aren't as worried about which stereotypes they conform to or how other people see them.  In other words, strong and confident, but not necessarily in the stereotypical way.  But I think this is important in any relationship - someone who lives their own life is a lot more attractive to me than someone who lives for others' perceptions and stereotypes.

[fionabell]

Thus, I think it's important to find people who aren't as worried about which stereotypes they conform to or how other people see them. 

Yes they have to have reached a point where they don't care what others think. Unfortunately they are usually quite old when they get to that.

Also, as many of us have had to jettison family and friends, they might have to hide us from family etc so there are factors for which they can't be blamed.

A quadriplegic guy contacted me online. He  hasn't been with a girl in over 25 years. He wanted me to visit him(other side of the country) and was saying he loves me. Funny though. When his brother/carer came home he asked me to pretend(on windows chat) that I was gg with no trans references.

Like I'm expected to go and be his carer or something but he's ashamed of me. I thought that was funny. He was sweet though.

[madirocks]

Yes they have to have reached a point where they don't care what others think. Unfortunately they are usually quite old when they get to that.

Also, as many of us have had to jettison family and friends, they might have to hide us from family etc so there are factors for which they can't be blamed.

Those two things are what I worry about the most. I've wanted to marry for a very very long time, and as it is I hope I'm not too late. I don't want to be well past half of my life before I do so. And, transition was put off for such a long time for me because I worried that when I do fall in love, the family of the person I would be interested in would find out. I've had nightmares about this! 

[fionabell]

Those two things are what I worry about the most. I've wanted to marry for a very very long time, and as it is I hope I'm not too late. I don't want to be well past half of my life before I do so. And, transition was put off for such a long time for me because I worried that when I do fall in love, the family of the person I would be interested in would find out. I've had nightmares about this! 

It'll work out ok honey. There's plenty of guys who can manage it.

[MsDazzler]

What i meant was... say a hetero cis man saw a trans woman at a coffee shop or something and didn't clock them as being trans then asked them out on a date.
Otherwise going stealth on a blind date is dangerous.  I do not think it is a safe idea and that is the only reason why.

I am glad to see someone else agreed with me! I had an big debate with Assoluta in Eve's thread about "dating and when to tell" about whether you should be upfront about being trans or not at the beginning of any potential encounter with a man.

Another very important quality I think would be that if the man has already a transgender or crossdressing friend.

I just remembered this because I remember this straight guy contacted me last year from Internet and we slept together upon meeting, (whore, I know!  ) ... then I asked him if he was experienced with TG/TS, and he said he had been always curious about sleeping with one because he had a crossdressing friend but never was attracted to him.

We slept together again last summer and have not seen him ever since.

[Mahsa Tezani]

We slept together again last summer and have not seen him ever since.

I considered adding LADYBOY to my fb profile again.

I wish I could do that instead of going through the dating/screening process with a guy. I also wish I was in SF more.

[AbraCadabra]

I considered adding LADYBOY to my fb profile again.

I wish I could do that instead of going through the dating/screening process with a guy. I also wish I was in SF more.

Too funny, will LADYBOY bring 'em on then?! Like flys attracted to...
How about LADYGRAMS with added orifice for myself :-)
Nah, just kidding.

Guys, most of them, are into 'fresh meat', even the really old ones, so you gotta keep it going as time will fly.

I know,
Axélle

[Sad Girl]

Hi,

I'm a straight trans. Well for me it's BEAUTY, BEAUTY and BEAUTY! If your Beauty is FATAL and overwhelms the average bio woman, you are more likely to overturn all straights BUT a big BUT, they should NOT know at all you are trans. Or 'knowingly' STILL I would opt for PHYSICAL BEAUTY. A super model-looking face and PASSING face. But this too, the chance are minim as soon as they know you are trans.

To what I've learnt it's VERY difficult for a real 'strict straight' (who are most of the time the ones who look the most handsome, very manly and very attractive) continue accepting you once they know you are trans.

The straights who are likely to accept you are the what I call 'Moderate straights', I don't mean that they are ugly, fat etc as you say, but they generally appear 'normal' (neither superhandsome, nor super ugly but fairly good-looking)

And the '->-bleeped-<--->-bleeped-<-s' omg don't talk about them to me, I don't like them at all. In fact me too I get turn off as soon as I know a guy is ->-bleeped-<--->-bleeped-<- looking for ->-bleeped-<- with penis etc and reject them...just like a strict-straight guy turn me down for being trans. Generally you can grasp at a glance one is ->-bleeped-<--->-bleeped-<- by their face, their face look something between gay and straight and have a 'soft face vibe'. You don't feel that 100% 'virility' like the 'strict straights' ones.  I can make VERY RARE EXCEPTION for a ->-bleeped-<--->-bleeped-<- ONLY if he looks super handsome(that too only for sex and not to love) and resembles a straight guy and he must behave with me like he's treating a woman and not a ->-bleeped-<- with penis cos am entirely passive but generally I turn them all down.

But SADLY, you can the most beautiful POST-OP TRANS IN THE WORLD but as soon as a REAL STRAIGHT MAN(STRICT STRAIGHTS) knows you are trans, they will turn you down by experience I've got, SO THE BEST AND ULTIMATE WAY IS JUST BE A VERY BEAUTIFUL PASSABLE BOMBSHELL AND MAINTAIN YOUR MOUTH SHUT, PERIOD!

[pebbles]

Tigger who?

her boyfriend.

[MsDazzler]

I am glad to see someone else agreed with me! I had an big debate with Assoluta in Eve's thread about "dating and when to tell" about whether you should be upfront about being trans or not at the beginning of any potential encounter with a man.

Another very important quality I think would be that if the man has already a transgender or crossdressing friend.

I just remembered this because I remember this straight guy contacted me last year from Internet and we slept together upon meeting, (whore, I know!  ) ... then I asked him if he was experienced with TG/TS, and he said he had been always curious about sleeping with one because he had a crossdressing friend but never was attracted to him.

We slept together again last summer and have not seen him ever since.

this is too weird... out of blue he emailed me last nighta fter I made that post... want to do dinner. heh

Another quality I believe that would make a man more likely to accept you as trans -

If he has no close family or few friends - less poeple to let them know that he is dating a trans

[Keaira]

Tigger is internet impaired right now, but he said to post his response for him:

"I think the most important thing to be accepted a a girl is to be confidant in the girl that you are. You need to Project that you are confidant and secure as the girl you are. Of course appearance is important. Dress like a girl. And be the girl that you are."

[MsDazzler]

Good lord - how could I have forgotten another obvious trait -

IF the man is a closeted CROSSDRESSER or ->-bleeped-<-!

I ve got quite many emails from men on the Internet confessing that they were closeted CDs and wanted "someone" to dress them up or ->-bleeped-<- them while they were dressed. 

[cindianna_jones]

What qualities do you think a hetero man need to possess to make him more likely to accept you for being trans?

I can think of one quality already - If the hetero man is already involved in the LGBT community or hitting the gay bars, that is a good sign that he will be more accepting of you and possibly even interested in you (as you ll hardly have any competition from other ladies in a gay bar, lol).

I can only answer from my personal anecdotal evidence.

1) Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I don't believe this is a significant factor.
2) The man is self assured in his sexuality and gender.
3) The man is open minded about these sorts of issues and has no problem accepting anyone falling into the LGBT box.

Cindi

[Mahsa Tezani]

Good lord - how could I have forgotten another obvious trait -

IF the man is a closeted CROSSDRESSER or ->-bleeped-<-!

I ve got quite many emails from men on the Internet confessing that they were closeted CDs and wanted "someone" to dress them up or <not allowed> them while they were dressed. 

I got a CD as my "stepdaughter" who I want to hook up when he's out of clothes. He's a really femmie straight guy!

[MsDazzler]

good god, really?

MY interest vanishes the moment i find out a man is a CD or transvestive - lol. I've fought hard to obtain the right to wear a bra and panty; I dont need competition from a stranger, lol.

Another quality I also forgot -

DIVORCED and has kids already!!! That way, your inability to have kids is an nonissue, and him being divorced means he is experienced