First of all, thank u so much for your service to our country...Secondly, well I think you're beautiful from your pictures... male or female.
I've never been in the military but I understand you more than probably mostly everyone else. I live as a guy too, my name is James, but I too dream of being a woman inside. I'm looking for other mtf friends too so I'd love to keep in touch with you.
You will find that there are tons of transgender women who because they were trying so hard to be the perfect men they became football players, Marines, bodybuilders, construction guys, etc. That is very common. When I went to a transgender conference once, the former runningback of the University of Florida football team paid for my dinner and when I sat down next to her I was stunned at her glamorous beauty. I couldn't believe she was once a big, tough, manly football player but she was. There are many veterans. My mentor was a Marine drill sergeant during the Vietnam War. So the more transgender ladies you meet, the likelier you'd find lots of former military guys...
The physical transition is very hard, honey. For me, for example, I need to undergo facial feminization surgery because my face just is too masculine. When I have the surgery I think it will be much easier. I look very different in female mode than I do in male mode. It really is, to me at least, an enormous transformation.
I'm scared to even go into Walmart and get makeup but I do it and I get a lot of looks and yes teenage boys do make fun of me. Everywhere I go I can expect to be called a ->-bleeped-<-got or queer for my feminine ways.
It's very difficult, but you already know that. Most important to understand is that you were born like this and there is nothing that anybody can do. You will never ever stop feeling like this if you've felt like this a long time. It does not go away and nor should it because this is who you are. Your brain is female, your face and body are male, masculinized through male puberty with all of the secondary sex characteristics of a man. It was not your doing and you had no control.
I cannot speak really because I am still very afraid. I live in Bumble->-bleeped-<- and the people here are homophobic. I get stuck here. I'm going to have FFS to change my face and then my plan is to transition. I'll use makeup, stay on the estrogen, and hopefully I'll get there. It's going to be hard but I've lived a lot so far and it's been very very painful... there is a lifetime that I have lived terribly unhappy and deeply closeted because I feel like a woman inside and I am a man on the outside. It's a terrible, terrible curse to have befallen upon me... but there are sooo many other women who too feel just like I.
There is a doctor, Dr. Christine McGinn, she is a transgender surgeon... she was in the military too. I'm going to have her do my bottom surgery one day. She flew planes in the Air Force, then she left and is now living as a woman completely. That's just one example but there are so many.
I am here for you if you need me... if you have any questions at all I promise u that i will try my best to answer them.
