How do you tell if you really want to be a girl?

[Annah]

I jumped into boy mode last month to "prove" to my family and non-accepting friends and non-accepting psychologist that I'm "not" transsexual, after being persuaded to do so.

Actually, you "jumped into boy mode" because you "got saved" as a Christian and then proceeded to tell all of us that you'll be praying for us because our paths are leading to hell:

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,113518.msg866101.html#msg866101

If your soul is a girl, then BE A GIRL. DO NOT LET ANYONE PERSUADE  YOU TO DO OTHERWISE,

Interesting statement considering 3 weeks ago you went onto my youtube channel and told me and my friends and family how you were crossdressing to fill a void in your life and since you accepted Jesus you needed to tell all transgender people to repent and come to Him before it's too late.

You went from MTF, to Christian who saw it as a sin to go to MTF, to MTF FTM (without transitioning first), back to MTF all in 18 days.

You can't say that stuff and expect us to forget about it and if I were you, I would make it a job to find a therapist. I'm not saying that to be mean...i really think you would benefit with a general psychiatrist.

[Jamie D]

SNIP

Interesting statement considering 3 weeks ago you went onto my youtube channel and told me and my friends and family how you were crossdressing to fill a void in your life and since you accepted Jesus you needed to tell all transgender people to repent and come to Him before it's too late.

You went from MTF, to Christian who saw it as a sin to go to MTF, to MTF FTM (without transitioning first), back to MTF all in 18 days.

You can't say that stuff and expect us to forget about it and if I were you, I would make it a job to find a therapist. I'm not saying that to be mean...i really think you would benefit with a general psychiatrist.

Sometimes we all experience trouble and confusion.

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

From "The Road Not Taken
by Robert Frost

[Eve of chaos]

I applied at my college (alright) as well as White Castle (I was a vegetarian until early January. At spirit, I still am a sympathetic girl and I REALLY want to be a vegetarian, but how many MEN wimp out on beef?). I was sick of being told I didn't eat "real" food.

OT but...

to me this really isn't a gender thing.
I present as male more often than female in this moment. and before transition when i was male all the time I was and still am a vegan.

if its something you believe in do it for yourself. not for what other people tell you to do.

its not "wimping out" on beef. it actually takes a lot more strength to live that way and to fight the urges.
but to answer that rhetorical question. I know quite a lot of men who wimp put on beef persay.

sorry but. it bothers me that people can think its feminine to be vegetarian/vegan. it really has nothing to do with gender at all.
I hope you can someday see it that way as well.

anyway...back on track...

[Nurse With Wound]

I applied at my college (alright) as well as White Castle (I was a vegetarian until early January. At spirit, I still am a sympathetic girl and I REALLY want to be a vegetarian, but how many MEN wimp out on beef?). I was sick of being told I didn't eat "real" food.

You shouldn't let others bully you into eating something you don't like. I was a vegetarian for a long time but recently in an effort to put on weight (for my boobies) I've added meats back into my diet to give me a bigger range of food. However I still won't eat any red meats because I just don't like the taste. Even as a guy I would never eat things like beef or steak and I never got any jiff for it, at the most people would be like "omg how can you not like steak???". Seriously if you don't want to eat meats you shouldn't be forced into it because it's "wimpy" and people will think badly of you.

If you let people bully you into eating something you don't want to eat because they tell you it's not "real" food, then it follows that you can be bullied into not presenting as your trve gender identity because you won't be a "real woman". I've had that comment particularly from my mum but have I let it stop me? No, because I am just as real of a woman as any other.

[Cadence Jean]

Yeah, they should write their memoirs!  It would be a bestseller.

Quite a journey....

Beverley

[Assoluta]

I think it would be better to reframe the question into "How can I tell if I AM a girl and WANT to transition?".  It used to get me furious when people asked me if I "wanted to be a girl" - implying I am a boy who has a mere 'desire' to be a girl.

[Assoluta]

The problem is that people genuinely do not understand what being trans is like. Lucky them! So they phrase the question as they do.

Beverley

Yes it's true - it's this kind of use of language that perpetuates the misunderstanding - "wanting to be a girl", "changing gender through surgery", "used to be a man" etc... Rephrasing such statements would provide a more accurate portrayal of the truth of the matter.

[V M]

I think it would be better to reframe the question into "How can I tell if I AM a girl and WANT to transition?".  It used to get me furious when people asked me if I "wanted to be a girl" - implying I am a boy who has a mere 'desire' to be a girl.

This has often bothered me as well     I never 'wanted' to be a boy, girl or trans person, I just wanted to be me and as a child actually believed I was a girl and would grow up to be like my mom and sisters   

But then came the fateful day when they pointed out that I was different and was expected to be like my dad    I was heart broken and didn't understand and they couldn't seem to understand why I would think I'm a girl

Now I just wish I would have known it was possible to transition at an earlier age

The problem is that people genuinely do not understand what being trans is like. Lucky them! So they phrase the question as they do.

Beverley

Yes it's true - it's this kind of use of language that perpetuates the misunderstanding - "wanting to be a girl", "changing gender through surgery", "used to be a man" etc... Rephrasing such statements would provide a more accurate portrayal of the truth of the matter.

Both really good points 

[michelle]

I just ask myself"What male in his right mind would want to be a woman, especially when you were born in 1946?"     I have to be a female, who only wants to shed the male shell forced upon her by society.  I can't emote maleness.    Male courtship seems awkward and weird.  Female courtship feels more natural.    Dirty white tee shirt and beer or pretty dress and high heels.   Dirty white tee shirt and a beer or pretty dress and high heels.   Pretty dress and high heels.   The older I get the harder it is for me to make male choices and the more natural female choices are.    Where is my purse and is my lip stick smeared and is there a run in my stocking.   Go girl. 

This is how I know I am a woman and not a man.

[Dana_H]

*snip*

sorry but. it bothers me that people can think its feminine to be vegetarian/vegan. it really has nothing to do with gender at all.
I hope you can someday see it that way as well.

anyway...back on track...

This is the second thread I've seen in the last ten minutes where vegetarianism and/or veganism is associated with gender in some way. I have to concur that I think it is not really a gender thing so much as simply a matter of choice and/or personal ethics; I think I actually know more men than women who eschew meat/dairy.

However (and isn't there always a however)...

I do think that in some cases, an individual preference for/against meat may be connected in part to hormonal balance. One ciswoman friend of mine normally doesn't care much for red meat, but often develops a craving for beef steak cooked rare right around "that time of month". You can almost calibrate your calendar by it.

[Shadowtrail]

Well I saw a therapist today and think it went pretty well. I'll be going back to same one. There's still a lot of tension between my dad and I, but we'll get it worked out eventually. Didn't learn much from the first appointment. It was just to get to know each other better. I do feel better that I went and I'm in a much better mood. I just don't know what to think of all this. One side of me thinks it's gross and disgusting. Partially due to my dad making me feel guilty about it. The other side of me wants to be a girl and says there's nothing wrong with me. I just gotta fight through all of this and with the help of a professional hopefully all will be well.

[Cadence Jean]

Good job!   You took another step on the long hard road to self-discovery.  I wish you the best on it.   It's one helluva ride, but totally worth it!  As for being at odds with yourself, I think I can relate - for the longest time I felt weird, ashamed, guilty.  Eventually I realized that wasn't me, but what society had put into my head.  That nagging little voice is still there - some days loud, some days quiet - but I'm getting pretty good at ignoring it or telling it to shut the ef up so I can go about my business.   Do what is right for you - not what is right for others.  After all, you get to live with yourself - not them - for the rest of your life.

Well I saw a therapist today and think it went pretty well. I'll be going back to same one. There's still a lot of tension between my dad and I, but we'll get it worked out eventually. Didn't learn much from the first appointment. It was just to get to know each other better. I do feel better that I went and I'm in a much better mood. I just don't know what to think of all this. One side of me thinks it's gross and disgusting. Partially due to my dad making me feel guilty about it. The other side of me wants to be a girl and says there's nothing wrong with me. I just gotta fight through all of this and with the help of a professional hopefully all will be well.

[Cadence Jean]

I can agree with you to a certain extent, Assoluta.  It's hard to get someone to sit down and let you explain terminology and semantics with them, unless they do hold a genuine interest in sex and gender and transness.  I guess wanting to be female would be more accurate for myself.  Biologically, my sex is male.  I'm not a biological female and never will be.  I AM a woman, and always have been - well, a girl when I was younger.   I find it easier for me to simply say "I'm becoming a woman" to peeps who are not in the know, rather than give a lecture for ten minutes on the differences between sex and gender.  It's similar to the computer industry - I can explain how a certain computer has multiple cores, X number of FPU's to each core, how many stages the pipeline has, and that means it's fast.  Or I can just say, "It's really fast."  I think it really depends on the audience that you're speaking to.  I'm all for more education in the right setting!

Yes it's true - it's this kind of use of language that perpetuates the misunderstanding - "wanting to be a girl", "changing gender through surgery", "used to be a man" etc... Rephrasing such statements would provide a more accurate portrayal of the truth of the matter.

[noleen111]

I agree - find a reputable therapist, do some soul-searching, and get in some good experimentation.  Try makeup.  Try girl clothes.  Play around with it.  Have fun.  If you like it and it seems like it's for you, go for it.  I took baby-steps -.

Totally agree..

I started out the same way, by experimenting.. it took me years of playing to discover this woman inside of me... Start slow...  I started with pantyhose.. and grew from there, gradually trying different pieces of girls clothes.  I started with pantyhose.. then i wanted to wear panties under my pantyhose.... etc.....

[NikkiJ]

For too long I felt like I had to be struck by lightning to know I was meant to be a girl. I came to realize that is nonsense, you just have to want to be a girl. I blame other TS girls that I met back when I was going to local TG events and getting to know the scene. Those particular folks tried to make it look like they were "chosen". And, I agree, that it chooses you, but these people were a bit much.

[Karii Cloud]

The unfortunate(from a clinical standpoint) thing about humans is that we are all individual. Gender identities, and identities at all would not exist if we were all cookie cutter stamps of each other, so everyone will feel differently about gender role, presentation, and so forth.

I always looked at the physical side of transition as body modification rather than anything else, and wish that the medical community would as well, it would lift the stigma of mental disease from the transgendered community.

Even though I have major issues about the "gatekeepers" to body modification, personally, went the gender therapist route vs. informed consent, because I will be changing my actions, voice, and other things about my life as well as my physical body, and it is what the people prescribing HRT, performing surgery, and the people paying for the Rx want to see.

I am a person that has always seen the wrong body in the mirror. That being said I really feel for the people who want to change physically, but don't have the feeling that it is something that they have "known" from childhood.

I'm not saying it is a great idea for someone to be able to go out and get srs on a whim, but arn't we reinforcing gender stereotypes if we define what it is to "live as a woman" and have a minimum levels of lifestyle before some services can be rendered?

Gender therapy will really help if you are transitioning "mentally" as well, but too many folks just want the physical, and get discouraged by some less progressive GTs, which I think is sad.