this is hard for me

[Elsa.G]

well i suffer from very low self esteem because since i was a little kid i have had a port wine stain, if anyone is not familiar with port wine stains basically they are birth marks which are sort of thickened red/purplish skin. Sadly i have the port wine stain all over my face and i do my best to hide it with make up, its a bit difficult but somehow i manage.  Ive never really talked about this because it's something that is extremely painful to me so i try to just ignore at as best i can. I basically see myself as disfigured even though most people dont even know i have it since i always wear make up to cover it. I have it on my cheeks, chin, mostly sides of my face and even a little bit by my mouth. It kills me to look at myself in the mirror this way, i literally cannot look at my face without make up because i will cry transitioning has amplified this feeling of disgust with myself by the way.  I have had laser treatment's and everything but of course i never manage to keep it away, the most recent attempt with laser's was 2 yrs ago and it was not successful at all they could barely remove a tiny bit. Recently it has gotten worse to the point where it's grown a bit and also become thicker, it also bleeds sometimes to make things worse. I cant find a way out of this hell, i dont know what i really want at the moment i am incredibly depressed and have begun to have second thoughts about transitioning, i know being a woman is what ive always wanted and what i want in life but i dont want to be a disfigured woman--- we all gotta admit that as women looks are somewhat of a big deal. I am at cross roads right now, extremely distressed because of my birth mark and gender and sometimes death seems like the only solution to this nightmare.

[Ultimus]

well i suffer from very low self esteem because since i was a little kid i have had a port wine stain, if anyone is not familiar with port wine stains basically they are birth marks which are sort of thickened red/purplish skin. Sadly i have the port wine stain all over my face and i do my best to hide it with make up, its a bit difficult but somehow i manage.  Ive never really talked about this because it's something that is extremely painful to me so i try to just ignore at as best i can. I basically see myself as disfigured even though most people dont even know i have it since i always wear make up to cover it. I have it on my cheeks, chin, mostly sides of my face and even a little bit by my mouth. It kills me to look at myself in the mirror this way, i literally cannot look at my face without make up because i will cry transitioning has amplified this feeling of disgust with myself by the way.  I have had laser treatment's and everything but of course i never manage to keep it away, the most recent attempt with laser's was 2 yrs ago and it was not successful at all they could barely remove a tiny bit. Recently it has gotten worse to the point where it's grown a bit and also become thicker, it also bleeds sometimes to make things worse. I cant find a way out of this hell, i dont know what i really want at the moment i am incredibly depressed and have begun to have second thoughts about transitioning, i know being a woman is what ive always wanted and what i want in life but i dont want to be a disfigured woman--- we all gotta admit that as women looks are somewhat of a big deal. I am at cross roads right now, extremely distressed because of my birth mark and gender and sometimes death seems like the only solution to this nightmare.

The problem is you're focusing on the things in life that don't really matter. When I was a kid I had hopes and dreams. We all did. But over time, the daily grind gets in the way and you miss the things that really matter, even though they are right in front of you, staring you in the face. I think the next time you should ask yourself "Am I on the right track here?". I don't mean to be rude but there are some people in this world that I truly pity. If only some people would have studied just a little bit harder while in school, then they wouldn't be blinded by these fallacies that have cast a cloud over their judgment. I once knew a girl like you who had everything she could ever want but in the end it meant nothing, because she never knew her true place in the grand scheme of things. I'm not trying to tell you how to live your life but, honestly I think it's time you  looked life square in the eyes. So maybe you could use your head and take advantage of the knowledge I have given you now. Good luck.

[Jenny_B_Good]

we all gotta admit that as women looks are somewhat of a big deal....

errrr, actually, we don't. Some guys like fat chicks, some like smart ones, some women like them too.
Elsa, the fact that you are talking about this, as difficult as I see this is for you, you are becoming stroneger. Each time you reflect on this you'll imagine the fear sloping away from you.

Your as beautiful as you choose. So go ahead, it's your choice!

[Bexi]

errrr, actually, we don't. Some guys like fat chicks, some like smart ones, some women like them too.
Elsa, the fact that you are talking about this ... you are becoming stronger. Each time you reflect on this you'll imagine the fear sloping away from you.

Your as beautiful as you choose. So go ahead, it's your choice!

Totally agree. None of us can affect how you feel about it - trust me, no matter how many times people tell you that it isnt bad, isnt visible, doesn't detract from your beauty the worst critic will always be yourself. From your photos, you seriously 100% cannot tell that you have a portwine stain, you can't even guess at it - it simply isnt there But if concealing it makes you happy then i'd keep on with doing what you're doing. God knows I do the same with my scar lol! Its just a fact of life that -unfortunetly- we'll have to accept. Well until surgeons and doctors get the finger out and invent friggin' awesome new plastic surgery skills lmao! BUT don't ever let it define who you are - be the person you are inside and people won't give two hoots about the birthmark.

As for treatment, i'm not a person to ask. I use bio oil on my face and thats helped a lot. Maybe it'll help with you? But tbh someone more qualified than me can help you there!

But dont get down about it. Everyone has their slight imperfections. Everyone used to be horrified at moles until Cindy Crawford rocked that thing! Who wants to look flawless? Imperfections add character to our faces

x

[Gauge]

Hang in there girl. Everything you are feeling is natural the depression to the transition amplifying it. I know things can get very low, but you want to live and be happy. Take the time to look at everything you can for your port wine stain new treatment methods. One option they may help you is this doctor.
His name is Dr. Persky he is awesome with lasers and may either be of help or could point you in the right direction.  Another place to check with is the teaching hospitals for the latest treatments or info on.

http://www.drpersky.com/