do you really pass.

[Natkat]

I just wondered this for a short second. when people pass, but look younger than what they actually are do they so still pass?

I dont mean if your 19 and people think your 16,
but if your 35 year old man and people belive your 16 year old laid, or if your 28 and people belive your a boy at 13,
do you then really pass or not?

- opinion?

[caseyyy]

Depends what you mean by pass. If we're speaking strictly in terms of gender, yes. But I only ever pass when people think I'm a 12 year old boy. And to be honest, it doesn't feel very good. I used to think "as long as they think I'm a guy" but now that it has happened a few times...it's not nice when you're relatively mature and people think you're 12. A 12 year old boy just isn't in the same mental place as I am, so in a sense, while I pass for the correct sex, I don't pass for my "true self." if that makes sense.

I think it's different for everyone though.

[Natkat]

Depends what you mean by pass. If we're speaking strictly in terms of gender, yes. But I only ever pass when people think I'm a 12 year old boy. And to be honest, it doesn't feel very good. I used to think "as long as they think I'm a guy" but now that it has happened a few times...it's not nice when you're relatively mature and people think you're 12. A 12 year old boy just isn't in the same mental place as I am, so in a sense, while I pass for the correct sex, I don't pass for my "true self." if that makes sense.

I think it's different for everyone though.

I understand that, I also used to be cointed for being younger what I am, but im also relative young and its not much age diffrence so it dosent matter that much.

but I remember when I where younger being 15 and being mistaked for someone at 13 was pretty annoying at times..

[supremecatoverlord]

For me, passing that young from your age is almost deceptive, especially if you're pre-t. If I was in a scenario where I was 35, but only passed as around 18, I would feel as if I wasn't actually passing but then again that's just me. I only say this because there's a certain age when looking younger is desirable and actually what most people aim for, but I can certainly see very little reason as to why as testosterone fueled male would still look so young at age 35. It just seems like a really unusual circumstance to me.

[Adio]

Yeah, if people see you as a guy, then you're passing, period.

Looking your age is a different subject.

I agree with this.  I look a few years younger than I am, but so does my mom, grandma, aunts, uncles, etc.  Many cis people look younger than they are (though usually not too much younger).

[tvc15]

Cis people run into this problem too. My dad, his brothers, and my brothers all can pass for much younger than they really are. People think my dad is our brother when we're all out together. When he tells them his real age, they're shocked. Granted, he could never pass for 13, but people tend to think he's in his mid-twenties when he's really almost 50. This is not an exclusively trans male problem.

T helps though. People don't act shocked when I tell them I'm 19 anymore, although I personally feel I still look at most 15. Honestly, it could have been worse for me. There's a much smaller difference between 19 and 13 versus 35 and 13. It did feel deceptive when I passed for a younger guy but 13 wasn't that long ago for me, so ultimately it's not a big deal. I can't imagine how tough it is for people who transition later in life.

As far as automatically getting the kid's discounts on movies and the like, I really don't see a problem with that. You deal with the ticket person for all of 30 seconds, and you get to pay cheaper rates, so why not enjoy that while it lasts?

[Henri]

Hmm, in my opinion I agree with the others in that if you pass as the target gender you are presenting as then that definitely counts. The age thing does factor into it for me, though. If there were certain "levels" of passing, if you will, I would say that someone passing gender-wise but not age-wise is not really passing 100%. I think in the earlier stages of transition it is within reason to have the first part as the main goal. But if there is a huge gap between your actual age and the age you pass as, I would think that would be a problem and indicate you aren't really passing fully. There's nothing really "wrong" with not passing for your actual age, but I think of passing as a process just as transitioning in general is, and it takes time to get there.

For instance, right now I pass as a male, but not as a male of my actual age. To me, that means I am not passing 100%. It becomes very awkward in situations where people believe my younger brother is older than me, etc. Socially I am placed in a category that I don't really belong in due to people perceiving me as the wrong age.

[Sindo]

At the moment I don't pass at all. That being said, I'll be 40 in about 2 weeks and people consistently think I'm in my early 20's and are very, very surprised to learn how old I actually am. It's part genetics, part the whole goth thing and avoiding the sun as much as humanly possible, and then there's the way I dress. I'll be happy to pass as male, and really don't care how old people think I am, because I'm already used to people thinking I'm considerably younger than I am.

[wheat thins are delicious]

I agree with this.  I look a few years younger than I am, but so does my mom, grandma, aunts, uncles, etc.  Many cis people look younger than they are (though usually not too much younger).

This.

Being read as the gender you are trying to be read as = passing, in my book.

[Nero]

Well, I'm in my early 30s and people still have to ask if I'm a minor. The general assumption is I'm in high school. Yes, it's annoying but I wouldn't say it means I don't pass (I can grow a full beard after all). I'd say it means I look exactly like what I am - a guy who isn't completely through puberty. I can't expect to look like a 30 something man when I'm way behind puberty-wise. I may never catch up to my age, but that doesn't mean I'm not passing as a guy because I clearly am.

Now a few years ago when I was passing for like a 12 year old boy - then I would say maybe I wasn't completely passing. That was kind of embarrassing in airports where kindly strangers would want to make sure I had a place to stay at my destination.

But I looked young for my age before transition as well. And I wouldn't say I 'wasn't passing' as a female when people thought I was a decade younger back then either.

[Devin87]

I used to get stuff like that when presenting female, too.  When I was like 23 and over a year out of college I went to the store in the middle of the day and lady started yelling at me demanding to know why I wasn't in school.  I just looked at her and said "because I graduated COLLEGE over a year ago".  She looked all embarrassed and checked me out as quick as she good.  My little sister gets the same thing.  She was 20 and went to buy a lottery ticket and the guy was like "you have to be 18 to buy that" and she said she was 20 and he looked at our youngest sister (six years younger than her) and said "then why's SHE wearing a middle school sweater?".  He thought they were twins.  Her first day of college she was also sitting around the dorms waiting for everyone to show up and her new housemates came and asked her "and who's little sister are you?" in a coddling-type voice.

My dad also used to get stuff like that, especially over the phone.  He'd answer and people would ask him if his mommy was home.  So I'm not expecting much in terms of voice deepening once on T....

[Kyle_S]

I pass, but I feel once they learn how old I am as compared to what they thought, that they make me female in their minds. A 22 year old man wouldn't look 12 under normal circumstances :/

[poptart]

In that situation you pass as your gender but not as yourself.

[harlee]

Im under 18 so I can still get away with the puberty excuse for now People are usually suprised to hear my real age, but I think "girl" dosent even cross thier mind.. at least I hope not!