Transition Checklist: How to stay focused and keep on believing you can do it!!!

[sysm29]

I want to rush right through it and i know i can't.  There are steps I need to take and i have to be this guy quite a bit longer until I can get to them so that I can be a woman one day, so here they are:

1. FFS- I decided a long time ago I wanted it, it was right for me, and that it was necessary to pass, and I know I'm right.  So I'm doing it, later this month.  I have no idea if its going to work out.  I know that it will be an endurance to behold and that I will be in a rough place for some time afterwards.  It takes a year to completely see the results of it, which gives me time.  I have a feeling that I might not be happy with it but obviously I'll hope for the best but surgeons are not perfect and in many cases, the results are not as good as they need to be.  Will this be something I'm elated with or something I'm sorta, "Okay i guess I can live with this"... The important thing here is to give this time since FFS is not overnight contrary to what it might seem- its a one day surgery but a one-year process.

2. Facial Hair- The immediate step once I can do it after the FFS.  Now looking back i had like what? 8 years to do this and now I feel so stupid because this should have been first... but my journey has been filled with a lot of potholes and I've gotten stuck along the way.  The facial hair can be done locally but it will take a long time.  There is a lot of it and its everywhere- on my forehead, on my cheeks, all over my brow ridge, and especially around the lips, chin, jaw, and neck.  It will all have to go and that I'm predicting will take a full year to really get it off.  The good news is that I have jet black hair and pale white skin which makes me a good candidate for laser.  The bad news of course is that it takes forever and Ill be stuck in this weird place for the rest of the year until we can get the damn ->-bleeped-<- off.

3.  Hair transplant surgery- This really should be #2...it doesnt matter though.  This is a problem that snuck up on me and I didn't see it when I was young - in my early 20s.  I'm using the Rogaine foam which I think is starting a regrowth and hopefully we stopped it before it got really bad, but I still think I'm going to ultimately need the hair transplants.  My FFS surgeon will be doing hairline and forehead work on me so that area will be changed, but the hair itself is going to be a lot of work.  I have very thick hair so there's a lot of donor hair for the surgeon to use.  I don't think this should be that hard... hopefully this works out pretty well so I'll have for the first time in the entire transition: a fully growing female hairline... which will be a major achievement.

4. Pre-GRS, genital area hair- Once we begin working on the face, I'm going to have the genital area done.  I'm planning on making as many trips as possible up to Boston to a woman that does laser on the organs - the testicles, the penis, the scrotum, the pubic hair around it.  It will probably be the most uncomfortable part of the whole transition but its necessary to have the gender reassignment surgery which I want DESPERATELY so I will suck it up and get through it all.  This can be done as I'm doing the face.

4. Hair, hair, hair, laser, laser laser- Once the face and neck is done, then we have the rest of this tall body.  I guess the next area would be the arms, the chest, and the shoulders and the reason I think in that order because thats what people will see.  I can always wear pants until the legs are ready to be seen by the public.  Then we go down from there- the back, the tummy, the abdomen, the bellybutton area, then there's the legs and my feet.  I've also got hair on my hands and fingers.  Like i said its everywhere.  This means a long, long laser process- for which I'll need to spend lots of money, but its required.

5. the Hair on my head- Once the hairline is good to go, I'll begin work on my hair - ill let it grow, I'm going to want to dye it from black to brown, i'll dye or tint my eyebrows, I'll have to maintain that, and then I'll get hair extensions to match the brown in my hair.  I don't know how fast my hair will grow by Christmastime but I imagine it would then be the longest I've ever had it in my life, so even that will be a milestone... its funny because as a guy i was not one of those guys that looked good with long hair, my jaw and chin were so long that the long hair looked terrible... this is why I need the FFS to look right so I can even have the long hair.

6. Can I begin living as a woman yet?  This could happen no sooner than maybe September and it will probably happen next year, in 2013.  After steps 1-5 are done I will reassess the situation and say, Can I go full-time now?  I'll have spent all of 2012 laying a foundation for this real life experience which will be extremely liberating.  Of course now there's a whole new world of work to do: changing your name, legal identity, paperwork, all of the IDs, getting a new debit card, getting a credit card, a drivers license, a birth certificate, Social SEcurity card. 

7. GRS- This will be the final step in the transition and its something I've wanted for a very, very, VERY long time, and this surgery should be a million times easier than the FFS was.  From what people tell me, this doesn't hurt that much and you heal pretty quickly.  This will be the reward for the hellish agony of having the genital hair shaved and lasered off since once thats all gone, they can create a hairless vagina which will feel amazing and look amazing. 

8. A New Life...

[Maja.V]

While most of your plan seems valid, you forgot to add one of the most important aspects all or us have to work hard on: voice. If you don't already have a feminine voice, no plastic surgery will help you pass without it.

I'd also add in "learning the female ways of presentation" - gestures, way of talking, body stances and poses, etc. Those aren't as difficult, though.

[Stephe]

Everyone is different.

Here was my checklist:

1. Got together a wardrobe of clothes that look attractive on me. Along with some accessories, purses, shoes, jewelry etc. This is NOT a cheap proposition. You will spend a lot for clothes you think might look good but then you figure out they don't. I had some very honest friends I would model for and they were a huge help. It's hard sometimes to judge for yourself. I highly suggest starting at a thrift store or big discount sale items at least till you figure out your style. I also started to incorporate some of these into my daily wear for a fairly andro appearance.

2. For me my natural hair was -all- gone many years ago so the only realistic solution was a wig. I went to a wig salon with same friends and tried on a zillion styles before I got my first. I've changed styles 2 times since then but am happy now. Very comfortable, not hot etc. I have no issues now with this at all. Of course I would rather have pretty natural hair but that was not an option for me.

3. Learned to do decent makeup and found a bra/form that fit my statue so my body at least resembled a females. Figured one day I would either grow some or get a BA or both.

4. Started living full time i.e a new life  . I just decided I had enough of living as a man and after a few weeks of part time going out as a woman, just started doing it all the time. Really had no huge issues considering I was basically pre-everything. I also got my name changed very soon after this. Living full time with male name ID isn't a good plan lol. If I did this over I would have started the name change before I went full time.

5. 2 years later started HRT.

6. 6 months after that got nose job to fem up my face.

7. Started voice lessons 1 month after nose job. The biggest mistake I made was I should have dealt with my voice as one of the first things. I notice on your timeline you don't have voice even mentioned. It's a big mistake most people make in their transition plans. IMHO it should be the first thing you have on a transition list as it takes a long time to perfect.

7. 1 year after hrt (only AA, had issues with estrogen I'm still working to resolve) 90% of body hair gave it up. Some light laser treatments killed rest of back hair, shave legs (which most women do) and a bi weekly shave of other parts keeps that in check. for arm hair just a "hair trimmer" set to lowest setting works fine.

8. Even with my limited HRT, boobs are filling in and about 1/2 of what I hope/planned to have for my body type. Skin looks nice etc.

9. Going to have some laser facial hair work done and then maybe try electrolysis again. Then again after a morning shave and light makeup, I have zero beard shadow so might not.

10. GRS? Not sure I might consider it at some point or at least a orchi to avoid the AA meds. Not a huge priority for me. My goal was to live and be treated as a woman and I've been doing that for several years now.


As far as regrets. I should have started my voice training as the first step and started the name change months before I went full time. Otherwise I wouldn't do anything different. By the time I started HRT etc I KNEW what living as a woman was like and knew I was really happy.


As far as my take on your list which I suppose was the reason you posted it:

First step should be start working on your voice.

FFS, I have no idea what you look like so not sure what you do or don't need. I'd suggest as little as you can get away with but that's your choice to make. IMHO things beyond basic nose/chin shape have a very limited return vs cost/recover/risk. I can say most cheek implants and lip enlargements don't look attractive to me. There are plenty of thin lipped narrow cheek women in the world who are still attractive.

Facial hair, if you have dark hair/white skin you're right that this is a must by whatever means needed.

Hair transplant, if you can get a natural head of hair doing this that in the end will look good, go for it.

Genital hair, that again is up to you..

Body hair. I would NOT bother with this until you are sure HRT isn't going to take care of it. For some people it can take 2-3 years but finally does. It's simple enough to shave/trim area's until HRT does it's thing. Women do not have hairless bodies, like they have to shave their legs and arm pits etc.

On the hair on your head, I've heard bad results from most extensions and how long they last etc. Doesn't sound much better than a wig to me, YMMV.

On if you can live full time at this point, I did it before anything on your list so.. that again is up to you.


Hope this helps!

 

[JoanneB]

I like Stephe's approach since it matches my philosophy. FFS and BA will not magically allow you pass as a female. Learning how to dress, act, and speak as one takes lots of time and money. Just learning what your style is, what really looks best on you, just as a start, takes time and money. Even if you shop in thrift stores. You might not leave the house dressed but you will see just how different clothes can affect your appearance and presentation. Makeup to me is an essential part of dressing. They are complimentary. Mastering makeup skills takes time. Mastering what really works for your face and skin tone even longer. Much like with clothing knowing what colors goes with what vs what really works for your body.

Dress is the one big gender clue. Voice is the other. A great chasm exists between husky sultry and male. Developing a kind of sort of works voice takes lots of time and practice.

IMHO, if you are not on HT for at least 2 years you are rushing into surgery provided there are reasons you cannot be on HT. Changes do occur subtly over time. I cannot believe the difference in my appearance before and after.

It may have been an oversight but on no ones list is therapy! While all the above can be accomplished without it, I doubt you'll have luck with surgeons. Clearance letters are likely needed just for CYA purposes. Having thought about it for 8 years and now in a super rush sends up all sorts of red flags. Much of your plan, to me, is so out of sequence.I think you will have a difficult time finding any professional agreeing that rushing head long into transition is the way to go. Even if suicide is the only viable alternative, transitioning Successfully, even on a part time basis, is a long and very emotional process. Adding Estrogen and T blockers is like tossing dynamite into a fire!

My life is riddled with pot holes the size of which have not been seen since the leveling of Berlin. I have tried ages ago to transition, at least part time. I eventually went with being "normal" because the alternative of a continuation of a life filled with teases, taunts and being the brunt of jokes was not worth it. I built a massive wall between my two selves practically denying the others existence. For two years now I've been trying to become just one person, not even caring ultimately who. I have a life time dream and life filled with fantasies of what should be. I lived a life filled with amazing personal accomplishments I could never be proud of since I was a fake. Reunification has been a slow and painful pothole filled process in and of itself. Yet now I am living part time as a female and most important of all feel that I am worthy of the joy and accomplishments I achieved and will continue to obtain.

BTW - of all the things on your list, I've done none of them. All 6', big boned, deep voiced radio announcer, tree frog hands and super extra large feet, friar Tuck me.

[sysm29]

While most of your plan seems valid, you forgot to add one of the most important aspects all or us have to work hard on: voice. If you don't already have a feminine voice, no plastic surgery will help you pass without it.

I'd also add in "learning the female ways of presentation" - gestures, way of talking, body stances and poses, etc. Those aren't as difficult, though.

lol.  I may not look like a woman yet but I can't pass as a man on the phone.  When I say, James, they ask, Jane?

[sysm29]

It's amazing how many of you said voice.  I forget sometimes that voice is even a concern.  I dunno, I've never ever had a problem with my voice... its always been so girly and high.  I guess yeah tho thinking about it that voice and mannerisms would be issues but for me, I think im very feminine already as a guy.  im not str8.... i mean people think im gay which has made things hard for me becuase of the homophobia out there.  ive never ever blended into society as a man really anyway, so I think for me, for someone that is fortunate to afford FFS, that the FFS is my main problem.... at least right now.

I'm not as pretty as some of you are, even though I have the girly voice and mannerisms.  That's just the way things are.  We all have our own strengths and weaknesses.  None of us go into this with all strengths unless we never had to go through male puberty to begin with.

I'm not so sure that makeup is as important as we think it is.  I always felt that skincare and the quality and condition and the femaleness of your skin was so much more important than slathering on a bunch of makeup because when I did that before, it didn't make me look any better.  It made me look like a really obvious drag queen.  My dream is that one day I'll have a nice complexion, thanks to plastic surgery and anti-aging procedures, a nice tan, and I can walk out with just eyeliner and go out into the world.  I think though for me having a female facial bone structure and face shape is more important than any makeup, which is why I'm doing this now...

[Stephe]

  My dream is that one day I'll have a nice complexion, thanks to plastic surgery and anti-aging procedures, a nice tan, and I can walk out with just eyeliner and go out into the world.  I think though for me having a female facial bone structure and face shape is more important than any makeup, which is why I'm doing this now...

Good luck with your plan. I'm not sure though why you posted it? I seriously do hope it works out for you but if you are as girly as you claim, you should already be able to live full time with ease.