Question to late transitioners, fathers from families - Do you regret waiting?

[Medusa]

Hi,
I want to ask you late transitioners who have families and children and wait till they grow up to become yourself.
Do you regret that you wait so long? And if you can change it, do you?

[Maegan]

I do regret waiting so long. I would have (should have) started many many years ago before I got married and had children. Marriage, as many have discovered, does not make the woman inside go away. Having been married and divorced only caused a lot of hurt to my ex wife because, firstly, I never told her about my feelings and secondly she said that she felt cheated when I eventually told her.

If I could start over, I would have started transitioning while still in my mother's womb.

Huggs

Maegan

[Medusa]

I ask because I discover that wife and children just make my disorder stronger
And I suffer by inner split, I don't want to leave them but I feel that I'm loosing last possibility to be me

[justmeinoz]

If I had realised where the the problem really lay I would have at least done some research on my options.  As it was I didn't until I was in my 50's, but I have no regrets.  We have to live in the world that exists here and now.

Karen.

[Naturally Blonde]

Here's the flip side! I never married because I knew I was trans but also regret not being able to have offspring. I am envious of people who have families, especially at Christmas and wished I was able to have kids but it wasn't to be. 

[Randi]

I'm 62 years old.  I'm very content with my life.  I've been married 30 years.  I have a beautiful, talented 24 year old daughter who is now in grad school.

In many ways watching her grow up has been a good substitute for the girlhood I'll never have.  We decided to have a child in November and she was born the following October, so I'm very glad my man bits worked for that.

Soon I'll retire with a good secure income for life.   In recent years I've proven to my wife that I can satisfy her sexually without using my penis.  She's a registered nurse, and if I ever have SRS, she would help with my recovery and aftercare.

All these years while my body was not female, my wife was kind enough to lend me her body to love and caress.  Sleeping next to a voluptuous woman every night for 30 years is not a bad thing.  Do I envy her?  Sure!  She can have 4-6 orgasms to my one.  I think one of the reasons I can please a woman sexually is because, in my heart, I am one. 

I won't have SRS without her consent.  My penis is her property and I won't have it converted until she is ready for that.

No, I don't regret anything about my life.  If I had transitioned 30 or 35 years ago my life wouldn't have been nearly so good.  I would have been an outcast and an oddity.

Randi

Hi,
I want to ask you late transitioners who have families and children and wait till they grow up to become yourself.
Do you regret that you wait so long? And if you can change it, do you?

[luna nyan]

I am approaching the midlife crisis age so I'm not quite in the age group you're asking about.
In my late 20s I attempted to seriously address my GID (had about a year in therapy) and then made the decision along with my therapist to stay male, and lead the path mostly travelled (marriage, mortgage, kids etc).

Ten years later I'm now questioning that decision - I had a screwy childhood, and don't want to wish that on my kids, but the noise in the back of my head is now affecting my ability to be all that I should be for them.  My intention is to do all I can to avoid transition - I'm on low HRT to try and calm things down.  I don't think I'm going to regret delaying things - I always had the thought in the back of my mind late 20s transition and no kids, or desperation late 40s transition with kids/marriage (that being the absolute worst case scenario I thought of).   I'm sort of rambling here but I hope that sort of makes sense.

I've tried to live vicariously through my wife's life experiences, but I did find that made the GID worse.

[Chloe]

Do you regret that you wait so long? And if you can change it, do you?

No regrets, every situation is different but on hindsight, having not been easy or cheap, there are certain things i definitely would have done differently. I have my house, pay no alimony, have actual custody of my kids but still pay her "child support", which is totally UNFAIR. Wait 'till they're older, 12 and 14, able to decide for themselves, 'cause one must always strike a fine balance between your "needs" and theirs !

Marriage is very passe', nobody except "gays & lesbians" are doing it anymore, and with a non-existent "sex life" the better parent can eventually prevail ! America is currently going thru a cultural revolution, better that than WorldWar III, and hopefully many bad attitudes and laws will finally be changing for the better !

[Jeneva]

If I had realised where the the problem really lay I would have at least done some research on my options.

I knew and told early, but was threatened and told hateful lies.  Those lies were repeated so much that it wasn't until my mid-thirties that I finally decided to look for the truth.  Below is a snippet from my intro post

I let the fear and ignorance of my backwater ultraconservative, ultrareligious rural community blind me.  I honestly believed the ugly hairy men in dresses stereotypes, but it had started to hurt so much that I didn't care anymore.  I'd been questioning if becoming a monstrous ->-bleeped-<- freak wasn't worse than not being at all.  But then I actually opened my eyes and looked around on the web and saw what ugly lies I'd been fed.

We have to live in the world that exists here and now.

I certainly regret all the pain I've caused people and even the time I lost as my true self, but it does no good to dwell on it.  What is done is done.  There is no use crying over spilled milk (even though I am).  Just as Karen said earlier, we have to start from here and now.  I am incredibly grateful for our children.  My wife has been a blessing that I could never deserve and our relationship has grown even more meaningful to me. 

I would not wish them away, but I desperately hope for a more accepting society so that the youth of today ARE heard and given the help that they need to understand who they are and what options they have.

[spacial]

I ask because I discover that wife and children just make my disorder stronger
And I suffer by inner split, I don't want to leave them but I feel that I'm loosing last possibility to be me

Like others have suggested, my wife is more important than I am.

Regretting the past is silly. It is what it is. But I will suggest, you get your own feelings under some sort of control, before you make any decisions. By the sound of it, where you are right now isn't the time to start changing anything.

[Cyndigurl45]

Woulda, Shoulda, Coulda and all the what ifs aside had I known what I know today yes I woulda done things different but no I have no regrets, I have 4 children and 8 grandchildren although I don't see them I have no regrets.