Both of my "best friends" were using me?

[MrTesto]

@Epi- re "gray area" - Totally. I was just trying to imagine a way to address this side of things in light of the overshadowing (and overwhelming) emotional aspects. If the OP is in distress being in her presence, and his suicidality is being triggered, even a mild mention of the owed money could feel like a massive confrontation.

I listed the money as the second thing, because, really, we have a guy here who is having a really hard time in a more serious way. OP, I hope things are going better for you today.

[Epi]

@Epi:  I see what you're saying.  That makes sense.  I guess we don't know enough about his individual situation to really give much solid advice on that front.  I still think he needs to figure out exactly what he wants or needs here.  A romantic relationship with this girl is clearly not happening, and I think that needs to be dealt with before continuing as friends.  By dealt with I mean realize that it's just not going to happen.

In a legal mindset the only relevant relationship is the business one they have.  A contract is a good thing for both parties, or with another music instructor if he chooses to go elsewhere.  Friends scratch friends backs, that's one of the nice things about having good friends but when it comes down to a business relationship involving money even if it's your friend, they're not acting in that capacity when rendering services or goods. 

Hypothetically, when he overpaid her and if she said "oh, I don't have exact change" his possible response of "that's okay" could imply that's okay until our next session or that's okay indefinitely, but if not specified, assume the latter.  Or she could have assumed it was a tip if nothing was said.

@Epi- re "gray area" - Totally. I was just trying to imagine a way to address this side of things in light of the overshadowing (and overwhelming) emotional aspects. If the OP is in distress being in her presence, and his suicidality is being triggered, even a mild mention of the owed money could feel like a massive confrontation.

I listed the money as the second thing, because, really, we have a guy here who is having a really hard time in a more serious way. OP, I hope things are going better for you today.

Then the OP really should ask himself how much do I really care about the money?  Is the money worth the stress?  Sometimes taking your business elsewhere says more than words ever could.

[Cody Jensen]

Hypothetically, when he overpaid her and if she said "oh, I don't have exact change" his possible response of "that's okay" could imply that's okay until our next session or that's okay indefinitely, but if not specified, assume the latter.  Or she could have assumed it was a tip if nothing was said.

this is exactly what she said to me. the "oh i don't have change". but actually i didn't want this to turn into a legal argument guys, and actually, i don't care so much about the money, more the fact that she was using me for it, that kind of hurt. and by script i meant more what to say to her about the relationship and not the change she owes me (which i actually don't remember the exact amount, only that it was $2 or $3, but she's done that more than once so really it was like $8 or something). yes, i'd very much like to keep her as a friend, however i'm aware that you can't "force" people to be your friend.

[Cody Jensen]

The tap dancing dream was only a dream i could pursue if i really do decide to transition. And often, i wonder what our relationship would be if we weren't student teacher. Now I'm starting to think "did i mess up? did i say or do something that caused her to feel this way about me?" which is never the case  for me, but it trips me up by thinking like that.

[Epi]

this is exactly what she said to me. the "oh i don't have change". but actually i didn't want this to turn into a legal argument guys, and actually, i don't care so much about the money, more the fact that she was using me for it, that kind of hurt. and by script i meant more what to say to her about the relationship and not the change she owes me (which i actually don't remember the exact amount, only that it was $2 or $3, but she's done that more than once so really it was like $8 or something). yes, i'd very much like to keep her as a friend, however i'm aware that you can't "force" people to be your friend.

It's really not a matter of forcing people to be your friend, it's a matter of if they're deserving of your friendship.  Don't undervalue or sell yourself short.

Knowing who to place your trust in or when to walk away from a toxic relationship is not something we're born with, it's learned.  When you were young your parents would keep an eye on you when you played out in the yard, they would make sure you didn't fall and get hurt but they'd also make sure that a stranger didn't approach you.  As we get older we take on that role as not only our own protector but a protector of our children too.  You're not doing anything wrong, you've just found an individual who has no problem taking advantage of others kindness or generosity.  There's people like that everywhere, but as I said, we're not born with the ability to identify people like this, we learn how to see through their facade.

The tap dancing dream was only a dream i could pursue if i really do decide to transition. And often, i wonder what our relationship would be if we weren't student teacher. Now I'm starting to think "did i mess up? did i say or do something that caused her to feel this way about me?" which is never the case  for me, but it trips me up by thinking like that.

You're human, but instead of asking "did I mess up?" better yet ask yourself "what do I want for myself in life free of her or anyone else?

Don't put all your eggs in one basket.  In fact, if I were you I'd go get my eggs back and sit on them for awhile until someone who appreciates them comes along.

[Cody Jensen]

Don't put all your eggs in one basket.  In fact, if I were you I'd go get my eggs back and sit on them for awhile until someone who appreciates them comes along.

Not 100% sure if i understand this metaphor lol

Gaaaah it's been killing me for the past month. I hate feeling alone   

[King Malachite]

Not 100% sure if i understand this metaphor lol

Gaaaah it's been killing me for the past month. I hate feeling alone   

What I think he means is don't put all your focus into her because if shes not interested in treating you like a friend then someone else will be.

I know the alone feeling Cody.  I'm going through it too as well.  Hang in there.

[wheat thins are delicious]

That relationship sounds toxic to me.  If she doesn't talk to you except at lessons, that sounds like your relationship is now a business one and not one of friendship.  If she is taking advantage of you financially, that's unethical of her, and I would tell her to give me the money she owed me and cut off contact after.  There is no reason to stay in this relationship and I don't know why you want to stay "friends" with her, unless there is some underlying reason that you haven't mentioned here.

If you insist on staying in this relationship, take exact change to the lessons.

[Cody Jensen]

@Malachite ah now i got it. ya i know for sure now that I'm sick of being alone.

@Andy idk why I'm sticking around either. maybe somewhere in my thick head I'm subconsciously thinking somehow i can win her heart or we can at least actually be friends, and that if she leaves then ill truly be completely alone, and i can't stand being alone any longer... being alone seems to be doing bad things to my head

[Felix]

I just remembered this is the girl you had a crush on. The girl you work closely with but can't have because she doesn't reciprocate your positive regard. I'd politely back out and stay away from her if I were you.

[King Malachite]

@Malachite ah now i got it. ya i know for sure now that I'm sick of being alone.

@Andy idk why I'm sticking around either. maybe somewhere in my thick head I'm subconsciously thinking somehow i can win her heart or we can at least actually be friends, and that if she leaves then ill truly be completely alone, and i can't stand being alone any longer... being alone seems to be doing bad things to my head

Cody I know it seems like being alone is the worse thing but trust me when I say this you would rather be alone than with people who use you.  Let me put it into perspective:

In middle school I didn't have many friends and I was extremely alone even more so back then. I was SO alone that I intentially called the automatic weatherman almost everyday AND I would INTENTIALLY dial wrong phone numbers at night just so I could talk to someone even if the convo was only "sorry wrong phone number."  Needless to say I cherished ANY friend that I had in school.  One girl in particular kind of left me to the side in order to be with the more popular people but I still hung on.  Then out of no where she would get angry and wouldn't speak to me for no reason no matter how hard I tried to ask her what was wrong (another friend of mine did this to me).  To top it off this friend knew I had a crush on her and another girl and they both went on a Church trip with me and we stayed in the same room and they wind up having sex in the same room WHILE I WAS IN THERE and come to find out later they were cousins.  I should have dropped her a long time ago but no I didn't want to go back to calling random people.  I still keep in contact with her like once or twice every year but it has gone from "friendship" to "associate".

In your case Cody not only is this girl using you but she's taking your money at the same time.  Is it natural to have subconscious feelings?  Heck yeah but you can't let them get to you.  There are people out there who are willing to be your friend for FREE.  You and I are both young and there are tons of people out there that is just waiting to be met.  However if you keep letting this girl suck you dry where you can't eventually focus or get your mind straight then there's a good chance you may shut down emotionally and push the true friends away from you.  I've done that before.  That's not to say it will happen but just realize that there are better people out there for you Cody.

[Cody Jensen]

@Felix but see, I'm thinking if I back out I won't be able to handle the emotional hurt of having no one. I am close to tears now because it's been going around and around in my head "why can't they actually be my real friend, just this once?" because everyone's either used me or left me, and not even any single one of my cousins have any interest in being friends with me, which is why i hate family, because i feel like there's no point in having mine, no one talks to each other.

PS Am not looking for pity btw

@Malachite, that sounds really rough, sorry you had to go through that man. Actually I quickly feel myself heading that way too. People say "oh, well that's easy, you meet friends by doing things and joining clubs" but I find it so hard to even kick my own butt out of the house and get *motivated* i feel as though i'll never get anywhere, let alone meet anyone