I'm not really in my local trans community anymore because, frankly, I seem to have less in common with those guys than with cis guys. But I especially struggled with my conflicted feelings about a trans guy who was pre-transition. Sometimes I would get mixed up because it was like he was living a double life. He was male to me and a few other folks, but female to everyone else. Being out in public with him was weird because I had to suddenly start labeling him as female, so I avoided pronouns whenever possible. I frequently wished he would just transition already--and I know that's not fair. He had his reasons for not transitioning (yet). We're not really friends anymore, so...well, problem solved. I was pretty hurt about losing him as a friend, actually, but I can be philosophical about it now.
I have another trans friend I've been sort of getting fed up with lately, but it's more because he's scatty and unreliable and, for the past nine months or so, has been taking much more than he's been giving. I also get tired of hearing him complain about being called "she" occasionally when he isn't willing to correct people. Or people will "she" him after they find out he's trans, and that bugs him. I figure that if you're going to be openly trans, you have to take the bad with the good, and live with your decisions. Sure, it sucks that people suddenly switch pronouns when they find out. But then it's your job to CORRECT them; otherwise, they'll just keep on doing it. So either do something about it or deal with it--or be stealth and correct the odd person who uses the wrong pronoun.
Sometimes I'll be socializing with a trans guy I see every few months, and I'll suddenly become acutely aware that he isn't a "regular guy." That freaks me out a bit. It shouldn't matter, but it does because I am tapping into my own Pinocchio complex. I want to be a "real boy" with typical equipment, and this guy can make me more aware that I'm not.
