I dance in an LGBT group, and there is one guy there whom I talk to from time to time.  He is the only other trans person I interact with regularly, and I find myself becoming more and more uncomfortable around him. 

I think that it's not really him, as he is rather easy to get along with.  Instead, it seems to be more that he is a constant reminder of my own body, and I don't really want to be talking or thinking about my gender when I'm doing things that actually help get my mind off of it.  Because of this I have a tendency to avoid him, and I feel like an ass for doing that.

Does anyone else have this issue around other trans guys?  I know that I would feel bad if I knew someone was avoiding me because of my gender, but I don't know what would be a better approach.

I have this issue more with cisguys, especially gay ones.

With other transguys I do I guess get a little uncomfortable, but it's mostly because I too often get distracted with thoughts of removing clothing and comparing notes.

I can't say that I am uncomfortable around other transguys, but the few that I know IRL are a lot younger than me and have socialisation/partying as a priority in their lives.  I just am not into that and thus don't have much in common with them.  But as for reminding me of my trans-ness - they don't really - I guess they might if I hung around them more.

Its kinda weird...I do feel a little uncomfortable around other transguys. There is this guy at a gym I used to go to who was trans but not 'out' I just didnt want to get too strong a connection to him.

I guess we all just want to be considered as 'regular guys' and just blend in.

Its a difficult issue thats for sure....

I am not uncomfortable around anyone any gender i don't worry or reflect how i look and feel by looking at others as we are all diffrent in many ways

My therapist is a Transguy and so was the lawyer that did my name change and I wasn't uncomfrtable with either of them, but they're the only ones that I know.

I guess theres pretty much 2 groups of transgenders.

the ones who are pretty "out and proud" openly trans,
and the ones who are more to fit in and live a "normal kind of life"

whatever I feel confortable or unconfortable around transgender people depends on the person, but do think the first 2 groups of people dosent tend to be mixed together very well..

just my exepriense. and maybe its something like that our facing?

With like-minded trans dudes I'm okay, but I hate the "out and proud" ones I've come across because they've all outed me when I've requested them NOT TO. Can't stand the disrespect.

Since I don't personally know any IRL it's kind of hard to say. Occasionally when I'm out and about I'll see another dude and kind of wonder if he's trans. But I really don't want to assume and I have a hard time distinguishing different types. Like I've seen lesbians (that I know or have talked to) that look exactly like a trans guy. That's no disrespect to either party but it would be kinda impossible for me to tell in some situations. There was one time I was in Whole Foods and I kept noticing this guy looking at me. It made me kinda uncomfortable after awhile. I didn't know if he was trans or what, but anyone kind of staring at you tends to make you feel uncomfortable anyway. I don't think if I actually knew or met other trans guys they would make me uncomfortable just talking with them or being around them.

Quote from: insideontheoutside on April 21, 2012, 07:53:24 PM
There was one time I was in Whole Foods and I kept noticing this guy looking at me.

Did you consider the possibility he found you attractive?

Quote from: Zerro on April 21, 2012, 04:47:33 PM
With like-minded trans dudes I'm okay, but I hate the "out and proud" ones I've come across

Okay, I think this might be part of the issue.  People generally think I'm a girl, so outing me isn't exactly a problem.  However, I'd just prefer for gender stuff to not be a part of the conversation...

I guess it just bothers me that out of all people he seems to be the one who treats me as something other than just another guy.

I'm not really in my local trans community anymore because, frankly, I seem to have less in common with those guys than with cis guys. But I especially struggled with my conflicted feelings about a trans guy who was pre-transition. Sometimes I would get mixed up because it was like he was living a double life. He was male to me and a few other folks, but female to everyone else. Being out in public with him was weird because I had to suddenly start labeling him as female, so I avoided pronouns whenever possible. I frequently wished he would just transition already--and I know that's not fair. He had his reasons for not transitioning (yet). We're not really friends anymore, so...well, problem solved. I was pretty hurt about losing him as a friend, actually, but I can be philosophical about it now.

I have another trans friend I've been sort of getting fed up with lately, but it's more because he's scatty and unreliable and, for the past nine months or so, has been taking much more than he's been giving. I also get tired of hearing him complain about being called "she" occasionally when he isn't willing to correct people. Or people will "she" him after they find out he's trans, and that bugs him. I figure that if you're going to be openly trans, you have to take the bad with the good, and live with your decisions. Sure, it sucks that people suddenly switch pronouns when they find out. But then it's your job to CORRECT them; otherwise, they'll just keep on doing it. So either do something about it or deal with it--or be stealth and correct the odd person who uses the wrong pronoun.

Sometimes I'll be socializing with a trans guy I see every few months, and I'll suddenly become acutely aware that he isn't a "regular guy." That freaks me out a bit. It shouldn't matter, but it does because I am tapping into my own Pinocchio complex. I want to be a "real boy" with typical equipment, and this guy can make me more aware that I'm not.

Not really. I usually feel more at ease around guys like me.

I do get kinda nervous if he is not as masculine as I am for fear that I will make him feel less manly.

Interesting topic; I was going to make one like this myself. I met up with a guy my age (only two weeks younger) earlier this week to catch up and share experiences, and it was just awkward and generally uncomfortable for me.

I mean, he was nice enough, but I just felt odd. He didn't know nearly as much as I do, and he wasn't respectful when talking about other trans people in the community he attends either. I'm not sure if this is because I have trouble connecting with trans guys, or if it's just my usual trouble connecting with young people. I really don't have the same priorities or goals as teenagers in general, and his talking about clubbing and 'getting ->-bleeped-<--faced' and whatnot just really left me feeling alienated.

I had thought being trans would kind of tie us together -shared experiences and all that jazz- but it just wasn't so. I guess just having one thing in common with a person really isn't enough to base a relationship on, and I think that forgetting that and expecting to find some sort of connection, and then not, could be the root of this problem.

Quote from: Bane on April 24, 2012, 06:17:38 AM
Interesting topic; I was going to make one like this myself. I met up with a guy my age (only two weeks younger) earlier this week to catch up and share experiences, and it was just awkward and generally uncomfortable for me.

I mean, he was nice enough, but I just felt odd. He didn't know nearly as much as I do, and he wasn't respectful when talking about other trans people in the community he attends either. I'm not sure if this is because I have trouble connecting with trans guys, or if it's just my usual trouble connecting with young people. I really don't have the same priorities or goals as teenagers in general, and his talking about clubbing and 'getting ->-bleeped-<--faced' and whatnot just really left me feeling alienated.

I had thought being trans would kind of tie us together -shared experiences and all that jazz- but it just wasn't so. I guess just having one thing in common with a person really isn't enough to base a relationship on, and I think that forgetting that and expecting to find some sort of connection, and then not, could be the root of this problem.

for me it dosent sound like a good start either, to talk behind others back of the trans comunety, specially if he dosent know your well, the trans comunety is pretty small so there could be a great risk you where apart and knew the people he where mention, maybe you where friends with them..
its not that clever of him ..

anyway, your right, just because we are trans dosent nessesarry mean we fit together,
I do feel I am able to connect with many trans people because, yeah we have stuff in common, but we are all people with diffrent personalety and opinons and some of them are people we like and some arn't. it counts for all people, if we where a group of shopping girls, if we where a group of black men, if we where a group of people interesteed in cars.

Quote from: Bane on April 24, 2012, 06:17:38 AM
I had thought being trans would kind of tie us together -shared experiences and all that jazz- but it just wasn't so. I guess just having one thing in common with a person really isn't enough to base a relationship on, and I think that forgetting that and expecting to find some sort of connection, and then not, could be the root of this problem.

I do run into this problem sometimes. I'll go to a trans event and be confused at the not-always-harmonious interactions, and then I remind myself that lol we have ONE thing in common, and that doesn't guarantee we'll have anything else in common.

Quote from: dalebert on April 22, 2012, 08:16:02 AM
Did you consider the possibility he found you attractive?

Didn't seem like that kind of "checking out" ... it went on for awhile and it felt different to me, then of course the more I noticed it, the more I noticed the guy might also be trans, but didn't want to make any judgements.

Even when people are obviously checking me out it makes me uncomfortable anyway, so either way, uncomfortable, yeah.

I tend to be just as likely to have a hard time with a trans guy as with a cis guy. Read: I probably won't become close friends but can make conversation.
There have been FTMs I couldn't stand, and FTMs who I have adored. I'm in a serious long-term relationship with one.
It really depends on personality, like with anyone else.
I will admit I sometimes get jealous of guys who pass better, or feel worried about getting outed by hanging with FTMs or MTFs who are clearly trans, but I cope because if it's someone I like enough to bother spending time with, they are worth it.

I guess because i'm stealth i feel severely uncomfortable hanging around 'out and proud' trans guys, i know there's nothing wrong with them and they can be great people, but my own paranoia gets in the mix. i don't like the idea of people knowing about me, prefer to just blend in and so the thought of hanging around openly trans people makes me worried that i may be outed.
as for trans people in general, i consider men as men, i wont feel uncomfortable by the fact that he's trans, that doesn't even make sense. it'll be as stupid to me as feeling uncomfortable around a cis guy. its just the very open ones i stray away from so that i don't get outed.

I don't think other trans-people make me uncomfortable per-say...but while I'm in the gender clinic waiting room or within close proximity with other trans people I do get a weird sensation of "eehehehe omg that dude has a vagina!/that woman has a penis!" (or used to, in some cases) and it seems like the strangest thing in the world. Even though I'm one of them. I hope I don't offend anyone with this post, that's not my intention.