"Competing" With Cisgirls in Relationships?

[Icephoenyx]

Hi all, I was out for lunch with my boyfriend this weekend at a place he goes to very frequently. Hence, he has gotten to know the waitresses quite well.

He has since told me that when we first met, there were a few waitresses who he could tell liked him, and he was considering asking one of them out (before him and I became official). So this weekend at lunch, guess who served us?! of all people.....

So anyways, they chatted it up and what not, but he said that she wasn't acting herself because he was with me. It was definitely uncomfortable and awkward for me either way, and I got a little upset. I didn't get mad at him or anything, just sad. Was I wrong in feeling this way?

This is my first relationship and so I don't really know what is 'right' and what is 'wrong.' We talked about it and he said he can't help it if these girls like him. Fair enough, I just don't like witnessing it.

I see this waitress as a threat, unfortunately. Am I overreacting? I know he can get a cisgirl like her anytime, so should I just let him go and do that? He supports me being trans, but I'm worried about cisgirls. He says he loves me and wants me, but I guess I'm not convinced. But isn't that all that matters?

Any honest advice??

[Kevin Peña]

Wait, if he's considering asking out a waitress when he's in a relationship with you, I'd toss him to the curb.

If he's just the victim of some flirting, then tell him that you don't like it and that you want him to cool it down a bit.

[Icephoenyx]

Wait, if he's considering asking out a waitress when he's in a relationship with you, I'd toss him to the curb.

If he's just the victim of some flirting, then tell him that you don't like it and that you want him to cool it down a bit.

Oh no, he was thinking of asking her out when he first met me, not while we were official. Sorry, I'll reword that.

[DriftingCrow]

If he's with you and not her, surely that means something.

I am sure you'll have doubts for awhile, maybe forever, about any guy you're with liking cisgirls better, but if you get all worried all the time, he'll sense that and that will cause trouble in the relationship, because he'll feel that you don't trust him.

A lot of guys have little things with waitresses if they're a regular, they may joke around with them, but it often doesn't mean much. (My mom used to joke around that my dad had a girlfriend at the coffee shop, but he didn't and she knew that, it was just a running joke between them). If you're very concerned, you could try to see if he'd be willing to go to another restuarant, but I don't think that's the answer.

But, now that the waitresses have seen him with you, that should give them a good signal that he's taken. And, if he did want to continue on a flirtatous relationship with them, he wouldn't have invited you to go to that restaurant, he would just keep you secret from them.

So... I really don't think you have much to worry about.  🙂

[suzifrommd]

Any honest advice??

Don't try to compete with any other woman. If he appreciates what a beautiful, wonderful person you are, then reward him with your company. If he doesn't realize how lucky he is to have your attention, well there are three billion more guys where he came from.

[muffinpants]

I'd say it's normal to be a bit irked when there are others that have an interest in your sweetie. Just don't allow the annoyance/jealousy get out of control. It is poison to a relationship! I'd say just trust him until he gives you a reason not to.

[Rowan Rue]

If he said that he could "tell" that some of the waitresses had a crush on him, then it sound's more like he's a little insecure himself and maybe needs to let you see how desirable he is to other girls?
As for the waitress I'd put dollars to donuts on her having no real interest. 
Any good waitress is going to flirt with her male customers because she'll make way better tips.  Guys are suckers for that. 
Plus, if your boyfriend is a regular and has a) proven to be a decent tipper, b) not put the moves on this girl and c) isn't a creeper then she probably likes him for those reasons.
i.e. Here's a customer who is a nice guy, tips well and doesn't creep on her. 
That's the kind of customer any waitress wants so of course she'll maintain a flirtatious relationship as long as things stay at their current level, but I doubt she actually wants to date him (how often have you ever known a waitress or bar tender so start dating a regular or any other customer?).
In short, you probably don't need to feel threatened 🙂

[Chaos]

Well all deal with this kind of thing no matter if we are cis,trans or what not so no you are not wrong in this feeling.My situation *tho yes weird and odd* is about the same.I currently have 2 girlfriends *lost story* and they are best friends.they have no issues with each other but if anyone else flirts with me *which i get alot* then the awkwardness kicks in and makes them feel uncomfortable *which i can understand* i step back away from the flirting *in a nice way of course as not to hurt anyones feelings* and i make it very clear i am not interested in said person.in my opinion,this is a normal feeling and you should never feel bad for having your heart tell you *he is mine and i dont like feeling someone is stepping in* but tell him bluntly that you do not like it and it hurts your feelings.some men do it for attention and the jealousy it brings their partner *which i agree shouldnt be done* it makes them feel manly,above the rest.If he loves you then he will have no issues changing the way he deals with such people.what i mean by this is-encourgeing the flirting does not make it better but if he is just nice and says *thank you* with no interest,then he is doing the right thing.So maybe he just needs a boost from you,make him feel like the only one.Boost by his looks,his manhood,his abilities.

[Icephoenyx]

I guess you're right, if he is with me that's all that really matters. I'm thinking because I'm inexperienced I'm still at the point where even if he gives a female friend a hug it bothers me --- and that is nothing to worry about, right?

The hard part is that they could have potentially been interested in each other, so having me sit there with both of them was uncomfortable. I don't want to mess things up but this is still bothering me. If it was just some random girl it wouldn't matter, but my guy and this girl do have a bit of 'history' if you will. That changes things doesn't it?

[Chaos]

I guess you're right, if he is with me that's all that really matters. I'm thinking because I'm inexperienced I'm still at the point where even if he gives a female friend a hug it bothers me --- and that is nothing to worry about, right?

The hard part is that they could have potentially been interested in each other, so having me sit there with both of them was  uncomfortable. I don't want to mess things up but this is still bothering me.

In my opinion dear,it would be his loss if he gave you up for someone else.you are much better then that and i know how you feel.stay confident in yourself and let him see that.let him know that you love him and need him but you are also not a slave to it.Because if a man see's it,he will feed from it.remind yourself daily,you are one of a kind and special and not every woman is you.he will see this and realize that *she is the only one i need* yes i wont lie,men love the jealousy as it makes them feel good but confidence is a huge heart buster. 🙂