Hello Everyone,
This is my first post on the website, however i have been a regular visitor on the forums.
I just felt like i really wanted to share my situation to see if anyone can offer any support/advice or even relate to where I am currently at.
I am a 31 year old male and have been an on & off again crossdresser since I was young child. I grew up as a typical boy, but did have three sisters and was the only boy. I would say my childhood was fairly normal, although I was a very shy kid, especially in school and I was subject to a bit of physical abuse from my Father. I never really got into playing with feminine toys, but did often fantasise about being a girl, especially in my teen years.
Over the last 2-3 years my crossdrssing has really begun to intensify. I find myself plucking my eyebrows, shaving my legs & arms, sanding, yes sanding!! hard skin from my hands and feet and using moisturising lotion. I have also begun growing my hair out and often find myself in front of the mirror trying to style it in a feminine manner. My crossdressing urges seem to come and go, I can be really into it for a few weeks and then the urge seems to disappear for another few weeks. Although, with this being said, when I am not really feeling the urge to crossdress I still find myself keeping up with my feminine body routine ie shaving, moisturising etc and even when I am in my male clothes and look in the mirror, I still see this lovely lady looking back at me.
Over the years I have acquired many female items of clothing, but like many have gone on massive quilt trips and disposed of them, which at times has really upset me, as I had some really nice items!! I promised myself I wouldn't let this happen again, and my current collection is still intact
and I no longer feel guilty for having it, which has been a bit of a milestone for me.
I have been out fully dressed a couple of times, which I really enjoyed, however these outings were very late at night and I tried to keep a low profile. the last time I did it I just felt so happy like I was in another world, it was like being on a bit of a high and in many ways it just felt so right.
My homelife isn't the best at the moment, I am married with two young kids and am constantly under stress trying to make ends meet, and having to put up with a lot of crying/screaming and not too mention sleepless nights from my children (2 & 5 years).
I work as an electrician and have done so since my late teens, but lately have just seem to have lost all motovation and drive for the job. I have often though about changing careers, but can never seem to find anything that would pay the same or not cost me a fortune in training. So, I just carry on doing what I have always done.
I guess at the moment, I just feel a bit lost and don't really know where to go too from here. Is this just an act? or does my problem run a lot deeper then I think? I would appreciate any feedback.
Many Thanks in advance,
Paula.
