Since I came out to myself and my personal friends, I have calmed considerably and have been sleeping better. I am also doing a bit better knowing that I meet my new therapist at the end of July, and can start telling my story; working on things that are important to me.
This has also come with a sort of up and down with my anxiety levels. Last night, I was out with a family member and started to experience what almost felt like an allergic reaction, but I hadn't been near anything I am allergic to and have no food allergies. My critical thinking kicks in and says, "now, Dawn, you're just having an anxiety attack and if you look around you, pay attention to what is happening and see that the world around you is ok, and focus instead on the good time you're having, you'll be fine"
With that, I took some slow, deep breaths, and kept walking with my family member and talking about our chosen topic (new movies and music). I noticed as I did this, I felt the tightness in my chest and throat start to dissipate. My fast beating heart started to regulate itself, and my sanity quickly returned. I felt kinda tired, but my energy level went back to normal in a reasonable time.
Today I have sorta been dwelling on some "what if" scenarios that relate to losing what is left of the people and things that mean anything to my life as I prepare to become who I really am. It really becomes overwhelming!
Eventually I was able to hit that metaphorical "off" switch in my brain, and move on to better and more productive stuff. This anxiety attack hit at the exact wrong time though, and I was silently freaking out inside...or starting to anyway.
Sound familiar to anyone? I really think I handled this well today, though. When I look at my past, and how I would have handled it...I see I have come a LONG way from my past!
