I've realised, after slowing things right down and doing lots of thinking, that I'm more like genderqueer/genderfluid/transmasculine, not really transexual. I feel better for knowing more about myself, but I'm scared of my local trans friends getting angry with me for wanting to take a few steps back from my previous position. I would hope they'll still love me for who I am, but I worry that they'll tell me I'm wrong and either stop talking to me, or pressure me to transition when I don't want to anymore.