What Made You Both Happy and Unhappy at the Same Time Today?

[Megumi]

Stay away from under trees during thunder and lightening events, good way to get fried hon!

It wasn't lightening, I usually call any sudden rain shower a thunderstorm regardless if it actually thunders and lightening at all. In this case there was some slight rumbles and a good hard 5 minute rain but no lightning to be seen. If I'd have seen lightening off in the distance my butt would have been turning right around the moment I stepped outside

[Sephirah]

Finding a buried extra content mod in Fallout New Vegas which was made by the same guy who made Falskaar for Skyrim, playing through most of it in probably the most enjoyable, best atmosphere in the game... only to get a constant CTD right near the end of it and being unable to figure out which mod is causing it.

Infuriating.

[KabitTarah]

The unhappy came first. I dropped my son off at my parents' for a sleep over. They managed to ridicule me (in tone; yes Father I should go on my walk with the kids - I'll wake them up at 5-6, get them dressed, and push them out the door) and tell me how I'm going against their values and that my choice is ruining other people's lives (my wife and kids...)

On the other hand, I had a couple hours and went to Kohls for about 45 min, shopped in the women's section (XL is tight, but fits OK and will fit better with some more weight loss). I got a sweater, long sleeve shirt that fits great other than being tight in the arms, and 6 pairs of girl socks (nothing crazy... greens and blues with gray to go with my new gray Toms. I was so pissed off I didn't care a whit about what anyone thought of me shopping in women's clothes. I wish I had the confidence to use the dressing rooms, too... I might have tried a little harder to find some slightly looser clothes -- but these will fit pretty perfectly in a month or two.

And thanks... I'm a little less P-O'd now ♥

[Darkie]

My SO was coming home from work and I wanted to do something special so I had us play Smash Brothers since he says I always ignore him and sit on my computer.  It was going great till he couldn't beat Captain Falcon twice and got mad and threw the controller on the ground.  Needless to say that ended our playtime.

After about 10 minutes he kinda calmed down and now we are at the dining room table.

[Megumi]

I wrote my coming out letter yesterday/today and it's super long but I like it so I've been in an amazingly good mood where I felt light as a feather and gasp had a smile and bright looking eyes all day long instead of my usual long down in the dumps look. Then after work I went to my parents house to grab a bite to eat before we went to my little niece's soccer game and while I was eating she asked me if I was a girl. Made me happy that she, being a totally innocent child would see me as such. Also makes me question if my family has been asking each other what's been up with me lately and that this has been a topic. But then I felt sad when I couldn't tell her yes as that's not the way I want to come out in front of my family.

[Darkie]

Did you tell her no or just smile?  Cause if you just smiled you didn't really say no. That's what I did when this little boy asked me if I was a boy.  I just smiled.

[Megumi]

Did you tell her no or just smile?  Cause if you just smiled you didn't really say no. That's what I did when this little boy asked me if I was a boy.  I just smiled.

Yeah I just smiled, then let her play with my hair. My parents weren't in the room so I couldn't see their faces for any inkling of expressions and I think at least my dad heard her ask me. Bah oh well, I have plans in action to come out fairly soon so I'm not too worried that she asked me. They'll all know soon enough.

[NathanielM]

4 seperate kids at my internship came to ask me if I was a boy or a girl . It's kind of nice that I get this when I'm not even trying to pass, and that when I ask them "what do you think?" 3/4 said I was a boy and 1 said she really didn't know (so cute and sincere). I'm sad because I then had to say I wasn't a boy because I can't just have a couple of the kids telling others I'm a boy and they asked me, that would cause issues.

[Shantel]

4 seperate kids at my internship came to ask me if I was a boy or a girl . It's kind of nice that I get this when I'm not even trying to pass, and that when I ask them "what do you think?" 3/4 said I was a boy and 1 said she really didn't know (so cute and sincere). I'm sad because I then had to say I wasn't a boy because I can't just have a couple of the kids telling others I'm a boy and they asked me, that would cause issues.

You could have just left them wondering!

[NathanielM]

I work with kids 8-13 that are mentally and physically disabled... They didn't ask to be mean, they truly wondered and being cryptic or leaving it at that would be confusing and unfair to them.

[Shantel]

I work with kids 8-13 that are mentally and physically disabled... They didn't ask to be mean, they truly wondered and being cryptic or leaving it at that would be confusing and unfair to them.

That's thoughtful and kind of you Nathaniel!

[Darkie]

Was brave enough to come out to my teacher but I wish the circumstances had been different.  I would have much rather have told her after I had thought out what I was going to say and not have had it caused by a very upsetting conversation.  Although in hindsight, I don't know if I ever would have had the courage to say anything had it not been triggered.

[FTMDiaries]

Had my second T shot this morning. 

What made me happy: woohoo! more hormones!

What made me unhappy: ow ow ow ow ow ow ow...

[KabitTarah]

I like to give the unhappy first... since it usually isn't that unhappy and then I end on a high note

Unhappy: I went to see my GP today, to talk about AAs (gave him a nice letter a few days ago) and hoping to get Spiro... either today or in a month. He is more than happy to be my GP, but doesn't feel comfortable doing anything endocrine.

Happy: He knows of the endo I was suggested by my therapist, he is referring me to her, and her office will be calling me tomorrow. She's trans friendly and she is known for working through various insurance issues (read between the lines there ). It's only unfortunate that my appointment will probably be in 2-3 months instead of 1.

[KabitTarah]

I had a similar experience kabit.  My GP is a great guy.  He did start me on low dose Spiro but only as a diuretic.  He is a decent doc in terms of meds, he will carefully prescribe for me even when the treatment may be somewhat controversial, but he knows his limits.  When I first talked to him about HRT, he declined (which I suspected would happen).  He did agree to prescribing E for me on a continuing basis once I had worked through initial treatment with a specialist.

I totally respect his decision. In fact, I was expecting it (part of why I went in early... worth the $25 copay and hey - might've had a script). I figured he wouldn't want to touch E - there are too many options and pitfalls. Hopefully my endo will be ok with doing just AAs for a while (6 mo or so). I really want what they give (body hair lightening especially, which takes a while, but also the impotence and hopefully it will help my mood some).

[KabitTarah]

One thing to keep in mind when seeking a prescription for E - prescribing E to males for transgender purposes is considered "off label". i.e., it is not an FDA approved use for Estrogen.  A doctor who prescribes off label puts themselves at greater risk in a lawsuit, which can feed back to their insurance coverage.  Losing insurance coverage can end an MD's career, so they are often skittish to attempt off label prescription.

Then how does it work? An endo supporting trans prescribes for a non-trans issue that a (cis) man couldn't have (such as some low estrogen disorder)? Which, I suppose, the insurance takes because it's a non-trans script? Does that protect the doctor?

[KabitTarah]

I don't know all the fine points involved but "off label" prescribing has some legal risks.  Guess I can't say for sure tho...


EDIT:  Oops, i didn't quite fathom your question about insurance then it clicked with me.  The insurance I talked about was the Medical Malpractice insurance that doctors are required to carry.  It is a big part of the cost of health care, and if a doctor is unable to obtain such coverage, they are out of business.

LOL... no, the kind I meant was prescribing for an unspecified endocrine disorder (or whatever floats their insurance code). Still not quite legal - but trans discrimination is a pretty gray area these days.

[KabitTarah]

Happy: It's National Coming Out Day.

Unhappy: I'm stuck in the closet 'cause I'm trans and haven't even started HRT.

I'll just continue liking posts on Facebook from FCKH8.com and NOH8 Campaign to keep people guessing... :p

[Darkie]

Happy: It's National Coming Out Day.

Unhappy: I'm stuck in the closet 'cause I'm trans and haven't even started HRT.

I'll just continue liking posts on Facebook from FCKH8.com and NOH8 Campaign to keep people guessing... :p

That's ok, the teacher who knows about me told everyone HAPPY COMING OUT DAY in sign and then smiled at me. XD She is the only one at the school besides my friend Freya who knows.  So I'm in the closet.  Will be for a LONG time.

[KabitTarah]

That's ok, the teacher who knows about me told everyone HAPPY COMING OUT DAY in sign and then smiled at me. XD She is the only one at the school besides my friend Freya who knows.  So I'm in the closet.  Will be for a LONG time.

I understand it's more for straight people than for the rest of us. Nobody's saying we have to come out.

But I've wanted to come out to everyone since I came out to myself... and that feeling has just grown stronger. I want everyone to see who I am (and it'd be nice if they'd accept it... but now I'm just making wishes again ).

NCOD just makes it that much tougher... I start thinking about it, like that old college friend of mine who noticed my wife feeling angsty on Facebook. She was a very close friend of mine (not even of my wife's) and I'd love nothing more than to tell her... but we're just not that close anymore.

Now take that feeling and apply it to almost every human interaction I have (including online)...

So yeah... it's not so much the day as much as it hurts to be in the closet with nearly everyone still. Thank god I mostly hang out with close family - but some of those interactions are pretty awkward lately too.