What Made You Both Happy and Unhappy at the Same Time Today?

[Lauren5]

Excellent, she didn't try to BS past it, or talk you out of it.  Sounds like great progress.

She did inform me that ist's a process, and I told her I knew that, that it'd likely be about 2 years before SRS, if not more, and I didn't expect to go into the OR tonight.

I also told her about my worries and hopes for telling my family, and she seems to think I have logical and legitimate points on it all. I know they likely won't understand, but I hope that they'd still support their child (this is where I got all into tears about if my child did something I didn't like, how it'd take me a while to understand why, but I'd still do my best to support my child, no matter how rough our relationship is, because I'd love them) still, because, even though my family can seem cruel and distant at times, the support hasn't always been there from them to me or me to them, but they're still my family, and I love them.

[Lauren5]

Go slow and easy on coming out, it's a huge step and not one to be made lightly.  Even the best of situations can go bad from poor handling.  Same for SRS, don't make the appointment yet!  Your still new in transition, think things through carefully before deciding.

I'm thinking about telling my sister first. Of all the bad things that could happen and break my parents apart, I don't want her hurt. I care for her most of all.

Of course, I didn't say that I would. I have a few "guideline timelines" ready, none of them have SRS until at least summer 2015, if not later. Now, what I do want to do soon is book an endo, so I can get started at least on blockers to stop my remaining puberty.

[Apples Mk.II]

I have full access to the women's changing rooms og the gym in both 1st (gym) and 3rd (Pool) Floors. If I need privacy I can used the locked changing rooms in the 3rd, but if I only want to drop my backpack and sweater, I can use the one in the 1st (The closest). If somebody abuses or tries to harass me, I need to report it.

She just asked me "Do you feel like a Woman?" "Then you are going to the women's area". She showed me everything, and when we were out, she hugged me and told me that they only wanted the best for us.


I went back half crying. Don't know if of happiness or the sadness that despite being accepted as a woman by everybody, I feel like a mockery that wishes to be a woman and will only be a crude chop shop imitation.



If somebody if going to ask me... Yes, I had a GID attack while going out when I looked in the mirror. I don't know why, but at the end of the day I look more like a man and my facial features become harder. I don't know if the make up is reflecting more light due to the accumulated sweat and body's sebaceous production despite how much fixing powder I put.

[Darkie]

Good news?  Heard that they want to hire me on at the museum after my student aid runs out and I started back at Gamestop.  And I'm loving Pokemon X.

Bad news?  When I bit down and hurt my tooth on Tuesday turns out I cracked it.  There is a nice crack along my front tooth and I'm just waiting for it to break off. I don't have dental but I think my parents feel bad as it was food they made me that I cracked it on so I think they are going to pay for it.

[suzifrommd]

Had to go see the divorce lawyer today to prepare for the next four-way meeting.

On the way home, I stopped at Target and bought a couple skirts I can wear at work and my very first dress.

When I got it home I showed my daughter. My wife saw it and fell into a funk that has lasted all evening.

[KabitTarah]

I'm taking my son on a camping trip w/ cub scouts.

I'm going 99% "boy mode" for this... ok... maybe more like 90% - I don't think I can give up my panties & tucking.
Looking at my toes right now is just WEIRD - colorless and dull doesn't look right to me at all I know what I'm doing tomorrow... (and maybe I need a new color or two).

[FTMDiaries]

The cat's well and truly out the bag now!

I'd decided not to tell my family about starting HRT, because every time I mentioned anything to do with my transition we'd all get into a huge argument with me being painted as the Spawn of Satan. I don't need that kind of stress in my life, so I decided to simply start HRT and let my family notice the changes as and when they happen - because it seemed that talking about things in advance just stresses them out more.

Well, over the weekend one of my daughters noticed my 'billy-goat fluff' (as I'm calling the facial hair that's sprouting on my chin & moustache area) and challenged me on it. I immediately admitted that I've been on HRT since August and guess what? the world hasn't ended as a result. Nor have we had a knock on the door from the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. There was an argument (naturally), but it was shorter and less severe than usual.

Later that evening, my other daughter & I were talking about skincare (as you do) and I admitted that the reason why I've been bathing more frequently than usual is because my hair & skin are incredibly greasy thanks to the HRT. She then fetched me some skincare products that should help with greasy skin.

Perhaps we're making a tiny bit of progress here?

[KabitTarah]

The cat's well and truly out the bag now!

I'd decided not to tell my family about starting HRT, because every time I mentioned anything to do with my transition we'd all get into a huge argument with me being painted as the Spawn of Satan. I don't need that kind of stress in my life, so I decided to simply start HRT and let my family notice the changes as and when they happen - because it seemed that talking about things in advance just stresses them out more.

Well, over the weekend one of my daughters noticed my 'billy-goat fluff' (as I'm calling the facial hair that's sprouting on my chin & moustache area) and challenged me on it. I immediately admitted that I've been on HRT since August and guess what? the world hasn't ended as a result. Nor have we had a knock on the door from the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. There was an argument (naturally), but it was shorter and less severe than usual.

Later that evening, my other daughter & I were talking about skincare (as you do) and I admitted that the reason why I've been bathing more frequently than usual is because my hair & skin are incredibly greasy thanks to the HRT. She then fetched me some skincare products that should help with greasy skin.

Perhaps we're making a tiny bit of progress here?

Awesome! Arguments can be good. It may be they're finally accepting that it's real and happening?

[FTMDiaries]

Awesome! Arguments can be good. It may be they're finally accepting that it's real and happening?

That's my hope.

I'm hoping that each argument gives them an opportunity to release their pent-up anger, so that they can move on towards acceptance. I don't think we're out of the woods yet, but at least we can see a glimmer of sunshine through the trees.

A few days ago, I found a styling gel in the cut out bin, it was nearly free for the markdown and I've been struggling with styling my longer hair.  I tried it but it left my hair looking like a dirty, stringy mop instead of a clean one.  I've been trying to wash it out for 2 days, I can't get rid of the smell and I've had to change my pillow case twice.

Have you tried baby shampoo? It sounds like the product probably contained a lot of silicone, and baby shampoo or clarifying shampoo are both good at removing that sort of stuff.

[Shantel]

The cat's well and truly out the bag now!

I'd decided not to tell my family about starting HRT, because every time I mentioned anything to do with my transition we'd all get into a huge argument with me being painted as the Spawn of Satan. I don't need that kind of stress in my life, so I decided to simply start HRT and let my family notice the changes as and when they happen - because it seemed that talking about things in advance just stresses them out more.

Well, over the weekend one of my daughters noticed my 'billy-goat fluff' (as I'm calling the facial hair that's sprouting on my chin & moustache area) and challenged me on it. I immediately admitted that I've been on HRT since August and guess what? the world hasn't ended as a result. Nor have we had a knock on the door from the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. There was an argument (naturally), but it was shorter and less severe than usual.

Later that evening, my other daughter & I were talking about skincare (as you do) and I admitted that the reason why I've been bathing more frequently than usual is because my hair & skin are incredibly greasy thanks to the HRT. She then fetched me some skincare products that should help with greasy skin.

Perhaps we're making a tiny bit of progress here?

Sounds like it's a possibility! Self determination = 99% Other's approval = 0%

[Shantel]

A few days ago, I found a styling gel in the cut out bin, it was nearly free for the markdown and I've been struggling with styling my longer hair.  I tried it but it left my hair looking like a dirty, stringy mop instead of a clean one.  I've been trying to wash it out for 2 days, I can't get rid of the smell and I've had to change my pillow case twice.

Guess we know why it was marked down, gah poor Joules!

[LordKAT]

FTM Diaries, Grats on the glimmer of light, I hope it soon turns to a full out sunny day without too many clouds in the way.

[Danielle Emmalee]

Looking in the mirror, I can see myself starting to look female.  I was even going to take and post a pic.  When I tried to put fresh batteries in my camera, it wouldn't turn on.  I think it died.

It's a sign!  That you should try again....

[V M]

The NY Giants finally won a game this season, unfortunately their stats still put them in the 'Losers League' 

[Shantel]

Like I said earlier, I had my "love handles" lipo-suctioned out for good. Didn't know it would be such a big deal. I'm stuck wearing a compression garment for six weeks, have to ice it down three times a day, but it's all downhill from here. 

The bad part is the recovery boredom, I can't keep my hand out of the halloween goodies we have for the kids and have a vision of lard handles growing back twice as big again, I'll need to see a shrink before it's over. 

[Lauren5]

I can't wait for the bloodwork results.
Unfortunately that means not getting nervous in the chair when they go to take the blood. Nothing I seem to do is working, the psychiatrist is dying her best but it's still not quite enough.

[Sephirah]

Like I said earlier, I had my "love handles" lipo-suctioned out for good. Didn't know it would be such a big deal. I'm stuck wearing a compression garment for six weeks, have to ice it down three times a day, but it's all downhill from here. 

The bad part is the recovery boredom, I can't keep my hand out of the halloween goodies we have for the kids and have a vision of lard handles growing back twice as big again, I'll need to see a shrink before it's over. 

You could always give the kids carrot sticks and celery for Halloween instead, lol. Think of it as doing them a service, too.

[Lauren5]

I'm not sure I follow Willow, are you afraid of needles so much?

To an extreme amount. So much so that they couldn't get the blood today iand I have to reschedule. I'm an emotional wreck right now. But tthe psychiatrist told me "Willow, you are a strong woman."
I cried tears of joy over or for a good 10 minutes.
I'm now just totally demoralised, I don't want to go to class or anything. I feel like I'm going to be sick.

[Sephirah]

To an extreme amount. So much so that they couldn't get the blood today iand I have to reschedule. I'm an emotional wreck right now. But tthe psychiatrist told me "Willow, you are a strong woman."
I cried tears of joy over or for a good 10 minutes.
I'm now just totally demoralised, I don't want to go to class or anything. I feel like I'm going to be sick.

Have you ever thought of learning a few autohypnosis and/or relaxation techniques? They can help immensely with anxiety over things like needles. What they essentially do is allow you to alter your state of consciousness and take you out of that situation, to a more calming place from which you may not even notice the needle at all.

[Lauren5]

Ok, wow, I've never had that problem but hugs girlfriend.  I don't know what to say that might help, maybe just think of it as you'll get an E flavored lollipop at the end, and it's SOO good.

That's pretty much what I thought of, but it didn't work. Fear overruled desire. I don't know if desire will ever overcome. I tried so hard, but could not get the reward.  No consolation prize, not for second place.

Have you ever thought of learning a few autohypnosis and/or relaxation techniques? They can help immensely with anxiety over things like needles. What they essentially do is allow you to alter your state of consciousness and take you out of that situation, to a more calming place from which you may not even notice the needle at all.

Had a psychiatrist there, she tried all that. Try as I might to listen to her I could not.