This was last evening, it always takes me a bit to process this stuff enough to post it. Sweety asked me if I was happy with the way HRT is affecting me. I told her that I was pleased with the mental changes and that there were only minor physical changes so far because she can't stand that I might look too female and I'm good with that right now because it means we can stay together.
She told me that it was making me very "level". I said that was exactly what I was hoping for. A year ago or more she was complaining that I should get therapy for my wild mood swings. She told me that it was too much, like might happen to someone who was bipolar, that I never seemed really angry or really happy anymore. I realized that she was talking about "flat affect", a term she wouldn't know to use. There hasn't been much to be "really happy" for us lately, but I didn't make that point. I told her that it was mostly true that I'm not hitting those big swings I had been, but that I had been keeping more control on my anger and elation as I feared either one might trigger her right now. She told me not to. I said I wouldn't and then kissed her all over her face saying that I had feared she reject something like that. She said she still might.
So, it made me happy that she validated the positive changes, but unhappy that she seemed to see them as a negative outcome. Still, it's progress.
