Can't go on living this way

[K Style Addiction]

I hate myself so much, i hate my life and i just want to kill myself. I used to be extremely ugly three years ago, now i look the way i do which is a complete change from what i was but the memories and the pain of being an ugly person stays with me forever. I don't know if i am beautiful or still ugly, who am i say which?

This is just a rant, i'm not looking for any sympathy, if you wanna give some that's cool but the only friend who would listen is hurt herself and i don't want to make her day worse.

Sorry for the 40 millionth post here.

I wish i would die.

[Devlyn]

Hon, if you are overwhelmed by thoughts of suicide, please call one of the hotlines immediately. Your life is too precious to waste. Hugs, Devlyn

[Bexi]

I wish i would die.

Never ever wish that. We only live once. Learn to love life. I know some days it doesnt feel like it but its the singlemost wonderful thing in the world. Think of how magical it is. Interacting with billions of people every day. People like you but each with his or hers own experiences, thoughts, ideas, emotions, friends, family, lives, job, goals. How is that not special?  How is that not magical? Life isnt something you should take for granted or wish away.

I hate myself so much, i hate my life and i just want to kill myself. I used to be extremely ugly three years ago, now i look the way i do which is a complete change from what i was but the memories and the pain of being an ugly person stays with me forever. I don't know if i am beautiful or still ugly, who am i say that?

Repeatedly the wonderful people on here have commented on your pictures, about how well you pass, how beautiful you are and i'm sure more than a handful are jealous of the way you look! These are people who have endured the emotional struggle of transitioning, the daily critique-ing of their features, wondering if they look female, if they are 'passable', if they are pretty. They have standards. High standards. They know what to look for. To ignore what they have been saying is both immature and offensive. Start listening to them. Believe in what they say 

the only friend who would listen is hurt herself and i don't want to make her day worse.

Heres a thought - maybe you should be comforting her? Listening to her. Making her day better.

[MariaMx]

From the pictures I have seen you are not ugly. Quiet the opposite actually. I don't know how you live your day to day life but maybe what you need is some positive reinforcement in the real world. Both my husband and I are homebodies. I don't go out much, but every now and then I need to to have the outside world remind me who I am, so I go out to a club or whatever to get the positive feedback I need. For me this helps keep my self-confidence and self-image up.

Also, try to focus other good qualities about yourself besides your appearance. What things are you good at? What makes you special? I make music, and when I make something that I think is really good I feel very good about myself. I completely forget about about all the little things about myself that have a tendency to get me down.

Also, there are such things as bad days, and when they pop up it is easy to forget about the good ones and think you feel this way all the time.

I hope you will feel better soon.

[K Style Addiction]

Heres a thought - maybe you should be comforting her? Listening to her. Making her day better.

I wish i could but i don't know her in real life (she lives Texas where i am far from) and she's not online. I will reply to the other comments later, i'm just trying to chill out now.

[Ms. OBrien CVT]

Donna,

I know that it is hard sometime.  But if I had your looks I would be happy.  I know you are feeling down, but you are so pretty.  Try to focus on the good things.  I worry about you, little sister.