Susan's Place Logo

News:

Please be sure to review The Site terms of service, and rules to live by

Main Menu

In the end I had to come out to my parents

Started by Apples, August 04, 2012, 12:47:25 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Apples Mk.II

Looks like they are acting again as if nothing had happened (they probably hope that if I don't mention again and act normal I will have forgotten about it). Although from time to time I hear something that could be read as a second meaning).


I'm not doing any more mentions or trying anything until we are advanced on the therapy. The way the Gender therapist works now, they also make appointments with the familiars to explain these things. I myself, I don't have the confidence to fully support my intentions when talking about them outside the internet. They are not understanding in the slightest and I know that they piss me enough to end in another fight, so it is better to leave it to the experts.


In the end, they are by far the thing that crushes my hopes the most. After more than two months of therapy (not Gender Therapy), they appear as the cause for 75% of my problems and traumas, and knowing this has worsened the family relations a lot. The GID therapist wants a letter with the opinions and thoughts of my other therapists on me to have a better understanding, so I hope they will talk about the family thing.



Well, too depressed to write more. This morning I really was in high spirits, but connecting transiton and family makes me depressive again. I was I had a close friend I had confidence enough to talk about all of this. Internet is ok, but having to hide it from everybody outside this community is quite awful.
  •  

Ave

Quote from: justmeinoz on August 09, 2012, 07:03:50 AM
You haven't said why you are still living at home at 30.  I don't know where you are but in Australia most people want their independence and will be gone long before then.

the situation in spain is vastly different from elsewhere. Almost 50% youth unemployment coupled with a culture where one is "tied" to their family more than we are here in the US creates these kinds of living spaces :> (here it would be inappropriate for someone to live with their parents at 30, in other places not so much)

Plus, it's expensive for everything
I can see me
I can see you
Are you me?
Or am I you?
  •  

Apples Mk.II

#22
Quote from: Ave on September 14, 2012, 05:19:47 AM
the situation in spain is vastly different from elsewhere. Almost 50% youth unemployment coupled with a culture where one is "tied" to their family more than we are here in the US creates these kinds of living spaces :> (here it would be inappropriate for someone to live with their parents at 30, in other places not so much)

It is incredibly common to live with parents until 30. Almost all my cousins (older than me) had to do the same thing after years of working, and that's before things got real bad. But well, most of my family members live in places where life is much cheaper than here. You will say that I could flee, but... I can't afford losing my job now. And I live in one of the few areas that have a Gender Identity service that will pay for the treatments.

The situation is far more different from other countries. Lower general income than other EU countries combined with overpriced housing prices was already bad, but in the years previous to the crisis' start a construction craze was running wild, lots of new houses built that nobody could afford. IF you travel to the outskirts of any city you will see ghost neighbourhoods half built and deserted.

The practice of renting has always been seen as something bad, with a strong culture of "buying a home and staying there for your whole life".

The pre-crisis modus operandi was like this. Get a job, get a credit with help from your parents and pay until you are old. That used to work when you keep the same job your whole life, but now it simply does not work. You can't be availed by parents without taking serious risks. Housing price can't be paid in a lifetime unless you are a thief or a politician. We are going back to 50 years ago, when parents, sons, ther husbands/wifes and grandparents would always have to live in the same home.
Renting started being common only two years ago, when people could not afford buying homes anymore. Still, it is a complete scam preying on people desperate enough to find a place, and 90% of the times you will be rejected, thanks to a law that allows you to destroy the place you have rented, stay there without paying based on the right of "everybody has a right to a home" even if you can't pay (yet the banks can easily take your home (thousands lost in the last year) to sell it to their clients and workers).

If I tried to buy a home I would need my parents to avail me with their properties. If I lost my job and could not pay to the bank... Well, that's what has been happening in the last year, first they take my home and after that my parent's one.


Also, I live in one of the main capitals, so that means that the housing price its between 3 and four times higher than a normal city. Unless I can share a flat or get into a relationship and paying for it with two incomes, there is not a lot I can do. And I am not exactly the most social person at this time. There is a slim chance of keeping my job and finding a place for renting, but it is not exactly easy. You need to be really lucky. And that's if after 5 years I don't go into unemployment again without any financial aid (since they were removed by the president) and I need to study again. My unemployment income would have last for more than a year, but now... Maybe 6 months or less.


BTW, If anybody is going to ask, yes. It is one of those things that also cause me a lot of anxiety and insecurity. A few years ago I was going to finally buy a home (to be built on the next two years), but the builder disappeared with all the money already paid by people and now he is enjoying a nice and rich life, while the scammed people can't get their money back and the homes were never built. Was I lucky? I could have lost all my life savings there...

A few extra current facts and boring facts:

- The percentage of people aged between 30 and 45 that still lives with their parents keeps increasing due to the inability to leave, or being forced to come back after losing everything
- The percentage of homeless people keeps going up
- The food banks can't support the demand anymore
- The measures implanted by the president only  serve to reduce the  purchasing power of the people. No purchasing, no job to do, so more unemployment. And repeat until you have a nice recession
- You can see elderly people rummaging through the rubbish containers, trying to find scrap to sell. So many people that they already fight for it.
- The government cut healthcare and education constantly, but they will keep injecting money to the banks and still have the highest salary in the country (including free ipads and all-you-can-browse internet connection)
- Do you want to make easy money in a burguer shop? You won't find a job even there. It is sad to see +50 year old people working there. You don't see young people working there anymore.
- And a lot more things. I don't know how we are seen from outside, but it can't be good.
- The Government managed to hide the real situation for years. Now, every few months a new "financial hole" is discovered in a country that has been sacked by corrupted politicians during years.
- There really aren't any housing problems, it is full of empty homes... That nobody can pay.


More We used to joke that after the after the arab spring we would be the next ones, but sooner or later it will happen. Just put a halt to the football league and it will start.


I am hoping to find somebody to share a flat after I start transition, but it is also hard to fin somebody that won't be transphobic. The ideal would be if during therapy I can get acess to LGBT groups or associations (they work with the GID unit) and look for roommates between them, that would make things much easier.
  •  

Apples Mk.II

Quote from: Venus-Castina on September 14, 2012, 08:50:16 AM
It might be better to get a decent education first so she will be not another ->-bleeped-<- flipping burgers

Don't know if that one is going for me or her... I already spent several additional years of extra education after finishing my studies, combined with occasional "flipping burguers". And a lot of more of "standing for several hours" jobs until I could find a decent one in my own field of expertise. Sadly, those "standing jobs" only worsened my knees to the point of not being able to stand still for prolonged periods of time and having to rely and painkillers to finish my shifts.

In fact, I got my job through extra studying and language training, so it is a neverending story for me. I'm not going back to fast food. Never, ever.
  •  

Ave

Quote from: Venus-Castina on September 14, 2012, 08:50:16 AM
It might be better to get a decent education first so she will be not another ->-bleeped-<- flipping burgers

He already has had an education , I think.
I can see me
I can see you
Are you me?
Or am I you?
  •  

Apples Mk.II

Quote from: Ave on September 14, 2012, 10:34:49 AM
He already has had an education , I think.


That continued for longer than I would have wanted, and I will be resuming it in a few months . But If I had been a neet I would have gone crazy (I have never had a gap year or anything like that). When I did not have a job, I used to take two different courses at the same time and spend the weekends fixing computers. I hated receiving money from my parents.
  •  

Rita

This world is so selfish, everyone only thinks about Me Me Me.  Empathy is a human trait we could all learn!

Not to regurgitate what the other posts said~  Just my idea that everyone expects you to respect their emotions when they cannot even except yours.  Granted it is a huge pill to swallow for a parent but those words can be hurtful.
  •  

Apples Mk.II

Quote from: Rita on September 14, 2012, 11:07:57 AM
Not to regurgitate what the other posts said~  Just my idea that everyone expects you to respect their emotions when they cannot even except yours.  Granted it is a huge pill to swallow for a parent but those words can be hurtful.
One of the things that are coming out of the therapy is that when in a conflictive painful situation, I am always the one to leave crying rather than exploding into a rage fit in front of somebody and after cooling down, I always pin the blame on myself. I can't even respect myself, but not this time.
  •  

Rita

Quote from: Crt.rnA on September 14, 2012, 11:19:58 AM
One of the things that are coming out of the therapy is that when in a conflictive painful situation, I am always the one to leave crying rather than exploding into a rage fit in front of somebody and after cooling down, I always pin the blame on myself. I can't even respect myself, but not this time.

~Hugs you~ I believe there is no fault, not a single person alive could have changed the way your brain and body has developed as of today.  And you cant even blame a system so complicated that it is not even fully understood yet.



  •