Exploring your gender

[Zoidberg]

So I have in the past heard people giving the advice to take time to explore my gender identity. I don't exactly know how to do it though! I go to therapy about all of this and am definitely going to ask my therapist the same question at my next appointment. I just don't understand what it means to explore one's gender. Does it mean to try dressing different ways and presenting differently? Because I've done that and I still feel confused. So what are some other ways to explore and experiment with one's gender?

[Kelly J. P.]

 To present as the other (or another) gender for a period of a couple or more days might be fun. I tried being a guy for a few days a few weeks ago... and while it was a bit silly, it had educational value. Trying to present more androgynously, or doing a little gender-bending could be very fun if you're secure enough to do so.


Or you could just do some introspection, and limit your experimentation to being at home by yourself. More boring, but much easier - though, also less educational.


My sister wears hair about a couple inches long, wears button-up shirts with no buttons opened, wears plaid, loose jeans, and generally presents in a very guyish way. Is she a guy? No, not really. She's a bit of a tomboy, and she's probably the most awesome person I've ever met. I would say she's explored her gender a bit, and while she's definitely a girl, she's pretty happy with being a somewhat more masculine one.

[justmeinoz]

Even just thinking about how different women are perceived by society and treated as a result of those perceptions, as against mens treatment.  How you react to people in terms of gender, and what does that tell you about your own gender identity and presentation.  Kate Bornstein's "Gender Workbook" is fill of this sort of thing, if you need a guidebook on how to get started.  The questions are pretty well endless.  And fun!

Karen.

[suzifrommd]

So what are some other ways to explore and experiment with one's gender?

Here's what I'm doing:
* Reading posts on Susan's to see what other people's experiences are.
* Joined a Transgender support group. This has been really helpful. They've been very accepting and open about sharing details of their journeys.
* Started a blog and posted my thoughts to it. It's really easy to set up a blog on Susan's and I've gotten wonderfully great comments.
* PMed people with whom I thought I had something in common. Most people have been good about answering and I've made friends that way and we can bouncing things off each other.

I haven't yet gotten to the point where I'm comfortable trying a different presentation for a short period. That's next...

[eli77]

Because I've done that and I still feel confused. So what are some other ways to explore and experiment with one's gender?

I'm pretty heavily on the intuitive side of things, so I don't really look to outside sources for information about myself much. And that was even more so back when I was sorting this stuff out.

When I found out about transitioning and transsexualism and all that... I opened a blank spiral notebook and wrote stuff, whatever came into my head about my body, about gender, about how that worked with my life: memories and fragments and desires and fears - lists and stories and chunks of consciousness. Random and running off in all directions. I filled the thing in three weeks. By then I had a pretty solid starting point of what I wanted to do with my life and my body.

Then it took about 5 years to work up the courage to do anything about it, but that's just about my hangups.

[EmmaM]

Buy women's (or men's) v-neck workout T shirts, tight jeans, short shorts, straighten your hair, wear those cheap Old Navy sandals all the time, take the bass out of your voice, put some music into your voice, wear fun bracelets, mismatch colors, try makeup, don't try it the next day, SING ALL THE TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That was what I did. It was fun.

OR you could buy some button up "gettin lai*" stripey guy shirts, khakis, get a canvas belt with a beer bottle opener on the buckle, STILL rock the sandals... Fun stuff.

[aleon515]

What Emma is talking about is gender presentation, not really the same as gender. OTOH, there *can* be something (else) to this. The more male presentation I took the better I started feeling. It was very striking in my case. So it's one way to do this.

"The Gender Workbook" is good. Though I found it aggravating as she didn't mention asexual orientation even though giving an alternative to just about everything else.

I think Susan's and posting and emailing is a great way to do this.
I think it would be better worded to say taht you are exploring "who you are".

--Jay Jay

[EmmaM]

You've got to start the experiment somewhere. A good way to explore a (non)gender is to help others perceive you as such.

[foosnark]

I agree that exploring presentation is one way to explore identity.

I did that to some extent, and quickly found limits to how I was willing to express myself that were clues to me about my identity.  But I feel freer and more honest in my expression than I did before.

The other thing I did was a notebook..  I questioned myself, tried to figure out where these weird ideas were coming from and what I really wanted.

I haven't formally done this yet, but someday I will write out a long list of words and phrases and how I feel they apply to me or don't.  I know there are some quirks there and maybe I'll find a pattern to them, or maybe I won't.

[aleon515]

I've journaled. Going back to work (as  a teacher) has been VERY anxiety producing and I sort of stopped, but I think it's a good way to think about stuff in a controlled way.

--Jay Jay