Dealing with Sexual Harrassment

[Nygeel]

This isn't entirely trans specific but there was a situation a few days ago where a person who I'm assuming was a guy (or a woman with very large hands) grabbed my butt. It wasn't a space where a guy grabbing another guy's backside would be common or acceptable (it's a bar that's notorious for shutting the doors because of fighting. My reaction was sort of freezing and eventually looking around but I have no idea who exactly grabbed me. I know that sometimes in "queer" spaces trans guys get their chests and crotches touched without consent/unwillingly which I haven't really experienced.

But...have any of you dealt with something similar in a public space? What did you do?

[Ayden]

That sounds awful. I'm sorry you had to deal with that. I haven't had my body groped by someone since right after I started transition. It happened once at the pub on my old campus, but I just smacked the crap out of him out of reflex. I was pretty small growing up and I got picked on relentlessly, so I learned to respond quickly. If you knew who it was, I would say report them, but since you didn't get to see I would say just keep an eye out and if you do catch someone trying to cop a feel, tell management. Booze tends to make people forget how to act appropriately sometimes. There is no reason to grab someone like that unless its joking around and both parties are cool with it.

[Adam (birkin)]

I have had a few experiences where people have grabbed me without my consent...I didn't catch their faces either. I am sorry it happened to you though, it is very humiliating and scary.

[MaxAloysius]

I've had that happen before, as edderkopp said, it can be very scary. Unfortunately there's not much we can really do about it. I'd say just try and be prepared in future, and respond quickly with a sound slap! :{P

[insideontheoutside]

I've been groped several times in clubs/bars/at parties by both males and females. It was never a fun experience because I was never out looking for something like that to happen. When it did, I always wondered how someone could be so brazen as I would never think of touching someone, let alone grabbing their butt, chest or crotch, without permission. Apparently though there are people who do this. Anyway, as for what I did, the one time it happened with a guy I was in a somewhat crowded hallway at a club. A dude shoved me against the wall and attempted to kiss my neck. I got my hand between us and shoved him back about 2 feet and yelled in his ear, "not interested". The other time I was djing in front of about 3000 people and some chick had busted a reach around on me. I turned around and there were actually 3 chicks behind me and I had no idea which one did it. Since there was no way to even be heard over the stacks of speakers in the place I just shook my head and mouthed "don't f***ing touch me". They buggered off luckily. The third time it happened I was at a large party in the Hollywood Hills. I was sitting on a couch and fairly inebriated when this chick sat down next to me and started making small talk. I could tell she'd had quite a few as well but I was not giving any indication at all that I was even remotely interested. I wasn't even really responding just staring off into space and she leaned over and grabbed my crotch. I just grabbed her hand, gave it back to her, and got up.

I guess any time something like this happens you kind of have to size up the situation and decide how you want to act about it. I would think that unless you are at a specific pick-up bar or some place that's known for "cruising", etc. that kind of unwanted advance would be just that, unwanted. But since it's happened to me multiple times I'm really not so sure wtf some people are thinking. You probably did the best thing you could do, which was just ignore it. If you're there and it happens again see if you could see who's responsible and tell them "no thanks". 

[Nygeel]

This was actually the first time somebody has done this in a public space. It really caught me off guard. I just don't think I'll be going back there again.

[Natkat]

at most times I dont mind but I had a girl at my last school who kept grapping me, and said I had a hard on and everything (come on, I wasnt even packing) I told her not to, but sure nobody took it serious because it was a girl who grapped me.

she kept doing that untill one day when I ran after her (because she had stoled some clothes from me)
and then we ended down in the landery room. in a dark corner with nobody around.
I said with a creppy voice:
"well.. guess its only the 2 of us now" pulling up my belt and she ran out screaming.

since then she have never tryed to touch my downstairs 

[Jude]

This was actually the first time somebody has done this in a public space. It really caught me off guard. I just don't think I'll be going back there again.

that's so unfair to you. that someone else made you feel so uncomfortable that you dont even want to go back there again. everyone should have the freedom to go where they want and not have to worry about harassment.

i've never had someone sexually harass me like that but everytime i go out i get people asking how old i am and it makes me really uncomfortable.

im sure if you discussed this with the owner they would be very upset to hear that they're losing customers because of other customers stupidity

@ Natkat - that story killed me xD youre too funny dude

[Keaira]

There's an old woman at work who pinches my ass quite often. It's kind of creepy actually. And a girl in her 40's who does it on occasion there too.
Guess they still see me as male -_-
I just don't give them a reaction. I know them both pretty well, but I also know that if management catches them doing it, they are in trouble. So I've warned them on a number of occasions that it isn't cool.

For them to do it to me.... yea, weird and creepy, but I would be really weirded out if it were a guy doing it at work.

[Apples Mk.II]

I remember reading something like this:


"If somebody touches your butt in a metro wagon, grab the hand, raise it and shout: "Hey, I have found a hand in my butt! Is it from somebody here? Has anibody lost a hand?"


I have had one or two incidents. One I didn't care, the other I'd like to punch the responsible until my arm exits through the back of his neck.

[anibioman]

ive been groped by this girl who is my ftm friends sisters friend i didnt mind so much so if she asked i would have let her touch my chest.