Social anxiety since starting transition

[alice10]

Has anyone experience this? Before my transition. I was awesome in public...now I am scared half to death. I get so nervous and hot. Its getting to the point I want to run to my car and cry. I started seeing a therapist again so we will see how that goes. I try to not let it bother me but nothing seems to help. I have good days and bad days...

[Padma]

Yes. Change, and in-betweenness, makes us potentially pretty vulnerable, so it's not surprising if we lose some of our confidence (which is partly based on knowing how to behave a certain way in society, which we're now giving up to some extent). Plus being on hormones is like going through adolescence all over again - not a stage of life famous for imbuing people with social ease .

[Adam (birkin)]

I had social anxiety prior to transition, but I still struggle when outside now because I don't know how people read me. Or I think that people read me as a woman and that upsets me.

[alice10]

How do you deal with it? I just try to think about other things and breath slow but it just doesnt work.

[Tristan]

Yes. I have it too. I feel like people will attack me. It makes me scared

[Adam (birkin)]

I wear clothes that make me feel good when I am in public. And other times, I just tell myself that there are always going to be these sorts of challenges. There's always going to be people out and about that I have to walk by, and even people who are going to look at me funny or possibly give me a bad time (teenagers particularly). I just think of it as something that we all deal with on a day to day basis and that I just have to accept it. It doesn't always help but it softens it a bit.

[Jayne]

Yes, I definately get social anxiety now.
I'm dying to go full time but certain things era holding htis up, I refuse to take off my nail varnish though, it's the one thing that can make me smile no matter what.
I was in the local corner shop earlier & a group of women walked in ready for a night out, once i'd stopped being jealous about their clothes, figure, shoes etc etc I realised that they'd be next to me at the counter, around here women of their age (early 20's) are not very forgiving, when I got up to the counter one of them spotted my nail varnish, I weas expecting some catty remarks but all she did was compliment me on the colour.
She was also very complimentary when I revealed i'd done them myself, I explained the trick is Rimmel nail varnish (I could down 20 bottles of vodka & still get a perfect finish with it).

Alot of the time the most pressure comes from within, we visualise the worst that can happen but it rarely does.
I understand that this is a defence mechanism but it seems that when transitioning these defences go into overdrive.
I think the best saying for this is "keep calm & carry on" although it's easier said than done.

Jayne

[Ms. OBrien CVT]

In my area, I live by the words of FDR.  "We have nothing to fear, but fear itself."  It isn't easy, but you face the social anxiety by getting out there and being yourself.

[alice10]

That's what I try to do. I go out and try to do things that make me uncomfortable hoping I will deal with it better. Some days are ok and some are bad. The problem is I get really hot and than I think about it and my face starts to have little drops of sweat and I get really embarassed. I try to be confident but it feels like it over powers me

[Kelly J. P.]

  I was and still am unhappy with going outside to a certain extent. This has more to do with not being treated very well by people than anything else - at least, for most of my life. However, recently, I am treated better, and I do find I'm more confident when outside than ever before. Being in an in-between state is very taxing on a person's emotions... but once you make it, life becomes a lot simpler.

I still don't like interacting with people, but that's just a personal hangup. I'm good at it when I need to be.

[MadelineB]

Alice,
im assuming your just starting off? I was kinda scared at first too. I thought in my head, what if I purposely put myself in scenarios where ill be made to feel uncomfortable, would that help? For me, yes it did. I went out to bars and clubs and for walks downtown. In my mind, real life was like a video game, and every time id go out id get "xp points." Eventually id "increase" the level I was at till finally I was good to go! Worked for me.

Brilliant! I thought I was the only one who sees the flashing lights and hears the fanfare music every time I level up. The higher the difficulty, the faster the xp piles on.

[Rita]

I think there will always be  an amount of social anxiety, but the secret is even cis gendered individuals deal with social anxiety.  Sometimes for similar reasons we do.

[Padma]

My PTSD spiked when I began transitioning, which is the Bulk Economy Pack of anxiety. I find, for some reason, that imagining a large set of wings on my back makes me more fearless (hey, whatever works...) - but I've also let myself learn from experience that situations are always better than I'm afraid they'll be.

And I have this trick where if I'm on the street and a group of people are coming towards me, I imagine them being really happy and friendly. This makes me not afraid of them, so there's no fear from me to pick up on (that seems to make especially young men act up), so I get no trouble. I'm kind of amazed by how well this works.

[Cindy]

I did have a sort of panic attack earlier in the week. I wasn't feeling well and kept having temperature spikes, which tend to make me have hallucinations of a very mild sort. And I started to panic about a meeting I had to go too. It didn't matter how ill I felt, I had to go to this one. The other participants were males, who I think all knew I was transitioning even though I hadn't told them. They knew the male presenting me, and I was going to pieces with worry and self doubt. Do I dress sort of masculine and pretend, do I get my  one pair of boy clothes out. Geex my doubts were firing like crazy, and all irrational, I have burnt my bridges, the most stupid thing I could do to shame myself would be turn up looking male (if I could BTW).

In the end I calmed down, put on a very nice skirt and top, did some make up, sexy perfume and went for it.

It was fine. I apologised for being ill and explained that my hearing was affected.

I contributed and felt very happy.

(My hearing was affected but I did hear a 'tough bitch' and an 'Iron Lady' comment passed in private ).

So try not to panic, I know it is outside of our control sometimes, but panic doesn't help it just breeds on itself.

[justmeinoz]

I have been working on anxiety as well as trust issues with my psych, and have come to appreciate that it will always be there to a certain extent.  Now I can just observe it as if it was something I am carrying that does not have to affect me unless I let it.
Given our trans situation a certain amount of anxiety seems advisable as part of being alert to any threat, but it doesn't always have to be noticeable.  It is now reduced to the point that it is like being aware I am wearing a comfortable pair of slippers.

"Tough Bitch" and "Iron Lady?"  That sounds good Cindy,  keep the men firmly under your thumb! 
I loved Maggie. Until she went mad! 

Karen.

[Apples Mk.II]

Social Anxiety was a deal breaker for me when considering it would not be compatible with transitioning. Accepting the second meant overcoming the first.


Fixing a few daily annoyances of social anxiety was easy enough, but I still need to work on the parts that relate to interacting with people. But at least I have managed to reduce my levels of anxiety sweating, which made my life impossible. Yet, I don't have enough confidence to leave home in girl mode until HRT changes and FFS are made. Too self-conscious.

[Julie Wilson]

I had the opposite.  Before transition, no matter where I was I felt out of place.  After I started presenting female, even when I did it awfully and even when I was nervous I still felt like I belonged, no matter where I was.  I was able to talk to people and feel normal.  Though it was new and different and though I had times when I was nervous or scared there was a sense of rightness that pervaded over all.

[Apples Mk.II]

At least you felt female inside. I wish I could shout "I want to be a girl", but...


I want to change and be accepted by people, but I can't accept myself...

[MadelineB]

I had the opposite.  Before transition, no matter where I was I felt out of place.  After I started presenting female, even when I did it awfully and even when I was nervous I still felt like I belonged, no matter where I was.  I was able to talk to people and feel normal.  Though it was new and different and though I had times when I was nervous or scared there was a sense of rightness that pervaded over all.

Exactly my experience. I was scared the first time I went out the door, but I didn't care - it had been so long, and my inner me was so deprived, that I literally didn't care if I died in the first half hour - at least I would live and present as me for half an hour.

And that was before hormones, before makeup, still bald as a pinata's behind, but I gave myself permission anyways. I cried with gratitude all the way home from the crowded store, not because I passed, but because it didn't matter. But I mattered. And I could present as female if I wanted to, and I do. It wasn't ideal, it wasn't perfect, it wasn't easy, but it was me. And I could present as female clearly enough that people could see that I was presenting as female, that this is who I feel to be.

[tatiana]

If you have social anxiety, you can do many things:
(1) Practice your presentation (mannerisms, make-up, speech, etc...) - this preparation can be done before presenting as the other gender if you have time
(2) Ensure that you have maximum feminization from HRT before presenting as a woman
(3) Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT), which is to undermine the preconceptions of your fears & ultimately, change the way you think

Perhaps, all these go together. These are positive actions you can take towards reducing your social anxiety. Then again, many women transitioned w/o doing everything above so it really depends on your situation & what you need.