Quote from: DeeperThanSwords on January 04, 2013, 03:01:00 AM
Take the good where you can, dear.
I agree, but I do wish the people at her work would stop being buttwipes by outing her to new employees. She'd be able to integrate as female if they would just mind their own beeswax.
What made me happy was the moment of thinking I had a few minutes ago. I really do feel like I have lived two lives, because of how my perspective has changed. Only 5 years ago, I was terrified to even admit I liked women, let alone admit I was transgender. I honestly believed I would spend the rest of my life completely miserable and alone. I didn't believe I could or would ever be happy, but I couldn't lie to myself anymore either.
And now, here I am. I am completely and 100% OK with myself. I'm transitioning. I'm not ashamed of any part of myself. I know one day, whoever she may be, I will fall in love and spend my life with a wonderful woman. The people at university are by and large supportive. Ideally, they'd be understanding as opposed to "only" supportive, but it is great to have people try to use the right pronouns and treat me with kindness. Better than what I expected, which was ridicule and fear. I love my program too. A year ago when I was depressed, I couldn't truly see the value in it, but here I am...I'm doing a master's degree and it's really cool. I'm teaching, which is largely enjoyable even though there is a learning curve in terms of being in a position of leadership.
Beyond gender, I'm really growing into my skin. I still have a lot of fears, and I do need to work on standing up for myself more, but I can safely say that I really do love my personality even if I don't assert it as strongly as I should. I am a lot less hung up on my weaknesses, and I'm coming to see my strengths and gifts enough that I want to play on them. We don't all have to live our lives the same way and we don't have to be good at everything. That's why we have other people, because we're all here to help each other. I never could have said that before, I would have felt responsible to be good at everything, and do everything for everyone.
I am just so happy that I can finally say I, for the most part, love myself. I also know that the older I get, the more comfortable I will be. I truly feared that my future would be awful, and that I'd be old and bitter. But now I believe that age will only make me happier and more peaceful. I look forward to the life ahead of me.
