What made you unhappy today? v2.0

[FTMDiaries]

Got misgendered twice. The first one happened in the coffee shop that I visit almost every day - the barista called me 'madam' and seemed put out when I corrected him.

The second one happened later in the afternoon, when someone claiming to be from my mobile/cell phone carrier called me up, addressed me as 'madam' and said he wanted to talk to me about upgrading my phone.

I asked him why the heck he was addressing me as 'madam' and he protested "But that's what we're trained to call all women!". I told him that if he was really calling on behalf of my carrier, his records would show that I am not a woman. He then tried to backpedal, saying that they don't have access to the whole database, they just process upgrades. But I upgraded my phone a couple of months ago so I'm not due for any upgrades anyway.

I told him he's clearly not from my carrier because he doesn't even know who I am. Then I hung up on him while he tried to argue back at me. It put me in a bad mood for the whole afternoon, at a time when I'm really stressed and suffering from migraines.

Grrr!

[androgynoid]

Last night my roommate and I were sitting at the bar of the restaurant where my other roommate works, killing time until he got off and we could go home. She pulled out a pad of paper and started doodling my birth name in fancy script all over the place, asking me what my middle name was and adding that in.

I need to come out to her. She knows I've had chest surgery, but I don't know if she knows the magnitude, or the reason.

And then my other roommate and his coworker started making rape jokes. Eww.

My favorite people are all so problematic.

[Shantel]

Last night my roommate and I were sitting at the bar of the restaurant where my other roommate works, killing time until he got off and we could go home. She pulled out a pad of paper and started doodling my birth name in fancy script all over the place, asking me what my middle name was and adding that in.

I need to come out to her. She knows I've had chest surgery, but I don't know if she knows the magnitude, or the reason.

And then my other roommate and his coworker started making rape jokes. Eww.

My favorite people are all so problematic.

Uh yeah! And they're still alive?

[Adam (birkin)]

You're sounding a lot like some of the visually most successful people in the MtF forums and I think that we have isolated what the problem is, when you look in the mirror your brain sees the former you and not what everyone else sees which is the new you. It's some kind of strange brain chemistry but your take on you is no longer valid, what other people see is valid. So go with it and quit defeating yourself before you even walk out the door.

I think you're right on this one. Honestly, other than one incident recently, everyone who has misgendered me has been gay or lesbian. But they give me the "oh I know transgenders!! I support you!!" (and yes, they put the "s" at the end of transgender).

honestly, I wish I had it in me to be assertive like I used to be. I wouldn't worry as much because if people were rude (purposely or accidentally), I would feel comfortable in my ability to talk it through.

[Charley Bea(EmeraldP)]

Might not seem like much to be upset over but seriously hating that I feel like I have been punched in the stomach, not the immediate pain but the resultant tight swelling feeling that makes sitting, moving, lying down and breathing uncomfortable and difficult.

[Tossu-sama]

Sad, transphobic excuses of human beings.

[krakenshay]

My ex. Realizing that she is rather nasty (mean). Luckily we won't be living together anymore starting Monday.
I just realized the one thing I need most right now is a hug.

[michelle666]

My week has been crap but its starting to look up. On Saturday morning I woke up to discover one of my dogs passed away in his sleep.  He was 15 and not doing so good, but it was still rough for me. We were starting to have the talk wether we should put him down. I'm relieved that we didn't have to do that and he passed at home, sleeping in his bed.
Then on Monday I lost my job. Things weren't working out. They told me early when I got there. I got some severance and they aren't going to contest my unemployment claim so I can collect. After I left there is when things started looking up. I broke down and bought a pack of cigarettes and a scratch ticket. I ended up hitting $5000. Also I've decided to switch careers. I'm done with IT. I've decided to go back to hairdressing school and I found out that I'm eligible for grants that are going to pay for it, my unemployment will get extended through the whole time I'm in school and I don't have to look for a job while in school. It's been a crazy week but things are definitely looking up now!

[Adam (birkin)]

Sometimes I really want to give up. But I don't. *sigh* It doesn't matter where I go, or what community I want to be a part of, I am a fish out of water.

[Shantel]

My week has been crap but its starting to look up. On Saturday morning I woke up to discover one of my dogs passed away in his sleep.  He was 15 and not doing so good, but it was still rough for me. We were starting to have the talk wether we should put him down. I'm relieved that we didn't have to do that and he passed at home, sleeping in his bed.
Then on Monday I lost my job. Things weren't working out. They told me early when I got there. I got some severance and they aren't going to contest my unemployment claim so I can collect. After I left there is when things started looking up. I broke down and bought a pack of cigarettes and a scratch ticket. I ended up hitting $5000. Also I've decided to switch careers. I'm done with IT. I've decided to go back to hairdressing school and I found out that I'm eligible for grants that are going to pay for it, my unemployment will get extended through the whole time I'm in school and I don't have to look for a job while in school. It's been a crazy week but things are definitely looking up now!

Sorry about your dog Michelle (Hugs)), I don't look forward to that happening with my dog. Concerning the job though, sometimes there is a silver lining in those dark clouds that surround a job loss and you discover that you were standing in a hole and didn't realize it.

[ZoeM]

Today I decided I could not in good conscience keep holding onto a Google Glass invitation when I cannot afford to purchase it and save for surgeries at the same time.
So I sent an email to Google via their support channel, in hopes that they can redirect the invitation.

Sorta sad now.


On the other hand, I'm sure it would've just made me look silly and interfered with my prescription eyeglasses, so no real loss.

[StellaB]

Sometimes I really want to give up. But I don't. *sigh* It doesn't matter where I go, or what community I want to be a part of, I am a fish out of water.

What makes you feel like this?

[Adam (birkin)]

What makes you feel like this?

Primarily the fact that although it seems I pass most of the time, I still have people (mostly gay and lesbian) who "clock" me and do so rather...inconsiderately. I'm straight so I don't want to fit in with the GLB community, but it worries me, making me think with everyone else I pass only by a hair. I just want to be myself without having to worry about someone calling me out on it and taking note of my trans status. Not that they would truly know unless they saw what was under my clothes, but they're so arrogant about thinking they know that they don't care. I feel like one day someone might cause me harm because some idiot decides to out me on the wrong occasion.

[StellaB]

Primarily the fact that although it seems I pass most of the time, I still have people (mostly gay and lesbian) who "clock" me and do so rather...inconsiderately. I'm straight so I don't want to fit in with the GLB community, but it worries me, making me think with everyone else I pass only by a hair. I just want to be myself without having to worry about someone calling me out on it and taking note of my trans status. Not that they would truly know unless they saw what was under my clothes, but they're so arrogant about thinking they know that they don't care. I feel like one day someone might cause me harm because some idiot decides to out me on the wrong occasion.

I have to be honest even though deep down passing isn't a major priority for me this sort of thing gets my goat. It's not just the fact that often they're telling me something I already know, but it's also the mistaken assumption that other people are going to be interested as well.

I remember losing control one Friday at the checkouts in a busy supermarket when I'm standing in line with my basket and a couple behind me kept saying 'That's a man..that's a man..'

I threw down my basket and said loudly 'Excuse me everybody, sorry to trouble you but this couple would like you all to know that I'm not a natural born woman. I am in fact a transgendered woman just trying to do some shopping in peace. Thank you and I wish you all a pleasant weekend.' I then turned back to the couple and asked 'Happy now?'

They walked off.

However you can't let these people make you feel bad about yourself. I know we all have our stereotypes, people who we feel more nervous being around, but the reality is that these are somewhat sad individuals and very much the minority.

Sure, yes there might be a few more people who notice but they never say anything, so it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter because it doesn't matter to them, so why should it matter so much to you? The vast majority of people aren't really that bothered whether you're trans or not and there are some people also who notice, but they react positively.

These people just go to prove that it's best to say nothing and let others consider the possibility that you might be an idiot rather than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

[Adam (birkin)]

I'm sorry that happened to you, Stella. People are just...so inconsiderate. They want to be respected, and comfortable, and go about their lives but for some reason as soon as someone looks different, it's like they are public property and don't deserve the same consideration.

I think you're right. I'm going to keep trying to hang in there, maybe I will even pass to the "spotters" one day, but if not, it is their problem, not mine,

[Charley Bea(EmeraldP)]

Finding properties I love but know I will never be able to afford, basically short of winning the lottery or some rich person leaving me some money or their home, I will never be able to afford my own home. I am unable to work and I am on a disability pension(mental not physical) which I guess is bad for a 27 year old. There is a 'scheme' for low income earners or those dealing with diabilities to get a loan but I am constantly told my pension isn't enough to be approved as I would need a second income or a carer.

What are those of us who are unable to work but can take care of themselves suppose to do since that program would help alot but doesn't account for us?.  

[StellaB]

I think you're right. I'm going to keep trying to hang in there, maybe I will even pass to the "spotters" one day, but if not, it is their problem, not mine,

Exactly. I have a friend who gets 'clocked' quite frequently by these people, and she's a naturally born black woman who's most definitely not trans.

[Antonia J]

I threw down my basket and said loudly 'Excuse me everybody, sorry to trouble you but this couple would like you all to know that I'm not a natural born woman. I am in fact a transgendered woman just trying to do some shopping in peace. Thank you and I wish you all a pleasant weekend.' I then turned back to the couple and asked 'Happy now?'

They walked off

You're my hero  I wish I had the courage to do that.

[calico]

I threw down my basket and said loudly 'Excuse me everybody, sorry to trouble you but this couple would like you all to know that I'm not a natural born woman. I am in fact a transgendered woman just trying to do some shopping in peace. Thank you and I wish you all a pleasant weekend.' I then turned back to the couple and asked 'Happy now?'

I was shopping one night and was looking at the card section, and this teenage coule were doing something similier, well mostly the guy,something to the effect of how disapointed my parents may be,etc. I so wanted to say somthing, like excuse me what you are doing is very rude and offensive, you never know who you are talking about may be a total psychopath, and pul out a gun or knife and decide to kill you!, but I didnt I just pretended I didnt hear them, and went about my business. It never hapened again but I said to myself next time I may just do that.

[Shantel]

I was shopping one night and was looking at the card section, and this teenage coule were doing something similier, well mostly the guy,something to the effect of how disapointed my parents may be,etc. I so wanted to say somthing, like excuse me what you are doing is very rude and offensive, you never know who you are talking about may be a total psychopath, and pul out a gun or knife and decide to kill you!, but I didnt I just pretended I didnt hear them, and went about my business. It never hapened again but I said to myself next time I may just do that.

Calico,
     Having pretended not to hear and moving on was probably the best way to deal with that imbecile especially if you aren't a real ass kicker type. I always hate it when they read all the new names of TG folks that were murdered each year. Sometimes when you ignore the ignorant you simply take away their power.