FWIW Keaira, I've spent much of my life feeling like I do not fit in with other women either. I am sure it is worse for you since you are transgender and it makes you feel like an outcast in a way but you are not alone in your feelings. There are many women who see society cues and take them happily because they are content to live in a world that has been pre-made for them and there are others who think and act differently. You are not f'd up for being transgender or for having different experiences from others. I will tell you a secret about myself. I used to feel very bad about myself because it seemed like I could not relate to other people. I do not see the world like many others do and I have very different values than many others. Only in time I realized that the reason I felt so bad was because I was trying to fit into the wrong people! See if you can find others who understand you so that when you are forced to see those you cannot connect with you have a grounding to hold on to. Since you mentioned that you partly did it to fit in with the other men when you were trying to be a man, maybe this is a chance for a fresh slate as I know you are trying to find employment right now. If you are not happy with your history then take the chances when you see them to make the present something you are content with. You have suffered long enough trying to be someone that you are not and now is the time to keep the things about you that you like even if you don't fit in, and throw away the things that you did to keep up your image as male. You have survived this long and gotten this far into your transition and you have the strength to be happy and the strength to be yourself. You also deserve to be happy with the person you are and to forget anyone else who makes you feel inferior.
