My transgender feelings are at a clash with my alpha male identity.

[japple]

Ok, so I made a pros and cons list of why I may or may not be transgender. What are your thoughts?

People HATE some terms on here but what you're describing sounds exactly like what I've read about that or a similar paraphilia. There are people who get turned on imagining themselves as women and plenty of trans women I know don't get turned on by imagining themselves as men.

I think it could be considered it's own sexuality and if you have a strong sex drive then of course you'll be imagining yourself female-bodied a lot. You're definitely transgender spectrum, and that's always going to be harder than being straight, but that doesn't necessarily mean you need to go medically change your sex or try to be seen as female every day.

I personally don't really believe in very much of an innate gender and being alpha male can be socialized. THere is no conflict there.  Try not to be sexist about it and black and white. Don't get confused about your behavior, how does it affect you? Do you have body dysphoria when not feeling sexy? Do you have social dysphoria about how your labeled or seen by others?

Try not to worry about it too much yourself. Go to a qualified therapist. See if you're obsessing of involved in some unhealthy behavior that has latched on to this part of you. You might find a freedom and a partner who can explore and enhance the way you fantasize and like to have sex and have a great life. It's not very useful to try to figure this out on your own if it's not clear and you don't accept it right away.

[Christine Eryn]

I have an alpha male identity that I am trying to forever leave behind. I've recently come with the analogy of being the calm and peaceful Bruce Banner trying to rid of the savage Hulk once and for all (although I'm MTF). There are legitimate reasons I've forced myself to justify by having male likes or traits. It's helped my career somewhat. There's also a "nobody messes with me" thing going on in my "tough guy" head. I have always try to project a "nongay" persona to family and friends, but more and more into my transition I am adopting a don't give a >-bleeped-< attitude. I used to care what society as a whole thought but now that's going away too.

I do have a great interest in sports and cars and other activities thought to be male oriented, but I have always had feminine mannerisms amongst other traits. Going on taking hormones for 5 years has helped shape my face tremendously, but I still need FFS no matter what. My body is finally taking shape, and I am losing alot of strength overall, which to me is a good thing.

One day I'll be rid of the monster. I'm still tring to figure if it's the monster within or the one I show the world.