I feared men because of a very abusive puberty physically , sexually and mentally. I never knew what caused it , I use to try and act as manly as possible and it never worked. Up until the age of 20 I would not look men in the eye, I avoided talking to them at all costs , I wore a hood over my head , I got anxious whenever I had to do group projects with men. I could not talk to brothers/sisters male friends if they come over , I refused to answer door when I was only one home. I literally had the most intense fear of men that caused me to just get lost in anxiety and depression. So I got help , I talked to a lady who put me in a self esteem program with men in it.
I noticed them talking to me , and I would just be as shy and awkward as usual , but they were "cool" in the fact they didn't pick on me or move away from me because of it. I went to tafe and had this teacher come into class and make sure I wasn't stressing about men... yes that's right I needed a person in my own class to make me feel safe from them. Then guys would hang around me at the tafe, cause the girls + teacher sat with me , and they'd talk to me, and ofc I'd be fearful and awkward and they just wouldn't care. I eventually just avoided the bad apples , and not all the bad apples are masculine by the way. My 2 best friends boyfriends talked to me because prob from their request, and I actually get along with them pretty well.
I went online talked to guys through my friends on skype and guys can be alright, when you take away all that boy stuff they talk about =). I have a pretty healthy relationship with a guy , I have lots of male friends , that always wanna talk to me and they are straight. Since i'm new into transition obvious not over the net its harder , but my brother's friends talk to me, don't really mention it. My sisters boyfriends don't care. Males on the street, I just walk head up high, the good thing about being 6 feet tall is that you feel a bit empowered sometimes if you had to take on a teenage smart mouth male. Of course I don't put myself into situations where I'd be at super risk of a drunk guy or a group of guys that I couldn't avoid because of that being responsible in my town without being 100% stealth*which I don't ever plan to do*. I don't know when I feared men, I could never have a conversation and just felt how different I was , when I tried my best to stop fearing them, I could talk to them about different things , and they would think i'm alright to talk to. Fear , just don't fear if its not necessary , it will just cause ya to have anxiety and depression from my experience anyway.
